the last kiss

so im watching the movie. the last kiss. and im actually crying for the asshole that cheated. the music is brilliant for each scene. and why he went and cheated after the girlfriend found out - i'll never know.

i dont get men, and after this movie -- i believe i know even less about them.

but the tears. yea, the tears are so in the building.

back when it ends

friends...how many of us have them

i've had girlfriends to hang out with since wednesday, when Tam came in town.

i didnt realize how much i missed the comaradiere of sisterhood, until then. christa

brought the sentiment that gave me warm fuzzy's of a high school episode - but this,

this is just a reminder that kind of pangs in between my rib cage and shoulder blade.



i may be getting old.

or just knowing the importance of those friendships even more. my girl t left for ATX and gave me a huge void that would always peek out when 512 area code danced on my caller id.

sister-ships are so important.

i never knew how much so, until now...

for - series of really important stuff

this is for the mothers

that raise daughters and sons that will one day forget

they even bothered to go hungry so their seed

could grow

this is for the father's that knew they had children

but didnt know how to leave like all the men before them

this for mayonnaise sandwiches

and more importantly

the sugar sandwiches i didnt have to eat, cause my mother

stood over kitchen stoves cooking chicken enchiladas

and collard greens

when the only thing i ever had to fear -- was the cap'n crunch being extinguished

this is for a mother

so tired of being beaten, she ran with her babies tucked under arms

and then back after he kidnapped her youngest

this is for the poem i almost wrote him

before i wrote him off

thank god for foresight and common sense

this is for the nonsense

that runs out of our school hallways

and calls themselves home training

or even worse, keeping it real

this is for the i love you

something she may never hear, as black women

are the lowest statistics to get married

this for the the i love you

something she may never hear, as women find objectification

every moment of every day

this is for the man that has enough balls to say he loves his mother too much

to disrespect the love of his live

and the women that don't take advantage of him

this is for the moments -- when we remember we're all human

and refuse to laugh at the word nigger or dike or spic

this is the reverse racist anthem

the put ya guns in the air and sing oh say can you see

this is the warm blood of an iraqi soldier

burning an 18 year's old memory for the rest of his life

this is the warm blood of an american soldier

who only wanted to go to school for free and now he's lost his life

this is why we fight for life

kick for breath

sing for air

this is a song never ending

this is a song of despair

this is not even a poem

its a muthaphuck'n prayer

this is your chance to find us laughing and at peace

it is the moment in which we've prepared

this is the house shouting rejoice:

shalom

jah

holla back - hallelujah

and amen...

happy earthday 13

im running like mad

nuyo biz
soundbites biz
sheroshima biz

but never too busy to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY LIVE MIK!

you never looked a day over 24 :)

writing rainbows

everyone and everything right know makes me want to write a poem

so thank you bloggers. you give me hope...

and i wish i could write about it in poem form. but im afraid there arent enough stanzas to hold the sentiment. there arent enough metaphors and line breaks and rhyme scheme to fully paint a picture...and i need you to understand me.

this is why i was brought here. days like this, when the snow is reminding the cracked bone of my ankle and startling my heart a flutter. and when my child smiles because she thinks i am courageous because i ignore the fear long enough to go buy dinner, pick her up from school and threaten a kid for running in the street while im driving... all of these things make sense

more so when i read your blogs. friends. releasing more beauty than you will ever know. those are the moments that i am proud to call myself a writer.

word

in class

currently i am teaching in MS 22 and my kids are standing over me. they are named rafier and VJ. they should be writing poems and not standing over me. but they are not. and i think i am going to go buckwild in a moment.

stand by please.

this just in: my other student carlos' dissed me. he said this pic located on the page is so much better than i am in person. he said, i understand, TIME PASSES.

kids suck. word

RIP DIKE OMEJE

a dear friend has passed today.

he was a poet, a performer -- but more importantly, he was inspiration to every person that ever touched a stage in Manchester, England.

he will be deeply missed.

www.myspace.com/artycoolate

its very easy

i rented snakes on a plane, because i wanted to, dammit.

don't judge me

lol

quick review: it wasnt as bad as i thought it would be. believe it or not. and there was one good involuntary jump. moral of the story: snakes are bad. and samuel jackson will always be pulp fiction personified!

teaching amari

she had an altercation today at school. one that resulted in another little girl threatening to pull amari's braids out.

she's been here before.

at her last school, amari assumed the role of vigilante and had a way with her hands smacking kids that stole or cursed her momma.

i wasn't having it.

while i dont want a kid that can't stand up for herself, a pure reflection of the little girl i used to be, i also dont want her to be a bully.

bully's suck.

so when amari was transferred to a more creative and less violent school. second highest in the distrcit. i made sure she understood -- no fight club. we even took it to the extreme of her going to a girl's lock up facility in brooklyn and listening to the youth girl's horror stories void of sugar drinks, phone calls, school trips and life outside those bars. yea, it was scared straight for a third grader. but if you dont start now -- when?

and so now she's in the great school. flourishing as dorothy in the wiz. highest in her class. proud of herself and her homework. teacher's pet and some lil' girl named dalia threatening her because she can.

now dont confuse this blog for a "my daughter is an angel" plea. damn that. my daughter is a maniac. and we both know it. but she's my maniac. and the one thing i teach her is to respect everyone. even if you rolling your eyes at they ass. no threatning people. no picking fights. no hate.

so i try to tell her not to let people push over her.

she replies i dont want to get a whooping.

i counter, you wont get in trouble if you are defending yourself. however, you will get in trouble if you are starting mess.

she then adds, but im scared.

