What I've Been Doing the Past 10 Days

1 inch and a 1/2

my sister's wedding is in 10 months. and i just learned
i need to lose 1 inch and 1/2 until then.
it is my great idea that i should lose double that.
great thing is -- my porptions (how ever big) allows me
little to no alterations...
thats just great.

here's to the diet that starts monday, sept 17th, 2008.
you heard it here first

cracked teeth

she smiled like you this morning
beautiful brown-eyed wonder child
of a one-sided love


and the creasing of her cheeks,
bright eyes turned whatever color yours were,
re-opened the knife wound


like masking tape
like Velcro
like its never really healed
in the first place

and, so
this scab seeps memories of a decade before
i thought i buried the soot with your old valentine's day card
next to the rotting chocolates and flesh punctured latex
never to return and pick over their remains

but here they are

raggedy toy of emotions sprawled every shade of pink
and black
reminding me there was joy and then death

so I left
them like soldiers lost at war

With all the stories and bruises and nightmares to hide

in the sand of the desert
in the swamp of the forest
in the valley of the mountain

it is days like this
that haunt me with that scary flick
...inevitability
she smiles like you,

and the pain of a broken vessel
is renewed
the steel walls are more steel gray than the tumtulous
...eye
look at her
and
wish
you nightmares

it is your absentee handiwork that forms tears upon silent phone rings
and messages never received
it is the emails unanswered and birthday wishes
of daddy's angel, blown out like
candles

I left a dollar under her pillow, the other day
Almost forgetting the fairy tale ritual, for my arms
Were tired of fighting a mere memory
This is when I pretend not to pick up the armor around
This stone heart,

when she throws her voice to your picture; waiting
for your approval to catch her
you lie, still
faded & torn, with open palms
Polaroid shell of a ghost father
Smiling an uneven grin
Shooting her dreams like a hunter
with perfect aim and
cracked teeth

this is when her last baby tooth falls;
unhinged,
mimicing the depth of your hollow,
I will pray it is the last time she
reminds me
of you

my favorite!! seriously

and of course the original!!

last nite 9.4.7

it was when the ceiling shattered

splintered by this flesh and noise; vibrations,

i cried

because your fingers

stitched together a prayer in the folds of this heaven

lurched spine, heavy hands, numb filanges

wet silent streams fall every which way

possibly

you, will be the death of me

and i will wait in the wake of you

index and thumb pressed between a velvet curtain,

musk of grown woman want,

lust swims amongst the wind, fleeing the window

of a first floor apartment

shaking the earth; a jealous twitch,

around your name, this thick tongue

touring the city of angels

monday - la green. this venue has one of the coolest host ever, rat pack slim. it was lackluster in attendance and though i gave it a great heave ho (insert: greetings to the home base) i couldn't help but feel like i was in the way! no matter. cbonejones, judy holiday, tam bam and sonya renee came to hang out with the kidd! we laughed, laughed harder and took pics to prove it! afterwards dj jedi hooked me up with the ill cd, rat pack was a great host hooking me up with some edibles and cop'n the his rib on the strength! and we headed to sonya's for a nightcap of poetry, chicken dumplings and some greasy drive thru mexican food named lucy's... don't worry - i just watched the great holiday eat it.

tues - da poetry lounge: you gotta love the west coast version of the nuyorican. unforutnately, shihan wasnt in the building to host with his sarcastic ass remarks and cut throat punchlines, my favorite, actually. but poetri did his thing. until of course he decided to give away tickets to the macy gray concert - and ME, yes I messed it up for the brother. i gave away an answer and his chance to win the tix were GONE! the whole crowd looked like they were gonna throw daggers at my ass. thank goodness i was able to rock the show right. i had to apologize and give homeboy a cd for the mishap. honestly, I DIDNT HEAR THE INSTRUCTIONS! some short dude with a mohawk was in the way! ooops, no diss javon. im just saying! lol good to get up with old friends: thea, crystal irby and jaha surprised me by showing up with her new book (published by ME! HA) whilst sekou, in-q and tshaka cracked me up all the while.




