who wouldve thought... just 2 days before my vacation -- drama pops off! all family
or after this weekend, this disowned family DRAMA. who knows. too busy trying to keep my head above water mannn... i'll just call these growing cramps. and keep it moving...
shake off the bad vibes -- got bigger demons to conquer. back in london in february. recording for BBC's new spokenword project. im real excited about that. anxious, even... i actually put my new year's schedule here -- come chill wit me if i'm in ya area!
almost new year
loveumo
january
5 - flypoet showcase, LA California
26 - Poets as Muse, Denver Colorado
27 - theatre showcase, Denver CO
28 - Cafe Nuba, Denver Colorado
february
9 - 10 Seattle, Washington
11 - Portland, OR
13 - PUNANY REVIVAL: featuring original cast members from the punany poets & much more! Bloomfield, NJ
Thursday, December 30, 2004
Wednesday, December 29, 2004
nasty memories - share your experience
i was talking to my girl here in oakland yesterday. we once were inseperable -- she covered my tracks and i had her back! we were reminiscing about how we started performing poetry and how the structure of the sex troupe we once pledged our allegiance, became corrupt to the core.
it was a sad moment. in hindsight, i probably gave a little too much of myself. i don't think i understood the possibility of someone, especially a woman, taking advantage of me. but it happened. as young and aspiring poets, we were used for our hunger, our inexperience and our need to be "down" and once we became bigger than one could handle - we were subjected to criticism and scrutiny in hopes to break our stride at becoming our OWN person in the world of poetry.
its funny, it just like high school. one would think the gossiping and the lying would've stopped at age 17... that was just a test drive course for the real world.
so now. i sit a twenty-something single mom with even older women stratching at my soul for some redemption. its kind of sad. and unforunately, i still have ill feelings towards that woman. i know her present situation was created on the back and sweat of young and naive poets like myself. i was lucky, however, because i was able to walk about with my self-respect and begin the process as an artist on my own accord. she however, has continued to leach off of the strong people around her in hopes of feeling something better in life.
me and my girl shook our head in silence. we wished we could save the people she has dug her claws into, but it's an act that one will have to figure out for themselves. its like talking your friend out of staying with an abusive lover. they sometimes have to hit rock bottom, before they see the danger in them staying.
i love women. women like Bea, and Femi and Christa Bell and Piece and Jaha Zainaibu and Thea Monet and Bridget Grey and Queen Sheba and Amanda Diva and Sydnee Stewart and just women with the strength to act against the idea of women rivalry. somehow we believe feminisim and womanism to be nasty. ugly -- to close to lesbianism. ive talked to my childhood friends and their ideas of being friends with another woman is as likely as them cutting off their nipple. its too painful to even suggest. life has taught them women can't be trusted. look at the books; gold diggers and bestfriends who sleep with our boyfriends. look at the music videos; pick one. just look. there are very few positive images for women to view. so we find our reflection in women who are ashamed of their size, their skin color, their education; themselves. so when you meet a woman who may not have these hang ups -- it's like a slap in the face.
jaha, christa, piece, amanda, sydnee, thea and bridget provided a sense of sisterhood when our surroundings told them there was nothing to gain in bridging an alliance with another woman! some took me into their home, watched my child, acted as a sound board and kept me sane! all of us were pitted against each other at one time or another but we saw thru that shyt. its so funny, how society (both men and women) have been conditioned to think that women are NOT suppossed to get along. and sometimes, it's easy to believe.
i mean, when have you witnessed two women in a group of men "getting along?" singing groups and rap groups included! we have declared our own selfs as the enemy.
i think that's why i allowed the parasite-like-woman in my life. if she had been a man, i would've cut her off as soon as she pulled that egotistical shyt. but because she was a woman, i knew she had my best interests at heart. i was wrong.
that experience put me on a diet --warning me to stay away from sugar, carbs and women. but as i've grown, i've realized there are some strings pulled in the background that make women act like this to each other. in hindsight, the woman aka "parasite" treated us like "nothing" not only because we allowed her the opportunity, but because she saw greatness in our reflections. she was not ready to see herself along with strong women as equals, so she put us down in attempts to keep us as followers.
most women, can't allow another beautiful, strong and intelligent women in their space (cipher, crew, group, posse - ya get me) without feeling like her worth is being diminished or overshadowed. intimidation breeds envy, hate and self-degradation.
one might think that slavery is like sexism. you condition a people for so long be it with force, verbally or through images (ie., music videos) and it can become detrimental to their existence and mental health. it seems different enough -- but the long lasting effect is just as painful.
it was a sad moment. in hindsight, i probably gave a little too much of myself. i don't think i understood the possibility of someone, especially a woman, taking advantage of me. but it happened. as young and aspiring poets, we were used for our hunger, our inexperience and our need to be "down" and once we became bigger than one could handle - we were subjected to criticism and scrutiny in hopes to break our stride at becoming our OWN person in the world of poetry.
its funny, it just like high school. one would think the gossiping and the lying would've stopped at age 17... that was just a test drive course for the real world.
so now. i sit a twenty-something single mom with even older women stratching at my soul for some redemption. its kind of sad. and unforunately, i still have ill feelings towards that woman. i know her present situation was created on the back and sweat of young and naive poets like myself. i was lucky, however, because i was able to walk about with my self-respect and begin the process as an artist on my own accord. she however, has continued to leach off of the strong people around her in hopes of feeling something better in life.
me and my girl shook our head in silence. we wished we could save the people she has dug her claws into, but it's an act that one will have to figure out for themselves. its like talking your friend out of staying with an abusive lover. they sometimes have to hit rock bottom, before they see the danger in them staying.
i love women. women like Bea, and Femi and Christa Bell and Piece and Jaha Zainaibu and Thea Monet and Bridget Grey and Queen Sheba and Amanda Diva and Sydnee Stewart and just women with the strength to act against the idea of women rivalry. somehow we believe feminisim and womanism to be nasty. ugly -- to close to lesbianism. ive talked to my childhood friends and their ideas of being friends with another woman is as likely as them cutting off their nipple. its too painful to even suggest. life has taught them women can't be trusted. look at the books; gold diggers and bestfriends who sleep with our boyfriends. look at the music videos; pick one. just look. there are very few positive images for women to view. so we find our reflection in women who are ashamed of their size, their skin color, their education; themselves. so when you meet a woman who may not have these hang ups -- it's like a slap in the face.
