for the man that had a wife (WIP)

for the man that had a wife (WIP)
i cannot speak with uncertainty

i wanted you when

i found the dirty in me, while crawling around your hidden spaces

i thought: she is wonderous

how you learn to love the soot and brush aside one's beauty?

i wish i could find the courage to stop hating life

long enough to roll around the grassy bloom of self

but i continue to buy gifts of admiration for men,

hoping i could find a him like he



but the sunrise is never promised

when a moonstruck gypsy turns lovesick



my type never ran for school office

no popularity contest held my name on ballots

i am a figment of your idea of what a vixen could be

so hate me more,

i am all the things that you despise

hate me like, the moment you looked in his eyes

and caught my reflection

though he will never leave you for me

i'm the type he keeps hidden on knees beneath your portrait

lovely woman who i always wanted to be

accept too my smeared reflection

i want you to love me like you love he

if only to say, "I know you're hurting"

find the beauty in the swollen knuckles and scarred knees



i will respond with the same envious stare

the blinks of green remain presently stale

i've grown tired of watching your lovely

how he flees to rest in your arms

and leave me here

slapping wind with a shattered heart,

wrapping a scarf of lies around my throat

matching it with earrings of distrust

these boots were made for ego crumbling,



and i only know how to wear the ugly