beckoning beauty

went to that hip hop class in the cityfelt old as hell!it was entirely too fast, though i did learn how to successfully do the "chickenhead"... isnt that great?todays class was dope. my kids are preparing for their final show and they are incredible. both classes!book is coming out on the 15th! can't say that enough!!amari gets to go on another field trip on thursday. this kid thang is expensive! i wish someone would've given me a memo! i might've stocked up on vacation hours or something! hell...i miss my grandmother. we had fun during thanksgiving. she is such a trooper. i miss coco too... i always miss her though. working on a new poem. someone told me putting on my site that i wanted to have a nude pic of myself was sinful... i told him -- i just want to love myself like...like...like HE loves me... how he loves every roll, stretchmark and blemish amazes me again and again.

new day...

feeling good
we starting our business
jive and i argue about everything
this included -- what's new?
cali was cool
poetry lounge was dope
ran thru that spot with my people's damon
he's in the navy
we argued about that the whole ride from san diego
to los angeles

it was women's nite. my girls thea and bridget grey were hosting
a couple of other ladies were as well...april i remember -- she has a cool sound. and a systa named Tamala...
thea ripped it! she had a beautiful poem about being married, stressing and stuggling with her husband artist/poet/mc GAKnew and how it all was worth it! i love them man! they make me believe in love -- especially in this f-d up game called poetr (congrats on the nu baby ya'll!).
i couldnt stay long -- so i didnt get to hear bridget (but then i also got there late)... however, running into george was great ("he seasons the meat") and hollering at molly was real.
overall: it was cool. even if damon and i argued the next 120miles back to San Diego about the state of woman hood and my responsibility to the drama... i believe, i have no responsibility to the poets -- but to the people.
he believes i am an artist and somewhat in this limelight, that makes it my responsiblity to be extra nice to artists who may feel intimidated by me. i disagree. it was a long nite. thanks for the convo damon -- but i still feel you are off ya rocker on that one! but thanks for the jack n the crack!

anyway -- so now im back in nyc.
taking dance lessons so i can have a freekin' hobby again!
arguing with jive as usual...but i have a couple of shows im looking for to... my dec 4th poetic theatre class is having their final show. my hip hop poetry class is having their final show on dec 13th @ the bowery and im in jerz wit my peoples mike and my big cousin likwid...

tell me what you doing?

anyway, now im back in

holiday cheer

im in san diego
got a pedicure
i have a show at da poetry lounge in la tonite
its the west coast version of the nuyorican
except -- its usuall y free to get in
and its much more theatrical...

im kinda tired
will be driving to the bay area first thing in the morning
my sister has ANOTHER dog
he is a mountain of hair and dog smell
she named him after our deceased grandmother (oh boy)
im ready for peach cobbler
turkey and to be back home in bklyn

random thought:
i was talkin to this young man
and its funny
he says he believes in love
yet -- he goes about finding it
totally wrong...
i mean -- if you are looking for everlasting love
you dont introduce yourself as
"i've been watching you all nite (shift manhood here)
and i think im fallin in love (again)."
i won't put his name on blast
cause he really is a good guy, just a bit distracted (to say the least)

so fellas for your holiday cheer, here are tips!
1 - been innovative. say something that is genuine -- but not something you've heard JERRY MAGUIRE say
2 - be exclusive. if you holler at her, don't holler at her friend within 10 minutes. it makes you look slimy and they laugh at your expense later.
3 - be honest. believe it or not, this works! if you just want a quickie (rarely -- but it happens) say ahead of time what you are and are not capable of! you don't want to find yourself with a wife and kids 2 years later, while you partake in cyber porn to dull the cheating sensation.
4 - be nice. assholes may have fun -- but they aren't the men we dream of. we dream of respectable men who value what a woman says and feels. screw that old time "nice guys finish last" -- those are the women you DONT want a relationship with... next thing you know, she wants you to beat her up before sex (and that's a whole nother blog)!