jaha, christa, piece, amanda, sydnee, thea and bridget provided a sense of sisterhood when our surroundings told them there was nothing to gain in bridging an alliance with another woman! some took me into their home, watched my child, acted as a sound board and kept me sane! all of us were pitted against each other at one time or another but we saw thru that shyt. its so funny, how society (both men and women) have been conditioned to think that women are NOT suppossed to get along. and sometimes, it's easy to believe.
i mean, when have you witnessed two women in a group of men "getting along?" singing groups and rap groups included! we have declared our own selfs as the enemy.
i think that's why i allowed the parasite-like-woman in my life. if she had been a man, i would've cut her off as soon as she pulled that egotistical shyt. but because she was a woman, i knew she had my best interests at heart. i was wrong.
that experience put me on a diet --warning me to stay away from sugar, carbs and women. but as i've grown, i've realized there are some strings pulled in the background that make women act like this to each other. in hindsight, the woman aka "parasite" treated us like "nothing" not only because we allowed her the opportunity, but because she saw greatness in our reflections. she was not ready to see herself along with strong women as equals, so she put us down in attempts to keep us as followers.
most women, can't allow another beautiful, strong and intelligent women in their space (cipher, crew, group, posse - ya get me) without feeling like her worth is being diminished or overshadowed. intimidation breeds envy, hate and self-degradation.
one might think that slavery is like sexism. you condition a people for so long be it with force, verbally or through images (ie., music videos) and it can become detrimental to their existence and mental health. it seems different enough -- but the long lasting effect is just as painful.
Monday, December 27, 2004
the L word
i love the L word with jennifer beal (flashdance) and pam grier (cleopatra jones, foxy brown, the blaxplotation QUEEN). i watched the entire series in one evening (my cousin had the dvd set). it was sooo funny! i can't wait to have my screenplay turned into a film or series! it was so good. i caught myself yelling at the tv!
the funniest thing was the relationships -- they are just like regular couples (for those who ever questioned it) -- i just couldn't get with all the hand play... guess that's why im so man-hungry! remember that song maneater? lol that's definitely me. but otherwise, that show is HOT. i love everything about the damn thing and am considering purchasing the dvd so i can laugh all over again! lol
amari is singing on her new karoake machine! its hilarious! alot of usher, britney spears and oh yeah, elvis!?
gonna go finish working. got a lil' held back... whatcha doing for new years? i will be soaking up sand and man... ;)
i guess, im gonna keep bantering about that damn vacation til i finally have the swimsuit on, huh? just bear with me, would'ja?
the funniest thing was the relationships -- they are just like regular couples (for those who ever questioned it) -- i just couldn't get with all the hand play... guess that's why im so man-hungry! remember that song maneater? lol that's definitely me. but otherwise, that show is HOT. i love everything about the damn thing and am considering purchasing the dvd so i can laugh all over again! lol
amari is singing on her new karoake machine! its hilarious! alot of usher, britney spears and oh yeah, elvis!?
gonna go finish working. got a lil' held back... whatcha doing for new years? i will be soaking up sand and man... ;)
i guess, im gonna keep bantering about that damn vacation til i finally have the swimsuit on, huh? just bear with me, would'ja?
wonderment (WIP:work in progress)
ive wondered
when the smells
and the sounds arose
how we felt like the morning after
was just the morning before
it ever occurred
its amazing
the tenderness spilled
over like milk
and it stains me
with reoccurence of a wet dream
like
lull
i imagine
in red and vibrant colors
spinning sun like silver
metalltic measurements of heartbeats
he clicks to me
military style
two nods above water level
we are drowning in each other
semi-circular motions
rise
fall
and explosion
this can not be safe
or fair
there is too much sweetness
rendering movements
and will
i wonder what we look like
watching our silhouttes
goosebumps rise as we enter
barely an eclipse
this can't be sane
he makes me want to slit my wrists
and check my veins for the serum
anti-nemesis to my sanity
i believe this is what happens when
the intake of something so good
occurs in abundance
safety clips
cocked back
back pops
i swear
this makes the most sense
since we slept together for the first time
even then, we were unnerved
as we lay
murdock breathing our theme music
and it made me see all that she fell in love with
last eve
when the smells
and the sounds arose
how we felt like the morning after
was just the morning before
it ever occurred
its amazing
the tenderness spilled
over like milk
and it stains me
with reoccurence of a wet dream
like
lull
i imagine
in red and vibrant colors
spinning sun like silver
metalltic measurements of heartbeats
he clicks to me
military style
two nods above water level
we are drowning in each other
semi-circular motions
rise
fall
and explosion
this can not be safe
or fair
there is too much sweetness
rendering movements
and will
i wonder what we look like
watching our silhouttes
goosebumps rise as we enter
barely an eclipse
this can't be sane
he makes me want to slit my wrists
and check my veins for the serum
anti-nemesis to my sanity
i believe this is what happens when
the intake of something so good
occurs in abundance
safety clips
cocked back
back pops
i swear
this makes the most sense
since we slept together for the first time
even then, we were unnerved
as we lay
murdock breathing our theme music
and it made me see all that she fell in love with
last eve
ummm -- unkept excerpt...tell me whatcha think!
today is a bit wierd
family is cool. sorta
amari is great. life is ok. in oakland still.
maybe that's why i feel so unstable
dont know
looking forward to that beach
and the lobster dinners! smile///
been thinking about getting past the hate. it really consumes me. the anger, the disappointment. it seems i can't get past anything lately. still upset with my first "love", brother, mother and father. now people in poetry, females and dudes with bad character, promoters, etc. its kinda heavy, ya know? someone told me once "no one owes you anything". if that's the case -- why do i feel like i owe everyone? been working on unKePt and "destroy" at the same time... check out an excerpt from unKePt
shaken.
i try to think of how i was back then. was i, a woman of questionable intent? did i have hidden agendas? was i everything that i despise, now? i don't remember it being that way -- but i do remember the slew of married men. they always seemed to find an interest in me. the first one -- i found out he was married to a friend of a friend. that sealed the deal and my infatuation with him! ok. we kissed, once. and i sang to him in public. as seductive as my twenty-year-
old hips managed to sway in unison with the rhythm. but that's where it ended. right after that stunt, i threw up all the liquor and any ideas of him and i.
