cutting teeth

if there was ever a moment you wanted to block your blessings, you wanted to spit at the heavens and forsake his holy name, you decided that there was nothing better than down - cause up was only heartache on pause -- it was this. packaged in the body of a 6 month old boy. sickle cell anemia stricken, teething baby boy. he lets me twists his curly afro. he sweats so hard in his sleep you'd think his diaper wasn't working. he's a quiet spirit but has learned to yell for reasons of the unknown. i dont know how i will say goodbye to him in 3 days and counting. it started as a babysitting situation for my young cousin. she is almost 17. this young man is her second son. i don't know how hard it will be to say goodbye for now to the baby i brought back on a plane in brooklyn, just to return him to oakland in time for our elder's wake and funeral. i don't know how i will stop smelling his feet and the crook of his neck for genuine laughter. he giggles like it costs him nothing. gums and all shining with anticipation of something sweet, rough, more. baby teeth are like that. tearing at the protective gums for their chance to cut and chew and much later, fall aside for the new and improved teeth. i feel as replacable as those baby teeth. wishing orajel came in life size quantity and allowed me more than the memories of his grin...