www.mobrowne.com/story.php -- sign the guestbook and have great karma

mahogany l. browne


a couple of shows coming up:
dec4 - bdway - a workshop featuring my kids @ park west!!
dec 5 - Port Africa, Edison NJ
dec 8 - Barnes n Noble Wilton, CT
dec 9 - Fundraiser! NAPPI JAZZ BABIES (butta, mahogany and more)

new: jezebelle's journey (a work in progress)

She’s asked the heavens for answers
With borrowed breathe
Why you ain’t make me something better?
Something more?
Just something?
Cobblestone corners house her esteem
So she pours liquor down her throat
in attempts to forget
this is her life has been & always will be
if you dont change
cause change don't come for free
and freedom is more than just what you speak,
its what you do
how you live
what you give

Too afraid to define
Her own self
She creates this
Reincarnation of jezebel
Fish netted too high heels
Fitted like glass slippers two sizes too small
Cause fairy tale divas don’t exist
Don’t know how pain taste
Can’t smell love
Just dry Blood
curldled inside pinched cheeks
her teeth sucks when she sees success
shadow of self doubt hide in her psyche
psyched herself out of living her real dreams

so now she daydreams
between stanzas and paragraphs
finds herself stalking shadows
she knows nowthis is how it feels to be insane, unkept
like weeds smothering the rose
when buds were just beginning to form
Uninterested in planting seeds
More concerned with fertilization
That’s why she hates the trees
Envious of their graceful bend
Too weak to penetrate their roots
She’s watched them dance with the wind
Too closely, perhaps
Their permanence unattainable
And she feels it in her speech
So she speaks sideways
Keeping her eyes hidden from their shade
Forgetting cracked hands like these
Once embraced each other

how to deal...women are dogs too!

who would have thought a moment of purging would result in a conversation between not only women but between men and women. i am thankful for ALL of your comments. and if you have more -- please, feel free to keep it coming. i will post all of the reponses that i get in this case, as i believe this is where the lessons begin. this is where the healing begins. even those infiltrators. i implore you -- bring the realness. when you become honest with yourself -- watch the world catch aflame!

i have simply copied and pasted the comments, conversations and viewpoints. this is more of a response than i could ever have asked for. let's make a change people...and if you ain't ready for change -- get the fuk outta my way!


Conversations with Real Women and Men...