the second -- found out he was married upfront. ye,t he always found time to bring me a cup of cocoa to my office and we just talked about life, about music and i knew he liked me. i liked his company and the attention but refused to let he progress any further. our morning meetings were fun, until his wife learned about this, called me, stalked me to a nightclub and watched me like a hawk. i sang to him that night. not because i wanted him that bad -- because i wanted her that mad. she left in a huff. i laughed back to my seat, decided to leave even married men friends alone.
the third one -- actually took me on a date. he was a great kisser. i heard he had a girlfriend after the second date and asked him casually on our third date. after the ice cream sundaes and the make out session on the boardwalk. he sighed, said he had been married for a year. he wasn't happy and hoped this didn't mess up our friendship. i told him "this" was no longer a friendship! made him drop me off. deleted his number from speed dial. and ran up the stairs to my 3rd story studio. watched the skyline after he peeled off. thought i did my duty, as a woman. knew the karma would love me favorably in return. and now.
here i am. watching the clock and waiting for him to come home from her arms. they think i don't know. he pretends they are friends. and so does she. i can smell the truth. i think she has an idea. that's why i attached the spyware to his computer hard drive. started reading their emails back and forth to each other. the things they say to each other. i cried the first time i read it. reread it for hours. he was out of town, on some photo shoot with the label. returned home two days later and made love to me like he missed me for an eternity. told me he wanted to marry me. i accepted. pushed aside the emails and decided -- he can't bear to lose me. thought she was just a faze. but then, two weeks ago. it got distant between us. he sleeps on the edge of the bed, if he sleeps. no more spoon facing each other. he doesn't massage my neck or rub my thighs when watching tv. we don't even sit in the same room anymore. so i decided to check the emails again. there were so many emails since we've been engaged. him telling her he loves her. her begging him to leave me. him telling her he misses her. her begging him to come take care of their child. i've been numb ever since. and he wonders why i won't let him touch me.
family is cool. sorta
amari is great. life is ok. in oakland still.
maybe that's why i feel so unstable
dont know
looking forward to that beach
and the lobster dinners! smile///
been thinking about getting past the hate. it really consumes me. the anger, the disappointment. it seems i can't get past anything lately. still upset with my first "love", brother, mother and father. now people in poetry, females and dudes with bad character, promoters, etc. its kinda heavy, ya know? someone told me once "no one owes you anything". if that's the case -- why do i feel like i owe everyone? been working on unKePt and "destroy" at the same time... check out an excerpt from unKePt
shaken.
i try to think of how i was back then. was i, a woman of questionable intent? did i have hidden agendas? was i everything that i despise, now? i don't remember it being that way -- but i do remember the slew of married men. they always seemed to find an interest in me. the first one -- i found out he was married to a friend of a friend. that sealed the deal and my infatuation with him! ok. we kissed, once. and i sang to him in public. as seductive as my twenty-year-
old hips managed to sway in unison with the rhythm. but that's where it ended. right after that stunt, i threw up all the liquor and any ideas of him and i.
the second -- found out he was married upfront. ye,t he always found time to bring me a cup of cocoa to my office and we just talked about life, about music and i knew he liked me. i liked his company and the attention but refused to let he progress any further. our morning meetings were fun, until his wife learned about this, called me, stalked me to a nightclub and watched me like a hawk. i sang to him that night. not because i wanted him that bad -- because i wanted her that mad. she left in a huff. i laughed back to my seat, decided to leave even married men friends alone.
the third one -- actually took me on a date. he was a great kisser. i heard he had a girlfriend after the second date and asked him casually on our third date. after the ice cream sundaes and the make out session on the boardwalk. he sighed, said he had been married for a year. he wasn't happy and hoped this didn't mess up our friendship. i told him "this" was no longer a friendship! made him drop me off. deleted his number from speed dial. and ran up the stairs to my 3rd story studio. watched the skyline after he peeled off. thought i did my duty, as a woman. knew the karma would love me favorably in return. and now.
here i am. watching the clock and waiting for him to come home from her arms. they think i don't know. he pretends they are friends. and so does she. i can smell the truth. i think she has an idea. that's why i attached the spyware to his computer hard drive. started reading their emails back and forth to each other. the things they say to each other. i cried the first time i read it. reread it for hours. he was out of town, on some photo shoot with the label. returned home two days later and made love to me like he missed me for an eternity. told me he wanted to marry me. i accepted. pushed aside the emails and decided -- he can't bear to lose me. thought she was just a faze. but then, two weeks ago. it got distant between us. he sleeps on the edge of the bed, if he sleeps. no more spoon facing each other. he doesn't massage my neck or rub my thighs when watching tv. we don't even sit in the same room anymore. so i decided to check the emails again. there were so many emails since we've been engaged. him telling her he loves her. her begging him to leave me. him telling her he misses her. her begging him to come take care of their child. i've been numb ever since. and he wonders why i won't let him touch me.
Saturday, December 25, 2004
happy chrisMAhannahKWANZAAkah
whatever you celebrate, celebrate it safely
enjoy your time together
and all that jazz...
enjoy your time together
and all that jazz...
Tuesday, December 21, 2004
this so called life
back in oakland
drove for 2 and a half hours to get to the raleigh airport to fly to 3 different states (damn southwest) before i finally got here. but im here! went straight to it's all good, a banging bakery in the bay, and picked up a peach cobbler (fresh outta the oven) then went to emma's and got a catfish dinner (cmon, you know i can grub)... feelin much heavier. no doubt because of the family issues that plague many dysfunctional groups - im sure.
my favorite uncle got outta jail on sunday, great to hear his voice. my aunt and i finally got to talk after some long months. and i've been watching myself watching my younger cousin (14) rub her swollen belly holding a 7month old fetus... feels wierd. all of this. i work with young girls like her. sometimes i feel like i messed up. worried about the world of flowers instead of my own garden! then i get a call from urban word. doing two more workshops for them! women in hip hop: a writers group & performance poetry...
think i can give this global takeover thing another try? gotta go look at the enormous stomach and try no to let her see me cry.
drove for 2 and a half hours to get to the raleigh airport to fly to 3 different states (damn southwest) before i finally got here. but im here! went straight to it's all good, a banging bakery in the bay, and picked up a peach cobbler (fresh outta the oven) then went to emma's and got a catfish dinner (cmon, you know i can grub)... feelin much heavier. no doubt because of the family issues that plague many dysfunctional groups - im sure.
my favorite uncle got outta jail on sunday, great to hear his voice. my aunt and i finally got to talk after some long months. and i've been watching myself watching my younger cousin (14) rub her swollen belly holding a 7month old fetus... feels wierd. all of this. i work with young girls like her. sometimes i feel like i messed up. worried about the world of flowers instead of my own garden! then i get a call from urban word. doing two more workshops for them! women in hip hop: a writers group & performance poetry...
think i can give this global takeover thing another try? gotta go look at the enormous stomach and try no to let her see me cry.
