manchester, blackburn, london and back to manchester

i have not had a moments rest.
atleast not until last night
that was after 3 workshops and 2
performance, that i finally fell into
a mediocre chinese buffet and then my bed
at the hotel to watch american tv and fall
asleep thinking of soprano bad guys, and
mafia hits.

my time thus far, has been tumtulous
the emotions that rise and fall with the
weather, has left me in a bit of a numb state.

which may be why i havent eaten often...
prawn and mayonnaise sandwhich before the
train ride to manchester from london. and
then again the next day from manchester to
blackburn.

i have been facilitating workshops for adult men
in rehab centers and literary aficionados - both
separate classes, i assure you. and its torn at me
a bit. both workshops touched a part of me that i have
been hiding for awhile. the rehab center talked to the
shadows still hiding my pain from my estranged relationship
with my mother. and the womenswriting group has attached
itself to my inner demons, allowing me to be honest
about my hang ups with self and those women like me...
all groundbreaking stuff - and tough to look at if you
dont know what you are looking for, ya know?

i miss home though. french toast and lil' girl smiles.
his music blasting and my bed. big and comfy. but i know
this is happening for many reasons. there is a part of me
that needed reawakening. it wasnt being stimulated. and now
with these adult workshops - i have found a bit of self in
each person i talk to... and it's not that i am better or
even more experienced than the people i have come into contact
with -- but i am alive.

i am breathing. and being. and hopeful. i am present.
it is a wonderful feeling.

and scary. but only if you arent ready for whats next in
the unknown. and that's only fearful to me -- sometimes.