i say, it's ok to be scared. but you cant be so afraid of the what if's that you allow people to do whatever they want to you. speak however they want to you. because they are upset with their live. you either stand up for yourself - or we will have problems.

she shivers. a cold shiver that looks like she's more afraid of that idea than any other before she responds, well i want you do it for me.

and for a minute, i actually thought about going to the cafeteria and telling ms dalia about her lil' wicked ways. but amari is going on 10 years old. and i cant protect her forever. so with deep breath in tow, i tell her, no. you have to be your own person.

she cries.

and i cry.

and we cry like two bubbling maniacs in a green minivan in brooklyn.

after she realizes that im just as sad as she is. she stops. asks for advice how to bring it up.

i offer her the kid friendly version "i will get in trouble if we play together, so i will stay away from you and you need to stay away from me." i mean, hell. she cant whoop me. and so what. they might call her tattle tale or snitch. but i'll be damned if she continues to play that "mean girls/heathers/jawbreakers" girl hate girl ish.

she called the little girl a frien-emy. i died laughing. tears forming for reasons unknown. i never thought my child that damn cool. to mix two words and it make sense, so eloquently. but she's growing up.

and she'll be better than me. this i promise myself. and i ask her, so you are going to call a community meeting tomorrow (a forum for her classmates to talk about their problems and feelings).

she nodded yes, solemnly.

i tell her im proud of her. to be strong and think about how she wants to be treated. and remind herself to treat others that way. i also tell her, there is no going back. there is no acting like it didnt happen. or ignoring the issue. she has to handle it - and if she doesn't -- she will wish that she did.

she sits butterscotch skin and big brown eyes looking defeated. probably thinking, mommy is the worst bully of all.

white rapper show

they made her wear an "N-WORD" chain...

i almost cried cause i wish they would've made kramer wear it...and all those other cats that would bleep out the curse words but not the "n-word".

i am stunned

L Word

i prolly shouldnt have started to do the happy dance when it came on. but whatever. dont judge me.

and is it me - or is shane ackin' like a total ass!? who leaves carmen? i mean, im not gay - but dammit, even I wouldnt leave CARMEN! hmph

kit having a baby...? i thought that was gonna happen, but now that it is - i dont know if it like it. or maybe im just jealous? she has the boyfriend that actually STAYS! how dope is that?

and why can't jenny keep a girlfriend? now that she gave up on max for the french wierd teeth lady, she lost her too, to the woman that turned her out (speaking of which marina look'd incredible in the fly ass hat, no?)!!

ok. im done ranting. i'll have to watch it again. right after harry potter goes off :)

seldomly single

if you ever been in love

and then out of love

you will certainly remember the feel of his hand

her laugh that only clipped at your cold edges

the beautiful silence together



these are the encounters we live for

even if we despise love

these are the feelings that make our heart

skip and patter and putter and stall and hurt and feel revived

it makes your stomach drop

your mouth dry

your eyes water

your life seem small in comparison to the void they will leave

when they leave

if they leave

but we are always prepared for the departure



never knowing how to remain in the present

and focus on the now

i have been taught to love in small bites

never with a full mouth and hands and greedy stomach



so i am a generation of love stricken indigestion

always wondering if it is really real, or if its just a nother lesson before i meet my soulmate

and i wonder if we have more than one soul mates

or are we destined to mate with whomever can touch our soul hard enough

i want to believe in fairytales

and happy endings

full of tight production, hair assistant, make up complete and a girdle

'cause no one loves you when you are miserable, fat and lumpy with cold in ya eye...

right?

ummm

i have a lot to do today.
i want to clean out my house.
to the point where i have nothing left.
nothing but a table.
a bed.
a dresser.
the tv, obviously... but i want to downsize.

a move is in the near future.
i talked my grandma into visiting me for xmas next year.
which would really cut my travel expenses to 1/3, so that's
exciting!

that means, parking garage $220 (cut)
two airline tix, for amari and i $500
shopping when i shouldn't be $340
and countless amounts of sleep regained :)

death-like

today, i sent flowers for the funeral.

he passed a day before his birthday. and my friend is still holding it together.

he amazes me.

still in denver. and we spent new year's like party hoppers. we shared the midnight countdown at a live jazz joint, then went and cut a rug with doodlebug (of the digable planets) spinning all the hip hop that should've been him... it was fun.

it was hopeful.

it left me doe-eyed and renewed.

until we passed the shootout of a 12 person limo, only blocks away from our host's loft. and that put life into perspective. a denver bronco starting cornerback was killed in the machine gun spree.

it left us feeling, like, i dunno. like i knew this was coming. and maybe, just maybe new year's eve and day is nothing but another day. and i'd hate to believe that. i mean. i almost cant allow myself to believe that. what would i give amari if that's all i had left?

resolutions 07

this is gonna be short... as i promised myself i would focus on the small and real stuff. rather than the lil things that lead to the real things, ya dig? that said:

believe in self, more.

appreciate the haters, the energy to hate back is useless. besides, the hate is always what keeps us going, no?

focus on our time together. less attention to relationships outside of my own home, because when its all said and down, who really has my back?

give her more hugs. i tend to get frustrated and have a smart ass mouth. no more talking down to the maniac. only uplifting. she's a star.

delegate. that's easy enough. with all th projects i have in '07 - i need an intern, an assistant and paid vacation.

accept people for who they are, not what i see in them. not everyone has a reflection of their potential. even if hometraining isn't hard, i have to learn to respect people and all the baggage they bring, or not at all. no muss, no fuss.

keep writing. its beautiful. and so am i.