windy city

too much to say. too little time

so imma keep it gutter!

- show in milwaukee @ taboo
-missed amari more than i knew. she's taller than me. well almost
-good to hang with the fam
-great to hang with my poetry fam in arkansas (love ya sonya, marcell, mike, whoppeecat, doug and all thos poets from little rock!)

will come back when kinko's ain't charging an arm and a leg -- and the kids aren't in the car
pantin' like wild wolves.

live from CHI-town, on her way to MILWAUKEE, missing BKLYN baddd

ARKANSAS & MIKE MCGEE

touched down in little rock around 10pm. 2 and a half hours (you know a sista loves to speed on a highway) and i finally turn into my hotel.

woke up, braided my hair then decided to take a walk thru fayetteville, arkansas.

went to the farmers market, book shopping and to pick up coffee and a bagel

made it back to the hotel in time to see mike mcgee smoking a cig in the front

we converse about poetry rockstars and the fallbacks of touring

5 things i've learned in the last 13 hours:

it's ok to buy books when touring. where else can you find the autobiography of leroi jones (amiri barake), pearl cleage and james weldon johnson for less than 30 bucks??

it is needed. conversations between poets and thinkers. writers and activists. to know you are not alone. MCGEE RULES

nextel still works whenever the hell it wants too. how's that for a new freekn phone?

buying clothes from the "URBAN" store may not be a good idea. though the shirt is very flyy (cause it is) remember that you can get the same shirt in LA (where the owner shops for her store) at a discounted price.

its ok to call home. especially when someone is waiting for you.

pop my collar like the fonz

woke up late!

dammit -- didn't get a chance to move the car (but someone had mercy
cause i didnt get a ticket!! yay)

no time for color copies or phys therapy appointment.

just time to kiss my man while he sleeps and remind a friend...


liveMIK -- you gotta shake them haters, ma.

they wait for your strut to stagger so they can bite your essence
and wear it like a mink.

trust me. i've lived thru it.

they want to be you sooo bad - they start talking like you, writing like you, hell - probably dressing like you. that's if you let 'em.

remember they can imitate excellence - but can they re-create genuis?

wrong with right

something is wrong

i can feel it

im not too happy these days with people

whats the difference, you ask...? i dont know. now it kinda resonates with me.

i hope im just PMSn

as usual drama lingers

every fiber of me is like: don't start no shyt won't be no shyt

i wish people would read the signs

still dealing with the slam team sabatoge

ugh -- reminder that people can really be asses

all in the name of what?

there it goes again - my brain vibrating to the world:
dont start no shyt, wont be no shyt!

that goes for you too!

mos def and baby mommas

so there she is -- ms mos def. he married her after meeting her in the club. within 72 hours - they were happily ever after...

speaking of baby mama's (well i wasn't just yet - but ya know): i wonder what mos def's baby moms is thinking right now?

have you listened to his last album -- J hip'd me to the infidelity references so i wonder. were they working on their relationship? or was he just a no show in that category?

wonder if she ever knew he would turn from Dante to mos def in all his genuisness leave her in the dust. with grammy nominations in one hand & this new chick in the other...

just wondering. i mean. who am i? besides a vindictive, male hating, writer broad?!

damn...

cant go back to sleep

gotta clean up now, i guess

i've kept the kitchen clean (which is HUGE for me)

but my room still has luggage from the 3 week stint, before the week away in new mexico -- booo..

gotta do the laundry. not now - but right now.

need to reserve a rental car -- IMMEDIATELY

i am stuck watching the child star biographies on AE and searching for blogs that don't exist

waiting for the world to stop moving - ain't gonna happen anytime soon.

but i will mail out those tickets (10 orders just this morning!!)

no you can't be mad at that!

no sleep til brooklyn

thought it was just a song... stayed up til 6am this morning... i need to get back right with my sleeping habits. amari is home soon and her school schedule will kick my ass if i don't!

going back to bed...dammit

30 TICKETS LEFT, JAM ON IT -- SEPT 10, 2005!

www.jamonitpoetry.com

das right. jive and i have taken it ova... next stop - ya hood! lol
check out the site! where we feature the newest lineup of the poetry circuts hottest artists!
we only have 30 tickets left of the 120 seater theatre!