Monday, December 20, 2004
all in a day's work...
sat -- had a show in Mass with my people's DMOSS of poetryjoint. he's one of those dope promoters who actually care about the poet and the poetry... not the politics! real gangsta! it was a packed house -- however, that piece was almost 3 hours away! arrrghh - my right foot is still numb (and left, i rock's the stick shift, ya heard!)... but cool. incredibly packed house (love it) incredible features lined up like a singer who has the most stage presence i've seen on the scene DQuest and Jive rocked (as usual) and CONCIOUS who i totally missed (ain't seen him in like a year) ripped it! he's soooo nice, another one of those cats you just gotta keep around you for your sanity's sake! real dope dude and his poetry has grown like amari! inspiring! so we had a beautiful show (very long! more features than needed) and Hesh and his band made it very hard to keep still (we did out funny valentine collabo -- hesh is a monster wit that mic!)... there were alot of singers (1 dude rocked atleast a 1/2 hour set! -- but he was a dope ballader). unfortunately, a lot of egos got in the way of a kool show and Dmoss had to deal with that... sour way to end the nite, but the memories weren't lost! as usual, D had an incredible show for the audience and an incredible audience for the poets and NO ONE can hate on that!
Sun - got back to brooklyn at 4am. slept for 3 hours. left and picked up amari from ms. sybil's then we jumped on the turnpike and started a 10 hour trip to North Carolina... had a show in raleigh. very tired. even now, thinking about the road got me fatigued. after 8 long hours -- Jive and his impeccable navigational skills got me to pull over and catch a 1hr and a half nap. lovely! pulled into raleigh around 6pm - nice! just in time to change outta my driving slippers (holla) and get amari situated in the VIP lounge (all disney all day!)... unfortunately, the rain wasn't very nice to us and the crowd attendance was lackluster, to say at best, but we had an all right time. i got busy with the bbq meatballs ( u ain't know?) and finished off my set with single muva... very hard to do after 10 hours of driving, i say! no wonder they didn't get half of my jokes, i started the beginning and or end in my head! the crowd was only privy to the memorized work -- anything else sounded like "whaaaa whaaa whaaaa whaaa"!
great participation. great sales. can't be mad. the promoter, lorenzo, even brought his beautfiul daughter, lauren, to play with amari... now that's southern hospitality! he's a good dude... and his appreciation for the art is always refreshing. but no more sucking up to the great promoters of the circuit (its just soooo few and far between that you gotta acknowledge this!). got back in the hooptie rolled out (with the expertise of Jive of course) and made it in another 2 and a half hours to charlotte. fell asleep around 3am... couldn't remember my name by then. cali tomorow -- taking a flight! thank gawd
whatchu do for the weekend?
Sun - got back to brooklyn at 4am. slept for 3 hours. left and picked up amari from ms. sybil's then we jumped on the turnpike and started a 10 hour trip to North Carolina... had a show in raleigh. very tired. even now, thinking about the road got me fatigued. after 8 long hours -- Jive and his impeccable navigational skills got me to pull over and catch a 1hr and a half nap. lovely! pulled into raleigh around 6pm - nice! just in time to change outta my driving slippers (holla) and get amari situated in the VIP lounge (all disney all day!)... unfortunately, the rain wasn't very nice to us and the crowd attendance was lackluster, to say at best, but we had an all right time. i got busy with the bbq meatballs ( u ain't know?) and finished off my set with single muva... very hard to do after 10 hours of driving, i say! no wonder they didn't get half of my jokes, i started the beginning and or end in my head! the crowd was only privy to the memorized work -- anything else sounded like "whaaaa whaaa whaaaa whaaa"!
great participation. great sales. can't be mad. the promoter, lorenzo, even brought his beautfiul daughter, lauren, to play with amari... now that's southern hospitality! he's a good dude... and his appreciation for the art is always refreshing. but no more sucking up to the great promoters of the circuit (its just soooo few and far between that you gotta acknowledge this!). got back in the hooptie rolled out (with the expertise of Jive of course) and made it in another 2 and a half hours to charlotte. fell asleep around 3am... couldn't remember my name by then. cali tomorow -- taking a flight! thank gawd
whatchu do for the weekend?
Friday, December 17, 2004
lorenzo's dare
lorenzo said: how about this for a twist.. have you ever had a parnter that made you talk then took you to a point to where you were speechless?
my reply
SPEECH:less
absolute
tongue numb
body filled with electrical currents
i can't stop moving
knee jerks
smirks by will
it feels so good
how he moves me
like lyrics to my favorite song
where humming provides me the leisure
of making a sound
that i can control
my reply
SPEECH:less
absolute
tongue numb
body filled with electrical currents
i can't stop moving
knee jerks
smirks by will
it feels so good
how he moves me
like lyrics to my favorite song
where humming provides me the leisure
of making a sound
that i can control
too early
amari has been throwing up since 5am... no sleep til brookyn and even then -- it's questionable...
no fever, so it's probably something she ate. she's such a dramature... holding her head and questioning "why"...dont think she is going to school. which means, no christmas party... gotta figure some stuff out. back in 2 and 2 *remember love connection??*
no fever, so it's probably something she ate. she's such a dramature... holding her head and questioning "why"...dont think she is going to school. which means, no christmas party... gotta figure some stuff out. back in 2 and 2 *remember love connection??*