11/16/04


derri427: I was getting angry/annoyed reading it
mahogany browne: how so??
derri427: thinking about how much I agree with you but really don’t want to
mahogany browne: who u tellin! annoyed with reading or the topic?
derri427: I don’t want to feel that hate toward other black women. I’m annoyed remembering that I feel the same way. but women push up.
mahogany browne: entirely too hard
derri: it's all self hate though
derri: see....that’s the true transgression right there
derri: it's really about respect and perspective
derri: people lack that, we're out for self so fuck the emotional repercussions
mahogany browne: I can dig that
derri: I understand the thought process but I don’t identify with it
derri: see, this is my thing now, I know they're that way b/c of some lack of love/care in their life and I don’t want to continue to inflict but I won't do it at the cost of letting myself be disrespected....and therein lies the rub
derri: know what I appreciate the most about the poem though....? the emphasis you place on the love between the women and sideline the men in the middle
derri: b/c they truly are just middlemen in a lot of cases
derri: I just don’t understand how someone can act with that much disregard
mahogany browne: me neither
mahogany browne: I never ever would do it
mahogany browne: I had many chances
mahogany browne: and as soon as I found out they were married or whateva
mahogany browne: I LEFT
mahogany browne: I felt it my duty, not to hurt another woman
mahogany browne: and I know that’s a bit much
mahogany browne: but I believe we as woman can stop this problem if we say NO
derri: exactly
mahogany browne: leave her then fuk wit me or not at all!
derri: (men and their decision making is a whole other conversation)
mahogany browne: word up!
mahogany browne: i'm not even gonna take it there!
derri: I don’t know what it is, maybe women feel like the pool of eligible men is drying up so now its grab-n-go when it comes to relationships
mahogany browne: that’s not the focal point
derri: another day
mahogany browne: word!
derri: another poem
mahogany browne: but the problem still lies within
derri: oh definitely
derri: question is how do you get inside to fix it
mahogany browne: which is my dilemma
derri: when a FRIEND can be that fake with what you thought were their inner feelings, you have to stop to think what’s the extent of that inner destruction and are they past helping
derri: the optimist in me says no but sometimes I wonder
mahogany browne: I try not to be a pessimist
mahogany browne: but
mahogany browne: everything in my history tells me not to trust women
mahogany browne: and not to trust men...men you sleep with anyway
derri: lol...damn, isn’t that sad
mahogany browne: so
mahogany browne: i've worked on my trust issues with men
mahogany browne: speaking up about concerns before they fester
mahogany browne: and as far as women
mahogany browne: I try harder
mahogany browne: because men are another species
mahogany browne: but I feel like, you my sista
mahogany browne: if I just put myself in your shoes -- it will work out
derri: you feel the more intimate the relationship the more tenuous the trust....yeah but people just don’t do that
mahogany browne: exactly!
derri: its crazy that things work that way
mahogany browne: it is
derri: I think it’s a good thing that you’re hurt over it
mahogany browne: yea?
mahogany browne: I don’t know...
derri: if you weren’t that would mean you'd become numb to feelings and made yourself "okay" with bullshit



VIC: I think its good...I think we've all been on that side of it and it seems very true to the experience
VIC: I’ve been on both sides of the issue
VIC: I know how it feels to love someone who's with someone else
VIC: I also know that you can love them and understand and respect their situation
VIC: and be responsible and NOT cross those lines
mahogany browne: that’s my point
mahogany browne: NOT crossing those lines
mahogany browne: is a big difference
VIC: I also know that women aren’t born to do that...be conniving and covet etc.
VIC: usually they had experiences that made them get into those situations
mahogany browne: hmmmm
VIC: I’ve been betrayed by a friend of mine, who slept with my guy with no regard for me. I know she did it because she has emotional issues I’ve forgiven her...but it took me like 10 yrs
mahogany browne: we as women have nurtured other women thru these things. my question is why do continue doing it to other women? the cycle is perpetuated by the same creatures that have suffered from it
VIC: I think that it’s more than a "woman" issue
mahogany browne: I think that’s where it starts
VIC: I think it’s bigger than that
mahogany browne: it affects everyone. but it’s like gratuitous booty shots. it won’t stop until there is a halt in the practice of women
VIC: its the 'fuck you...ima get mine" mentality. it runs all through our community etc
mahogany browne: exactly
mahogany browne: but in this case
mahogany browne: this is something that can change
VIC: fuck the community...i’m going to sell my drugs and get the rims fuck the consequences...i’m fuckin them bitches and doin me and if they get pregnant that’s on them as a community its our responsibility to be responsible with our knowledge and with other people
mahogany browne: why would we continue behavior that we have seen self-destruct
mahogany browne: like some sort of spiteful vindictive BITCH shyt!




wow that’s deep and important because so many women are ignorant to effect of their actions and the repercussions of their actions. I think it’s always been here and it will always be here. You take it like you take all forms of ignorance, with a quick dismiss and keep movin’. Being in a relationship I’ve been on the receiving end of unwanted advances once in a awhile you drop wifeys name as to not be rude most of the time they’ll get the point. There’s always a lil’ demon inside of men saying - you could get that easily. She’s on you. But love beats the hell out that demon every time at least for me it does. And it’s an even bigger boast to my lil ego to decline :-) Keep writing sis. You have something to say and I love you for that.