www.jamonitpoetry.com

if you are asking yourself why you should check - don't! just check it out!
come enjoy a night full of POETRY ROCKSTARS!
if you were wondering how you could buy your ticket any sooner -- here's ya chance!

so what are you waiting on?

www.jamonitpoetry.com

diggin'

charmed the tv show is the best!

i have no idea what i am working on these days -- lets just say STUFF... sigh...

i have coffee meetins all day... also reading andrea gibson's material. she sent me a package of her poetry -- her writing is so heavy. i love her ish!

talked to one of my absolute favorite londoners! agnes - my co-author in the upcoming book of poetry, is awaiting my arrival in October. we will have a ball. i can't wait to see her. she is also feeling the heel of the world's sneaker - so i will be the friend that she deserves. knock it off track and help her dust off. i love her


amari comes home on friday! well - i have a slam in arkansas, then i take a plane to chicago to pick her up. where we will hang out at the theme park with my neice and nephew before i have a show in milwaukee. then we will come home! yeaaaa

gotta run some errands. see ya soon

poetry bites...hard & sometimes - it leaves a mark

life before now...

i was talking to someone about my life -- before this poetry thang. and i think that i have one of the luckiest lives ever. really. i mean, i was kidnapped by my father as a ploy to control my mother when i was a couple of years old. we stayed in oklahama for almost 6 months. when he returned me to my mother, she was at work (some federal bank) and demanded for her to leave with us immediately. she was too slow, cause he hit her. again. that was the last memory i have of my father. the police cornering him down the stairs of some back entrance. him telling me to walk fast. my mother crying. me singing. and then -- i don't really remember to much of him after that.

i know i saw him every now and then. like when i was 12. he slapped me in the face for interrupting him while he was talking to his friend. i wasn't trying to be disrespectful -- i just wanted to show him how smart i was. i mean damn. i hadn't seen him in almost 10 years! next time i saw him it was at my high school graduation. i was 18. not really concerned if he saw how intelligent i had become. he was visibly struggling with being a free man and addicted to drugs. he would land back in prison on some type of violation within 6 months. and the last time i saw him -- my daughter was 6 months old. i asked him to hold her so i could take a picture of them together. i knew then it would probably be the last time i saw him alive. and the last time amari would be able to see her grandfather at all. that was 7 years ago.

the men i date almost NEVER resemble him. my father. i know that people have that complex. women date men like their fathers or maybe alot of men because they didn't have their father. but me -- i date men who are NOTHING LIKE HIM. if they even chew like him or walk like him -- it's a wrap! i'm also quit violent. i have never hit a man -- but i'm always ready to swing them thangs. my mother was beaten. severely. my father's mother dealt with that bullshit from my grandfather until she stabbed him in the leg with a fork. calmed his ass down -- but not his attitude. he would keep that fire in him until he passed from cancer. it was crazy, cause i never saw that while he held me close. i thought he was HEAVEN. but i know he was hell on earth when it came to my grandma. and i just don't know why. my maternal grandmother had it a lil' different. she dealt with verbal and emotional abuse. and she was a trooper. she held down the entire family. got me and my sister and my brother and my mother into school. talked my grandfather (who remained her best friend even after they divorced) into going back to school. she was just the dopest. i think i have her spirit.

i tend to want to help EVERYONE. especially whomever i am dating. and it can be hard. amari's father -- the ass that he is -- benefited from this immensely. i did everything from helping him with his financial aid papers to transporting him from one job to the second job! but i believed in him. all because he was EVERYTHING that my father WASN'T. or so i thought!

my father was a womanizer --- he wasn't faithful *found that part out when amari was 3 months old!
my father was hardly there for me growing up --- he is only there when i make it convenient for him to do so (i.e., buy airline ticket, call constantly, etc).

and the list goes on. i thought he was a good guy. and i found out he was human. like everyone else. problem is -- i got a problem with liars. a big problem. my father was good for telling me one thing and doing another. it happened enough that i gained a complex with people saying something and doing something totally different. even now. i SPAZ out if someone says one thing and does the total opposite. i'm like "BE HONEST ASSHOLE". we aren't kids - there is no PUNISHMENT or TIME OUT. be a freekn adult! i can trace it back to the last childhood memory of my father.

