past days

i have been staying away from typing in my blog cause i don't wanna lose it.

i dont wanna put everything out there and harm the innocent -- or the guilty.

and that is a tiring position. i mean, i am all about truth and honesty - even though i believe in "white lies".

ya know, you don't look horrible. it isn't that bad! no one will remember -- moments. but then - there are the times that i don't want to lie.

don't want to pretend that i don't know speckles of your truth. how you sit when you think no one is looking. how slimy you must really be chasing someone when your someone is at home, waiting.

don't want to pretend that i don't remember the moments of her crying over you. because she thought this would really be the last time she would cry over you.

and i don't want to pretend that you don't deserve better than her. that her frame is worthy of your feverish banter. you are worthy of it all.

but to sit in the prescence of these beings i'd have to lie. act like my life doesnt' reflect sorted images of hysteria, that my poems aren't all autobiographical, that i don't fall victim to knives of insecurities.

that i don't love and rethink the love that's given.

that i don't wait for the other shoe to drop.

that i don't care if this doesn't make sense.