Yayo


I fully agree with it. I think that sisterhood is no longer the same because of women like that and more importantly the lives many of those women come out of believe they're nothing if they don't have all the male attention. Comes from not having good fathers many times. Thus they seek the love they never got in the world and feel threatened by other women as competition for their goals… Maybe she's jealous of the purity of your relationship. But anyway that's some foul shit. I hope you're through with her.

Kenji


Unfortunately, the act of disrespect has become prevalent now moreso than ever. I have no doubt that this existed among woman before, but it seems to be the common norm now with songs from woman hip hop artists bragging about how your man wants to be with her or can't forget her p***y or how she's waiting for an opportunity to be alone with your man. Sisters have each others' backs when they're in a group, but quickly flip the script when they're on their own and alone with your man. Babyface had a song where he tries to reason with his woman, stating that her girlfriend wasn't really a friend and tried to get into his pants when his woman's not there. Trust is a gift, but not many are worthy of it. Sometimes it's unintentional. Maybe we're products of society or maybe we just don't give a damn. We just put on the front that we have morals, but deep inside would do anything if we weren't caught. It sounds to me that, based on your blog, some women are no better than men. I found your written piece very moving and close to home. Because even as a man I have experienced what you have and so have others surrounding me. Hence, I had to cutoff some people I never intended to, because I grew up... and they chose not to; or we simply grew out of whatever it was we were... *shaking head* In any case, your piece is on point and should be a monologue. It's that good and I hope you do something with it and consider submitting it to a contest a magazine or something. Keep me posted, Warrior Princess.

~MUSE

tired
but i cant sleep
had a bit of a obstacle today
gave a woman more credit than she deserved
i realize, she's no better than the dirty dick men i wind up hating
she's no longer a woman i trust, respect and oh yea, did i say trust??
i would call her a slut... but that doesn't mean much
her soul is transparent -- which is worse in my book
i would call her a bitch -- but that doesn't mean anything either
women today, pride themselves in that stupid acronym (Being In Total Control of Herself)
so i will call her traitor
she's the type of female that makes REAL women look bad
we shudder when we see her coming
not because she is dressed nice
an unsubtle flirt
or even charismatic
but because she is a disgrace to all women
sister bonds are no longer formed because of women like her
that's why there are drag outs and name callings from across dance floors
when other women fondle, touch or make advances to someone's lover

these fights ensue, not because we are afraid of losing our significant others
(that's the surface -- important, but invalid in this case)
but because we are saddened to know that another person, who possibly could be or may have been in the same position as us,
isn't considerate enough to think of the pain that their actions will cause.
we pride ourselves as nurturers, protectors and sometimes even saviors.

"Im not slimy like that" she might mutter
don't believe her. she will slip your trust in her pocket like a catholic priest.
it is now that i am honest about what i am capable of.
and what i am not capable of.
i can not be a friend to all women.
though i wish i could -- i think it best for my sanity that we share a mutual respect
and if that can not be conquered -- the only loss is her place in a strong and loving woman's heart.

i feel sorry for her.
she is alone, her friends are probably mistrusting of her as well
and the man she sleeps with will wake up one day and smell the liar on her tongue.
her days as mental prostitute will become long and hardened
as she shows her emotions for a quick thrill.
she is easily forgotten.
and now, i know how it feels to be duped by a woman.

blah blah blah o yea & vote

nov 2nd
vote
what does that really mean?
vote
i voted 4 years ago and look what the hell happened
or didnt happen?
anyway
im still jetlagged
getting up at 6am
thats not cool
but its definitely giving me time to clean the house
redo my website
fold clothes
feed cats
sort laundry
instead of sleeping and dreaming about a certain young man with nice arms and muscular back -- he always winks when he sees me and makes me, ermmm
sorry -- got lost...
anyway
im on my way to get dunkin donuts (like i need more)
prepare for my class at the group home
and *gag* VOTE

www.mobrowne.com/story.php (sign the guestbook, dammit!)