i was 12. and we were at my grandparent's house. my father was downstairs getting high with a cousin. i wandered in the room, trying to be nosey -- ya know, doing what young kids do. and caught them. i ran upstairs to tell my grandpa - thinking it was nothing huge... as i had never actually SEEN him getting high. but after my grandfather went OFF and tossed my father out of the house -- i knew i had messed up. i kept saying sorry and my father brushed it off. said, "hey. don't worry. i'm just going to the store. i will be back. what do you want?"
i asked for an orange soda. and then i didn't see him again until my high school graduation. it wasn't until i reached my mid-twenties that i realized i was deeply affected. besides steering clear of men that even remotely resembled my father - i also refused to drink orange soda.


go figure...

texas poker, feline furniture, coin collections & babymaking

texas poker & feline furniture -- a memo to the anonymous blog posters/posers

dear YOU:
i dig that you are hustling, word. but if i were that interested in your website and/or products - i would google your ass. please do not post on my blog as if you have insight to what the hell i am going thru! it's not cool. really. i have cats. two of those feline rat-killers. i love them for taking care of the mice - but on most occasions - but im not buying NO furniture dammit. i live in brooklyn. where the smallest apartment available is synonymous with COZY. and the most i know about poker - is watching annie duke whoop a man outta 2 million dollars on ESPN. and ya know what MR/MS ANONYMOUS --that's all i wanna know. i don't collect coins cause NYC is the land of extortionists - so i have to save those quarters for parking meters and public telephones that don't work! please, don't make me ask you again - don't post ads on my baby(baby being blog). as i take care of her - constantly, and i'd hate to have to repay the favor. i mean, two wrongs don't make a right...right?

your truly.

mahogany l. browne

now...back to my shyt!

babymaking:

so my best friend since high school - stephanie a., aka steph dawg - is having her first CHILD!
yeaaaaa! she is 4 months pregnant and i couldnt be more happier for her. she worked at the governer's office for the capital of california, she quit to go back to law school -- she is dope. so the fact that she is having a lil' one ----- it just rocks!

to do: 8/19/05

-finish writing assignment - only 2 to go

-update my email list

-send out mass email re: SEPT 10th show

-fax expense sheet to the great state of texas!

-check into new theatre for more seating

-watch million dollar baby (for the 3rd time in 2 days)

-unbraid my hair

-wash my clothes

-finish the most heartbreaking poem i have ever wrote (more on that later)

-stay off of livejournal and blogspots...dammit!

-view new house (cross fingers all the way)

-clean kitchen

-pick up mail

-get directions to chicopee, ma for the gumbo gig tonite

-say i love you. no really. i do

-go snuggle before i have to complete this long ass list...

why am i...

so excited?

- i bought dvd's: constantine, closer, sin city, be cool & million dollar baby last nite. YES!

- i just relocated my postcard book by keba armand konte! nice

- we have an incredible line up for sept 10th, then we sketched out another incredible show for oct 22nd! can you smell change poetry? ummmm

- house hunting keeps me hopeful

- im getting a puppy today. the guy said no - but im getting it ANYWAY! no its not a puggle (my 3rd favorite) no it's not a bulldog (my 2nd fav) no it's not an Am Staffie (which is my all time fav)
... it's a pit bull. all white with pink noise and blue eyes... awwwwwwwwwww

- ready for my album to come be birthed. the cocoon process is almost complete!

- im still euphoric over the nationals. it was so incredible.

so im back

working like a madwoman.

sept 10th's show is coming together MAGNIFICANTLY!

featuring:

Rives (HBO Def Jam)
Big Mike (Of Nuyorican fame)
Samantha Raheem (Juliard Instructor & Poet)
& Ainsley Burrows (International Poetry Recording Artist).

same place (358 West 44th Street -- 8/9th Ave)
same time (10pm SHARP!)
same price ($15 -- but if you get to me soon, i have $10 tickets!!)

must go back to work.
...something beautiful is coming to it's final stages
new work is bursting from my fingertips
and love is still so present - my stomach aches

c ya soon my lovelies

untitled 1091

its between the light and dark
side of things
hidden in shadows
and prisms of laughter
only cut wrists and the like

swoon me with your smile
if you want to know how pain taste
feel it through
each silent plea
warn my love of your intention

i know thy honor is of fairy tale dimensions

but we are of another time
where moments passed are simply
gas erupted into space
never repeating the posture of lightening
only threatening to return when we least expect it

worry me a reason
grab my attention with the idea
wish me a promise that this stands ...still
though i know you've readied for our demise
as i washed in the milk of redemption
soaked away the grit of a lost love

rinse
repeat
and pray

...still
no one has ever rest in my bones
like you

so scrape away my marrow
find room in my warm spaces
feel the blood that runs
thru this heart
that beats like you -- steady and ever questioning

but don't leave before
the sun breaths a ray
shallows the darkened path
with light
bright
and loud
colors colliding
unrehearsed
like
children