Thursday, December 16, 2004
a mother's vow
A mother's vow
You were before this time/I could tell
By the way you kicked my right side/belly
Swollen/full of love
And you/made visions of wisdom/
You keep me focused/I smile/
Too big to be angry/not as sick these days/
You see/I realized you didn’t like popcorn/
But the smell of fresh fruit/ripened/
And sweet/to taste/
I wait for your arrival/belly low now/
Daddy gone now/but life goes on/now
I promise/you will see life/
Through rose colored lenses/even
If I have to give my own eyes/for you/To view the world
You were before this time/I could tell
By the way you kicked my right side/belly
Swollen/full of love
And you/made visions of wisdom/
You keep me focused/I smile/
Too big to be angry/not as sick these days/
You see/I realized you didn’t like popcorn/
But the smell of fresh fruit/ripened/
And sweet/to taste/
I wait for your arrival/belly low now/
Daddy gone now/but life goes on/now
I promise/you will see life/
Through rose colored lenses/even
If I have to give my own eyes/for you/To view the world
***slam bush*** a competition specifically designed for those who dislike bush... write one yourself, see what happens!
Florida trees hang strange fruit
Humming a political hymn as George W. Bush
Treats America like Billie Holiday
Leaving her broke
Strung out
And near dead by the time you hear this poem
And in the land of the deadly and unjust
A young man from suburbia
With bright eyes and dull ideas wonders how the ghetto taste
I say it taste like smoke bombs in Brooklyn
Heat bombs in Bagdad
Suicide bombers in Israel
Roach bombs covering the concrete floors of any concrete jungle
its 2004 and
the war has yet to stop in the 5 boroughs of NYC
the blacktops of South Central still harbor gang wars from spilling over into Hollywood’s lights
its where the projects of Louisiana house desperation
and you can smell it all the way to Houston and Dallas
and yes
Bush is still rich
And so is his daddy
So why do I still know single mother’s who can’t afford a pap smear
Can’t pay the utility bills with her tears
Why do I watch father’s lose their hopes in the fold of the industrial prison complex
Lose their manhood on primetime slots during Cops
So just call me the kettle – better yet call me Black
Cause I’ve been Black and WOMAN and unpatriotic since the auction block
Not American enough since Hottentot Venus stood full frontal
Behind glass casing
Unabashedly beautiful
Stripped of her clothes but never her dignity
Never considered American enough to rescue from
Purgatory
Like Nick Berg
His insides poured out and the only things his country could offer
His memory
Is the most internet downloads in history
So when my 6 year old asks why people hate Bush
I reply simply
People don’t hate BushThey just hate stupidity
Humming a political hymn as George W. Bush
Treats America like Billie Holiday
Leaving her broke
Strung out
And near dead by the time you hear this poem
And in the land of the deadly and unjust
A young man from suburbia
With bright eyes and dull ideas wonders how the ghetto taste
I say it taste like smoke bombs in Brooklyn
Heat bombs in Bagdad
Suicide bombers in Israel
Roach bombs covering the concrete floors of any concrete jungle
its 2004 and
the war has yet to stop in the 5 boroughs of NYC
the blacktops of South Central still harbor gang wars from spilling over into Hollywood’s lights
its where the projects of Louisiana house desperation
and you can smell it all the way to Houston and Dallas
and yes
Bush is still rich
And so is his daddy
So why do I still know single mother’s who can’t afford a pap smear
Can’t pay the utility bills with her tears
Why do I watch father’s lose their hopes in the fold of the industrial prison complex
Lose their manhood on primetime slots during Cops
So just call me the kettle – better yet call me Black
Cause I’ve been Black and WOMAN and unpatriotic since the auction block
Not American enough since Hottentot Venus stood full frontal
Behind glass casing
Unabashedly beautiful
Stripped of her clothes but never her dignity
Never considered American enough to rescue from
Purgatory
Like Nick Berg
His insides poured out and the only things his country could offer
His memory
Is the most internet downloads in history
So when my 6 year old asks why people hate Bush
I reply simply
People don’t hate BushThey just hate stupidity
limitless (cause abena said so)
the idea of this poem came from my slam team member, abena... she is so dope -- i love her! singing like she wanna get a record deal n shyt! anyway, it's been revamped quite a bit -- tell me whatcha think!
there are more ways to dance over the dead
than there is to pray
I’ve watched grey skies permeate
my daymares into reality
slow winds play noose strings
like violins
and the sky remains as beautiful
as the day they hung from incense cedar
branches too small lay piled at there feet
suspended above air
and screams ran thin
nothing pierced the sky like their cries
and I have never blamed the sun
or even the trees
there are dreams made under their bend
fallen leaves taste like freedom
like sweet peppers, mufongo and gumbo with okra
sensations awakening like our right to be here
where time is lost in their shadows
I swim deliriously beneath their shade
spirits entangling my laughter with arms
as wide as their restraints allowed them
while I bask under the sun
it kisses my brown edges
the wind whispers and their remains are scattered like dust
dancing with my curves in a movement of free will
embers of burned bones buried beneath the surface
rise every full moon
just to smell the revolution
it be like black smoke
thick
and real
and forever
hands outreached purposeful
then dismembered
now smiles sit on their faces
the sky touches their fingertips
as they paint masterpieces
construct the perfect song
and build theories still unknown to man
here, nothing binds them to the trees
and the sky
has never looked so beautiful
there are more ways to dance over the dead
than there is to pray
I’ve watched grey skies permeate
my daymares into reality
slow winds play noose strings
like violins
and the sky remains as beautiful
as the day they hung from incense cedar
branches too small lay piled at there feet
suspended above air
and screams ran thin
nothing pierced the sky like their cries
and I have never blamed the sun
or even the trees
there are dreams made under their bend
fallen leaves taste like freedom
like sweet peppers, mufongo and gumbo with okra
sensations awakening like our right to be here
where time is lost in their shadows
I swim deliriously beneath their shade
spirits entangling my laughter with arms
as wide as their restraints allowed them
while I bask under the sun
it kisses my brown edges
the wind whispers and their remains are scattered like dust
dancing with my curves in a movement of free will
embers of burned bones buried beneath the surface
rise every full moon
just to smell the revolution
it be like black smoke
thick
and real
and forever
hands outreached purposeful
then dismembered
now smiles sit on their faces
the sky touches their fingertips
as they paint masterpieces
construct the perfect song
and build theories still unknown to man
here, nothing binds them to the trees
and the sky
has never looked so beautiful
Wednesday, December 15, 2004
easy breezy wednesday
slept til 1pm...that's after i took amari to school @ 730am...its freezing in nyc. he kept me warm. not a lot of inspiration outside of everday life - though i am open off of this UK artist "The Streets"... i love his album a grand dont come for free. he's on some drum n bass-spokenword-ish... very hot! besides that -- this season keeps me in a "blah" mood... not much writing more brainstorming and skeletal structuring of ideas and concepts... i received the most beautifullest emails from my girls at the urban word workshops -- they made me feel like i really make a difference. i think every artist needs that moment of realization in their life...a moment where all this bullshyt just makes sense! cause honestly, as an artist -- it's a rarity that anything makes sense!