tues afterhours!: cbonejones spot. im dead tired by the time i get here. but cbones is the patna (very old school oakland for ya) so i make it a point to head to his spot. this is about when i find out the event is an erotica showcase. aww damn! not only did i NOT get that info (mr plan b) but i certainly wasn't feelin sexy! thankfully, mr jones allowed me to rock whatever i liked and let me do my thang for 20 minutes. it was mad fun, with jaha, tam bam and judy in the building. but this is where i realize i still have yet to hear the lady holilday spit a poem... not cool!



wed - i drive my neice's 4 runner back to san diego as i have a flight to oakland to tend to! i am way late leaving tamara's house in pasadena and find myself still an hour outside of san diego almost an hour and a half before my flight is to leave. thank goodness southwest has no change fee. and i make it to oakland before noon. chilling with family before my set at chaz elik's spot is always a plus. but this time it is sombering with the death of my uncle. though, my pride and babysitting spell makes it beautifully different. fast forward: the set in berkeley is located next to la pena. this is the bay area's nuyorican. i remember it well, as i heard sonya sanchez read on that stage during my first poetry reading EVER. the berzerkely slam was cool. good to see issac rock again. my aunt went with me. and afterwards we scattered before the pumkin turned into my life.

thursday - flight back to lax, and i find myself strapped with a beautiful 6 month old for a two week impromptu excursion. i am babysitting kevin amir. he is a heartbreaker and all he has managed to do is throw up, shyt and smile. more than enough. he escorts me to my feature in pomona. but not before we eat freshly made salmon salads with judah 1 and judy holiday. they are roomates, and very 90210 - ish. mic and dim lights is the closing set for my LA trip. unfortunately. it is wasted on a man with a harmonica and racist viewpoints. i rock my set. the energy is low - but hell, it could be me. kevin is sitting in the lap of tamara and i am thinking if i made enough bottles for him to feed before the night is up. i drop the line of singlemothersong. WHAT?! whatever. pick it back up after a pause, an un-apology and a farewell. i am certain my set will be welcomed regardless of the last mishap. unfortunately. my co-feature does not like white people (editor's note: 80% of the crowd is white) and decides to say it in his segway before starting poems about love, unity and such. the people walk out in droves (yes, like cattle) and the 100+ room is left with less than 30 by closing. this fuks with the pass the hat rule for features (fuk) and people actually walk out in such disgust that i thought i was the offender (a systa came back: im sorry. you were really good! i wanted to put money in the hat, but that dude was so offensive! i had to get out of there!) damn. what a way to end the tour. no matter. we laugh about home skillet all the way back to pasadena and kevin and i prepare for the flight to brooklyn



minneapolis and vegas highlights to come!

cutting teeth

if there was ever a moment you wanted to block your blessings, you wanted to spit at the heavens and forsake his holy name, you decided that there was nothing better than down - cause up was only heartache on pause -- it was this. packaged in the body of a 6 month old boy. sickle cell anemia stricken, teething baby boy. he lets me twists his curly afro. he sweats so hard in his sleep you'd think his diaper wasn't working. he's a quiet spirit but has learned to yell for reasons of the unknown. i dont know how i will say goodbye to him in 3 days and counting. it started as a babysitting situation for my young cousin. she is almost 17. this young man is her second son. i don't know how hard it will be to say goodbye for now to the baby i brought back on a plane in brooklyn, just to return him to oakland in time for our elder's wake and funeral. i don't know how i will stop smelling his feet and the crook of his neck for genuine laughter. he giggles like it costs him nothing. gums and all shining with anticipation of something sweet, rough, more. baby teeth are like that. tearing at the protective gums for their chance to cut and chew and much later, fall aside for the new and improved teeth. i feel as replacable as those baby teeth. wishing orajel came in life size quantity and allowed me more than the memories of his grin...