...mo spaces...

you can never be of this world
your heart beats too big for this
galaxy and the next

woke up late. 'round 1245pm. he's still sleep. teasing me to taste the slumber for just a bit longer. had to check on the nps ish... that woke my ass up. real quick. if u wanna know about that -- you gotta check the other blog. word... think i will head back to sleep - before i go to my phys therapy appointment. we will talk again soon.

pinky swear

...spaces...

i was crazy inspired this past week -- regardless of the bullshit that tainted our team's advancement and unity. (how ironic)... however, the expierience was of once in a lifetime. every poet should get to hang out with over 300 poets, toured around the city like the rockstars that we are! and the ego's are so there -- just like high school. but the bigger picture hosts a kalediscope of incredible thinkers and performers and writers. and if we had not experience the bad how would we know how good it can be.

happy to be back in nyc

the rain is kinda welcoming -- cause the heat in this apartment can be too draining. but i am home. for now

a quickie!

tues:
we get here in new mexico
our travels were pretty eventless - lucky us
almost everyone outside of our flight was delayed
courtesy of thunderstorms, etc
chilling - practicing - greeting friendly poets
like i aint seen em in years...

wed:
the poets are in full bloom
love out to: CHRISTA BELL (who i SOOOOOO hate right now, cause she is bothering the SHYT outta me),
corrina bain, sonya renee, queen sheba, big mike, andrew tyree, brady, ovi, jive, roger, tai, dammit -- i've lost count by now: will, ZORK, JARED, KA, janean, mr guinn, vocab, rac, rockbaby, joaquin, twainflow, rob, shihan... no more just yet. but understand we have 75 teams (including france) rep'n this year... our bout against miami & st. louis & noraz & corpus christi... we pull first DAMN. but the last round i pull out single muva song... we walk away with a win. NICE

thurs:
all this free continental breakfast can wear on ya...still coming off the win high. was told i had the highest score of our bout. then i see the scores that the person at the bout told me were off... by a point. so i am the second highest of the bout. but we still got our 1. no worries... gotta go practice and get ready for the african american showcase... in a minute

and we're off...

new mexico hold on to ya britches! a town full of poets (almost 1000 haiku-writing, coffee-drinking, chain-smoking, shyt talking literary genuises!)

i'm taking jive to his lift off now. it's 4:20am and his flight leaves soon.

my flight doesn't leave til 9am... but i have to be there by 7am...

just finished packing. tooth is aching -- but i am already to be done with this

i wish everyone luck!

success!

it was sooo dope!
im tired cause i went to the bklyn
picnic again. it's every sunday.
just music and food and beautiful people
performing
capoeria
and talking...

went to practice -- no one was there -- so i came home.

check out the jam on it blog for the details of the show.

im tired still... but heavenly... word

tag - i'm it -- dammit 13!

cause i can never pass these damn things up...

Five songs I'll always love:
vision of love
knocking the boots
as we lay
anything by sade
i will die for you

what was I doing ....

10 years ago:
trying to graduate from high school and driving my grandmother crazy!

5 years ago:
moving to new york, driving my grandmother crazy, raising an incredible lil girl alone.

1 year ago:
missing my grandmother. raising said maniacal child, living in new york and being in love.

Yesterday:
working on projects: writing and producing.

Today:
resting for said projects. checking on incredible child who is now driving my grandmother crazy.

Tomorrow:
producing a helluva show -- and dreaming about the next big project. praying for grandmother and lil girl in between.

5 snacks I enjoy:
sunflower seeds (dont hate!)
m&m peanuts
jelly belly jelly beans
mr goodbar
cap n crunch cereal

5 bands i like:
roots
maze
damn... i don't know if rappers count as bands?