how'd jay z say "this moment of clarity"...
ive been having quite a few of those moments... you know how you feel when someone lies to you and then the truth comes out. you start sitting around and calculating shyt in your head! like ooo, that meant this really. and this meant that. and now -- that makes sense! i've been dealing with that alot! but i can't let it stress me... just started putting pen to pad and fingertips to keyboard on my new novel... unKept
also, much love to roger for all the edits for my newest book of thoughts: destroy, rebuild and other reconstructions of the human muscle -- that will actually be available february 2005... how's that for progress? lol got a new article coming out in KING mag, jan 2005 -- check dat out! all about mike cirelli and his creative invention Hip Hop Poetry & The Classics for the Classroom, a manual for teachers outta touch with the hiphop culture and their students.
but enough about me & my life -- what's going on with you? any new music i should check out? books? websites?
loveumo
how'd jay z say "this moment of clarity"...
ive been having quite a few of those moments... you know how you feel when someone lies to you and then the truth comes out. you start sitting around and calculating shyt in your head! like ooo, that meant this really. and this meant that. and now -- that makes sense! i've been dealing with that alot! but i can't let it stress me... just started putting pen to pad and fingertips to keyboard on my new novel... unKept
also, much love to roger for all the edits for my newest book of thoughts: destroy, rebuild and other reconstructions of the human muscle -- that will actually be available february 2005... how's that for progress? lol got a new article coming out in KING mag, jan 2005 -- check dat out! all about mike cirelli and his creative invention Hip Hop Poetry & The Classics for the Classroom, a manual for teachers outta touch with the hiphop culture and their students.
but enough about me & my life -- what's going on with you? any new music i should check out? books? websites?
loveumo
my first published book of poems & essays: THIN SKIN -- available now! First 50 Orders FREE SHIPPING! Just in time for Christmas/Hannukah & Kwaanza
THIN SKIN IS NOW AVAILABLE FOR PURCHASE (just $13 clams!)
Mahogany L. Browne, a freelance journalist for several international publications including King, The Source, Honey, & XXL returns from her 3rd European tour. This poet, who made her poetic debut with the safe sex troupe Punany Poets on HBO's Real Sex 24 & 26 currently focuses on our youth, teaching young women offenders, teenage pregnant girls, young fathers and disadvantaged to find their voice through creative writing.
|
buy the book & cds HERE |
Check out Mahogany L. Browne on Music Choice! Her third album Black Secret Soul has been added to the SpokenWord Station featuring production by DJ Static, DJ Doughboy & more! buy the book & cds HERE |
|
buy the book & cds HERE |
Interested in learning how to write poetry or monologues? Want to explore the world of performance poetry? Join my workshops for youth and adults. I have facilitated writing and performance workshops for the District Attorney of Brooklyn, Non-Profits throughout the Tri-State area and overseas. If you are interested in offering workshops to a group or signing up as an individual, please request a cirriculum and rate sheet bookings@mobrowne.com buy the book & cds HERE |
|
buy the book & cds HERE |
Dec 19: Let Cha Soul Speak - Raleigh, NC January 5: FlyPoet Showcase - Los Angeles, CA January 15: When Sistas Speak - Toronto, Canada January 26 - 31 Denver, CO
|
Writer Educational Constultant Performer
mahogany's" official website & interactive blog
Tuesday, December 14, 2004
honest moments: a lesson plan for amari
we humans are forgetful
we know what pain is
but can't feel the sting when inflicting
it on others
reaching for someone
isn't easy
respecting their boundaries
isn't hard
doubt
stings like pepper
in eyes and tears on cheeks
won't drain this feeling
sometimes. i live with abandon
smell ammonia
burn nostrils
and feel out of touch
with myself
the hardest part of loving
is giving up the will
to protect your vulnerablities
don't believe in fairytales
or dragons
or princesses
just the beauty between two people
sharing dreams and making plans
we know what pain is
but can't feel the sting when inflicting
it on others
reaching for someone
isn't easy
respecting their boundaries
isn't hard
doubt
stings like pepper
in eyes and tears on cheeks
won't drain this feeling
sometimes. i live with abandon
smell ammonia
burn nostrils
and feel out of touch
with myself
the hardest part of loving
is giving up the will
to protect your vulnerablities
don't believe in fairytales
or dragons
or princesses
just the beauty between two people
sharing dreams and making plans
like the movies
i talk during sex
i admit it
i like my mind involved in the activity
leave the poetics behind
at that moment
its just raw
with words like
fuck
ohmigod
deeper
yes
and oooh!
never like romantic movies
sweet
sensual
and timid
we don't barely touch
we grip
and hold and bite for life
leave bruises for next morning's
discovery
it is better than sex scenes
in slow motion
silhouttes pressed with space slightly between the two
just slightly
kisses that look feverish
and practiced
don't leave a trail of saliva and desire
it's wet and sticky
and smells like sex
like funk
taste like now
ripe and ready
for explosion
pause
tease necklines
nipples
trail the naval downward
with tongue
moan
loudly
as fingers find their place in places
still wet
ragged movements
never like the movies
no soundtrack suggesting we climax
no ass slaps penetrate the movies
here
we are fitted into tight places
contorting pieces of us til everything touches
ankles and calves tightened
body weightless
a sweaty process
loud and sweaty and right
and right
and right
and we knew it after the 2nd climax
this is everything the silver screen can't embody
this
dark
love
so
perfect the pitch pounds walls
and the bed scratches floor boards
and the whispers turn to pleas
turn to screams turn to sighs
turn to silence
turn to smiles turn to kissing
turn to touching
pulling and holding and loving again
they never show you these lines
crossed
the complete anarchy of one's limbs
or the smirks received when passing
knowing neighbors
i admit it
i like my mind involved in the activity
leave the poetics behind
at that moment
its just raw
with words like
fuck
ohmigod
deeper
yes
and oooh!
never like romantic movies
sweet
sensual
and timid
we don't barely touch
we grip
and hold and bite for life
leave bruises for next morning's
discovery
it is better than sex scenes
in slow motion
silhouttes pressed with space slightly between the two
just slightly
kisses that look feverish
and practiced
don't leave a trail of saliva and desire
it's wet and sticky
and smells like sex
like funk
taste like now
ripe and ready
for explosion
pause
tease necklines
nipples
trail the naval downward
with tongue
moan
loudly
as fingers find their place in places
still wet
ragged movements
never like the movies
no soundtrack suggesting we climax
no ass slaps penetrate the movies
here
we are fitted into tight places
contorting pieces of us til everything touches
ankles and calves tightened
body weightless
a sweaty process
loud and sweaty and right
and right
and right
and we knew it after the 2nd climax
this is everything the silver screen can't embody
this
dark
love
so
perfect the pitch pounds walls
and the bed scratches floor boards
and the whispers turn to pleas
turn to screams turn to sighs
turn to silence
turn to smiles turn to kissing
turn to touching
pulling and holding and loving again
they never show you these lines
crossed
the complete anarchy of one's limbs
or the smirks received when passing
knowing neighbors
do something with your free time...read dammit!
