superRESPONSIBILITY

so i am at cross road
how do i swallow what i know and call myself woman?

how do i look someone in the eye and say i love them, all the while
holding their happiness in a shit covered bag, that only the world
can smell.

bad analogy, maybe?

but i know this. this year is going to be bigger than the cheaters and the beaters and the womanizers and the liars and the haters and haters and the haters.

i will find a way.

i will find my way.

i will find you when i get there.

denver, the new year and other things - in fragments

i am live in denver.
the show last nite was cool, however, my lost baggage and long time holiday/jet lag sag had set in , so i was incredibly happy that it went as well as it did.

the show was satuarated with poets from NYC, surprisingly, that didn't cut the room's energy.

did i tell you they lost my luggage? yup. so its official, i hate delta airlines.

and amari is in southern cali living it up with cousins and i miss her more than ever these days.

and it was good to see him.

even though they lost my baggage.

talking is always good for the heart. it felt like awhile since we caught up. even if it was just since the earlier phone call, or the emails.

so im thinking of my resolutions.

life with family was easy this time around. my lil cousin is ready to burst with another baby. my cousin just had her 5th child. jessica here in denver is due in 6 days. and bassey and elai keep me smiling.

all this baby fever got me wondering, what the hell was in the water.

24 hours to live

what would you do?

for the man that had a wife (WIP)

for the man that had a wife (WIP)
i cannot speak with uncertainty

i wanted you when

i found the dirty in me, while crawling around your hidden spaces

i thought: she is wonderous

how you learn to love the soot and brush aside one's beauty?

i wish i could find the courage to stop hating life

long enough to roll around the grassy bloom of self

but i continue to buy gifts of admiration for men,

hoping i could find a him like he



but the sunrise is never promised

when a moonstruck gypsy turns lovesick



my type never ran for school office

no popularity contest held my name on ballots

i am a figment of your idea of what a vixen could be

so hate me more,

i am all the things that you despise

hate me like, the moment you looked in his eyes

and caught my reflection

though he will never leave you for me

i'm the type he keeps hidden on knees beneath your portrait

lovely woman who i always wanted to be

accept too my smeared reflection

i want you to love me like you love he

if only to say, "I know you're hurting"

find the beauty in the swollen knuckles and scarred knees



i will respond with the same envious stare

the blinks of green remain presently stale

i've grown tired of watching your lovely

how he flees to rest in your arms

and leave me here

slapping wind with a shattered heart,

wrapping a scarf of lies around my throat

matching it with earrings of distrust

these boots were made for ego crumbling,



and i only know how to wear the ugly

Want some?

Sheroshima meets the Bootlegger! that's right! all you need is paypal and you can snatch Sheroshima tracks NOW!!!

fam moments

i missed my fam. black, vic, jermaine, murph, mark, dashaun, greg, kovas, and all the arms of love that come attached: sara, j, tanyoka - i love them all. the brunch, the laughter, the life sharing was wonderous.

i never realized how complete it made me feel.

amari

made student of the month...

how proud am i?

losing touch

i have about 10 minutes to write.
a couple of days ago i missed my studio session, because i just couldnt pull it together.
even know. i dont know what i should be doing, but i know i havent written - even if just
to feel my fingers tapping against the keyboard for days.

i have answered emails, set up meetings, completed lesson plans, taught classes, run lines, ordered dinner, scoured myspace but no writing. my last attempt was the ending of the week
for that recoloration project. it didnt hit me. the picture that is.

i felt so desensitized that i didnt know what the hell was wrong with me. i miss talking to friends
without having to wonder what next. or am i sharing too much. or am i not sharing enough. my friend's father is dying. and my heart bleeds for him. i know how he cares for his father, but he's the type that wont show any signs of pain until he's brimming over.

i know, and im sorry. that feeling is never easy. how do you console pre-death? the fact that it really isn't ok. and someone is going to leave you. the person that you've had in your life since you knew you had a life - is now passing. how do you tell someone, it's ok.

i dont think you can. i know i can't. when my grandmother passed. all i wanted was to be held. i would break into tears any given moment and it hurt so bad i thought i would lose my breath. but it lessens, the vice grip on your chest. and though when i think of Coco, now. im sad that she isnt here to see amari be Dorothy in her school play, or me running a business without going bankrupt (just yet) or my sister getting married. or my mother finally clean. i know she is watching. i feel that. sometimes, i ask for strength and out of nowhere, hear her "go ahead kiddo" and it gets down. call it over the top. i call it faith. but i wish she were her so i could see her face. touch her cheek. trim her halle berry haircut. hug her again.

and that's life. the regret. the wishes, the take backs, the do overs that never happen. we treat each other like disposable plates, carrying the load until we crack and are then expendable. still, i dont believe all life is that. Coco knew she was loved. even in the tough of it. and im sure his father knows his son is trying to portray the strength his father taught him, growing up.

i wish i could tell him i understand, and that be enough.

what

are you looking at? go cop that!

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love you all, see you soon, and if i don't cop this until we meet again

lovelove

*orders mailed out dec 15th!

she wants to know

if cats have foreheads.

i laughed until my stomach hurt...