5 things I would do with $100,000,000:
buy a house
pay for amari's college tuition
pay for my grandmother's vacation
pay for my neice and nephew's tuition
start my non-profit for young women

5 locations to run away to:
paris
bklyn
jamaica
oakland
canada

5 things I wish I could wear:
french lingerie
stilettos (freekn broken ankle)
anything from my senior year of high school
cleats to bed
a fireman's uniform

5 Movies:
color purple
usual suspects
napoleon dynamite
blade I, II & III -- oops, i think i went over huh!?

5 biggest joys at the moment:
birth of my daughter
birth of my first album
birth of my first book
my first published piece of journalistic work
my first standing ovation

5 toys:
spongebob anything
my laptop (and everything that comes with it)
pacman plug-in
and my ahem, adult toys... lol

i tag: jive, matthew & christa

almost there...

so we are working our ASTERISKS off.
ready for the show.
gonna be gangsta!
taalam, roger, celena and sonya renee!

cya there?!

358 W. 44th Street (8th Ave)

and if you missed this one... you really missed it. but no worries. next one is SEPT 10th. get ya tickets now!

POETRY ROCKSTARS! featuring:

flowmentalz (HBO)
big mike (southern fried 2nd place & Nuyorican Team 2005)
ainsley burrows (internationally known)
and a special guest! stay tuned to see who!

tell ya bout the show tomorrow nite -- maybe sunday...!

m

things to do list

get hair braided

get a pedicure

email webmaster

check email

mail bills

go to Nextel Repair (again)

finish compiling the poems for ...something beautiful recording

turn off the TV

buy some pillows for the Aug 6th show. we have officially OVER SOLD the theatre. (i.e., some people goin' sit on the floor with them damn pillows!)

get ready for my meeting with the lawyer

email my editors for extension :( i soo suck.

say sorry. if i have ever hurt you, i apologize.

ding dong!

ok

last nite -- was fukn amazing! if you need a lil' ghetto fabulous to remind you that you rock stages -- go to Taste Lounge. they brought me in moved two young unsuspecting men from a table and seated me and jive's sis. i brought her with me cause i thought the new college grad would want to party. she is an incredible writer (it runs in the family) and she did her thizzle on the mic. also my girl jocelyn from bad boy was in the house -- she surprised me. it's been a minute since we got to hang so it was great to see her. once i got on stage, i found myself threatening the loud patrons at one point (i.e., i'm real sensitive. if you make me feel bad about my performance i will have to throw a chair at you! lol or telling all the ladies that we will have a cagney and lacey support group afterwards. meet in the parking lot with black turtlenecks and bricks for child support enforcement!) its fun -- hype as hell, the dj is on point. that's all i have to say about that!

went to the doctor today. looks like i have an extra operation to intervene with this toe curling... which sucks ass! no matter. i still rocks the brand new pumas and stroll like i got a purpose. CAUSE I DO!


went to the shop for our show after the doctor's appointment. i wanted to go home, but J gave me a list and i had to pull my part of the load. so while im gathering the accrutrements (sp) i run into a sista that looks at my shirt and says I love that! (its says i love black people). we get to talkin and she's like -- are you from buffalo? or atlanta? and im looking at her like -- i know her. then it clicks! we met in atlanta at the apache over a year ago. she bought the cd and went to college with jive! so im like -- hey, what are you doing here? turns out -- she's getting her grad study on at NYU. invited her to the show, cause we got crazy emotional, just catching up (in the middle of the peanut butter, jelly and cereal aisle!). but i invited her to the show. gave her my last comp, as she just moved to brooklyn two days ago! how bout that?! she said brooklyn was calling her. and this morning she felt like she was finally home. i said, that's the pull it has on people. especially creative ass hustla's! we thrive on the planet of brooklyn!


as far as the boot camp... thanks for the IM beatrice. good to know ya'll watching out for me! but i'm almost finished...damn near. but my brooklyn apartment is too small and too full of books and heat! it's just too hot to think. so i am going to the movies! i will wait in the starbucks nearby until showtime (with the lovely air conditioner) and finish what i have left.

ps -- thanks for the call KIM, we will catch up at nationals! new mexico, look out. it's on and poppin! lol :o

pps -- ding dong the witch is dead.

midnight oil

worked til 2 this morning
back on the grind

finished two of the 4 bullets

let's see what kinda rabbit i can pull
out of this hat in the last 14 hours!

...exasperation

still no time, however a huge pain of a toothache is trip hop'n the entire side of my right face!

yea for me