BOOK LIST
THIN SKIN - Mahogany L. Browne
Deals with the Devil & Other Reasons to Riot -- Pearl Cleage
Assata -- Assata Shakur
The Spook That Sat by The Door -- Sam Greenlee
Seeking Salamanca Mitchell -- Kenji Jasper
Doom Fox -- Iceberg Slim
Push -- Sapphire
A Taste of Power -- Elaine Brown
Who's Gonna Take the Weight? -- Kevin Powell
Malcolm X Autobiography
When Chickenheads Come Home to Roost -- Joan Morgan
Eyes Free -- Taalam Acey
A Hip Hop Story -- Heru Ptah
Quincy Jones BiographyMiles -- Autobiography
Spell on You -- Nina Simone Biography
Prisoner's Wife - Asha Bandele
Dakota Grand -- Kenji Jasper
The Autograph Man -- Zadie Smith
Daughter -- Asha Bandele
Makes Me Wanna Holler -- Nathan McCall
Mama's Girl -- Veronica Chambers
Your Blues Ain't Like Mine - Bebe Moore Campbell
Stupid White Men -- Michael Moore
A People's History of the USA -- Howard Zinn
Lies my Teacher Told Me -- David Loewan
The Black Handbook
Downsize This -- Michael Moore
DaVinci Code -- Dan Brown
Night Work -- Nelson George
Soul on Ice -- by Eldrige Cleaver
THIN SKIN - Mahogany L. Browne
Deals with the Devil & Other Reasons to Riot -- Pearl Cleage
Assata -- Assata Shakur
The Spook That Sat by The Door -- Sam Greenlee
Seeking Salamanca Mitchell -- Kenji Jasper
Doom Fox -- Iceberg Slim
Push -- Sapphire
A Taste of Power -- Elaine Brown
Who's Gonna Take the Weight? -- Kevin Powell
Malcolm X Autobiography
When Chickenheads Come Home to Roost -- Joan Morgan
Eyes Free -- Taalam Acey
A Hip Hop Story -- Heru Ptah
Quincy Jones BiographyMiles -- Autobiography
Spell on You -- Nina Simone Biography
Prisoner's Wife - Asha Bandele
Dakota Grand -- Kenji Jasper
The Autograph Man -- Zadie Smith
Daughter -- Asha Bandele
Makes Me Wanna Holler -- Nathan McCall
Mama's Girl -- Veronica Chambers
Your Blues Ain't Like Mine - Bebe Moore Campbell
Stupid White Men -- Michael Moore
A People's History of the USA -- Howard Zinn
Lies my Teacher Told Me -- David Loewan
The Black Handbook
Downsize This -- Michael Moore
DaVinci Code -- Dan Brown
Night Work -- Nelson George
Soul on Ice -- by Eldrige Cleaver
Monday, December 13, 2004
what, what, what
what's bubbling:
ideas -- working on a new novel...too much life happening around me for it to pass these concepts forming in my head...
book - Thin Skin is here! Buy ya copy NOW....great christmas present, everyone in my fam is getting one! lol
home - i organized my dvd collection, dusted and put together my bookcase from IKEA (who loves them like i do!!?)
amari - she had a sleepover. loved it. took her to chuck e cheese (indoor playground for kids) got real broke! but she loved it. and she's reading at 3rd grade level... i love her
him - gets on my nerves, stresses me out, keeps me guessing, tries to better himself & our lives, is always there, loves me back, loves me back, loves me.
vacation - so we are doing it. no work for atleast 3 days. a beach in puerta vallerta mexico is the plan. im so giddy it feels like i drank 2 pints of coffee... you don't get it -- there has been NO holiday for about 6 years. always working when i travel. even when i check out the natives -- its still work related... this is strictly us time!
album - static linked me up with some new tracks, as did karega. black secret soul is spinning on music choice right now (nationally syndicated cable music channel!) -- holla back if you love ASCAP
what else? i dunno... check back in a few, im sure i will pull something outta my ass... terrible analogy but you get me!
ideas -- working on a new novel...too much life happening around me for it to pass these concepts forming in my head...
book - Thin Skin is here! Buy ya copy NOW....great christmas present, everyone in my fam is getting one! lol
home - i organized my dvd collection, dusted and put together my bookcase from IKEA (who loves them like i do!!?)
amari - she had a sleepover. loved it. took her to chuck e cheese (indoor playground for kids) got real broke! but she loved it. and she's reading at 3rd grade level... i love her
him - gets on my nerves, stresses me out, keeps me guessing, tries to better himself & our lives, is always there, loves me back, loves me back, loves me.
vacation - so we are doing it. no work for atleast 3 days. a beach in puerta vallerta mexico is the plan. im so giddy it feels like i drank 2 pints of coffee... you don't get it -- there has been NO holiday for about 6 years. always working when i travel. even when i check out the natives -- its still work related... this is strictly us time!
album - static linked me up with some new tracks, as did karega. black secret soul is spinning on music choice right now (nationally syndicated cable music channel!) -- holla back if you love ASCAP
what else? i dunno... check back in a few, im sure i will pull something outta my ass... terrible analogy but you get me!
Saturday, December 11, 2004
last nite
went to end of the weak emcee battle
looking for a few good men to take on the uk
battle tour...
i missed that life
energetic
fast paced
long -- but still fufilling
and inspiring
no drama
few haters
but love nonetheless...
chilled out w/pen, bam & even dude from black sheep was there!
had a gang of fun!
i haven't felt like that in a minute!
going out tonite...party with more friends
remember why i'm here while amari has a sleepover w/piper...
poems...not today. life is happening. time to put the pen on pause and live like a normal person. cabin fever can be a bytch... what are you doing today?
looking for a few good men to take on the uk
battle tour...
i missed that life
energetic
fast paced
long -- but still fufilling
and inspiring
no drama
few haters
but love nonetheless...
chilled out w/pen, bam & even dude from black sheep was there!
had a gang of fun!
i haven't felt like that in a minute!
going out tonite...party with more friends
remember why i'm here while amari has a sleepover w/piper...
poems...not today. life is happening. time to put the pen on pause and live like a normal person. cabin fever can be a bytch... what are you doing today?
Friday, December 10, 2004
quotes and mo quotes
"a woman should never give away anything she can't afford to lose, this includes her heart" -- asha bandele
also, check out da "food for thought" comments (scroll down)... Vette definitely had some answers for dat ass!
also, check out da "food for thought" comments (scroll down)... Vette definitely had some answers for dat ass!
lucent's pain
i feel it
so did hilary
as did jackie onassis
it cuts deep
deeper than most might admit
it's because women like us
love
hard
and purposeful
i know how it feels
to feel pulse to lips
lips to lips
then nothing
no sweet tender touch
to remind us how life
got to be like molasses
we met in another lifetime
rolled our blankets in backpacks
and headed down the highway
looking for a place to exist
together
in silence
this is the beginning
this pain
feels neverending
for now
it will be just that
and then you will wake
see sun crowding your ceilings
smell bed sheets and breath
and dust mites
will linger by the neruda love poems collection
waiting for you to re visit them
as you dance
in the arms of a man
who's loved you
since you first spoke
and
as it was written
it will stand
like testaments and scriptures
of women with strength
pulsating through our veins
we are without consequence
willing to give our heart
offer it to the mantle
of sacrifice
for purity
and silence
and golden spaces
that fill our nostrils
climb in our mouths
and remain as a reminder
leaving no one
to assume
this love
as real
and raw as sugar
and slavery
it hurts like life born
and summonation of death
this love calls through the
air
riding soundwaves like
young'ns on dirt bikes
and it's grimy
this type of love
that taste like sweat
and heat
and it hurts the most when
subjected to scrutiny
its priceless
we know this
understand this
those unready won't get it
remember that
and just laugh
at the non-believers
like you know betta...
so did hilary
as did jackie onassis
it cuts deep
deeper than most might admit
it's because women like us
love
hard
and purposeful
i know how it feels
to feel pulse to lips
lips to lips
then nothing
no sweet tender touch
to remind us how life
got to be like molasses
we met in another lifetime
rolled our blankets in backpacks
and headed down the highway
looking for a place to exist
together
in silence
this is the beginning
this pain
feels neverending
for now
it will be just that
and then you will wake
see sun crowding your ceilings
smell bed sheets and breath
and dust mites
will linger by the neruda love poems collection
waiting for you to re visit them
as you dance
in the arms of a man
who's loved you
since you first spoke
and
as it was written
it will stand
like testaments and scriptures
of women with strength
pulsating through our veins
we are without consequence
willing to give our heart
offer it to the mantle
of sacrifice
for purity
and silence
and golden spaces
that fill our nostrils
climb in our mouths
and remain as a reminder
leaving no one
to assume
this love
as real
and raw as sugar
and slavery
it hurts like life born
and summonation of death
this love calls through the
air
riding soundwaves like
young'ns on dirt bikes
and it's grimy
this type of love
that taste like sweat
and heat
and it hurts the most when
subjected to scrutiny
its priceless
we know this
understand this
those unready won't get it
remember that
and just laugh
at the non-believers
like you know betta...
Thursday, December 09, 2004
i believe, dammit!
ok, this is why i love my web fam... ya'll stick with me while i stomp on my soap box and hit me on the email with the truth... look -- i still believe in love L. i am in love, deeply. life is always tumtulous but i am blessed. i know this. so no, i haven't given up on it. i still write about it -- but when you are fueled to "right the wrong" you gotta write that bytch! right?
(a poetic quickie, i'm sorry)
... anyway. enjoy the lighter side of life. enjoy your loved ones and as long as these cats don't piss me off -- i will continue to scribe for the love of it...
intimate...
We shared cold beers
And flirtatious eyes
“I could build a kingdom around your smile”
He gushes
This is why I’m afraid of male poets
Never sure if they are genuine
Or just working on new lines
He grins
Tips the beer by its neck
To full lips and teases me
I’m aware of this
Tension splitting between my shoulders
Sitting underneath my spine
And settling in my lap
Warmth
Tingles
And ideas intoxicate me faster than the
Heiniken
I act unmoved
Miserably
We flow into easier conversation
Family
Kids
Politics
“Single he asks?”
My lap heats up
Candles flicker knowingly
I ignore him
Licking froth away from colored glass
As if it were him
I touch shadows with tongue
To cheek
Finality
Our eyes meet
Our hands brush
No accident
He holds my fingers
Searching my palms for the answer
Locating the truth by swirling
His thick brown
Around my ring finger
My heart sighs the answer
He smiles
Electric waves floating
Past our ears
And eyes
And playing with body parts
Exposed
We sit
Still
As if nothing ever transpired
(a poetic quickie, i'm sorry)
... anyway. enjoy the lighter side of life. enjoy your loved ones and as long as these cats don't piss me off -- i will continue to scribe for the love of it...
intimate...
We shared cold beers
And flirtatious eyes
“I could build a kingdom around your smile”
He gushes
This is why I’m afraid of male poets
Never sure if they are genuine
Or just working on new lines
He grins
Tips the beer by its neck
To full lips and teases me
I’m aware of this
Tension splitting between my shoulders
Sitting underneath my spine
And settling in my lap
Warmth
Tingles
And ideas intoxicate me faster than the
Heiniken
I act unmoved
Miserably
We flow into easier conversation
Family
Kids
Politics
“Single he asks?”
My lap heats up
Candles flicker knowingly
I ignore him
Licking froth away from colored glass
As if it were him
I touch shadows with tongue
To cheek
Finality
Our eyes meet
Our hands brush
No accident
He holds my fingers
Searching my palms for the answer
Locating the truth by swirling
His thick brown
Around my ring finger
My heart sighs the answer
He smiles
Electric waves floating
Past our ears
And eyes
And playing with body parts
Exposed
We sit
Still
As if nothing ever transpired
oprah moment; no i really saw this on her show!
words to live by:
never chase a man that has already turned you down
never chase a man that has already turned you down
walk a mile...2 in 1
because its easier to judge, i followed lorenzo's lead... i've recently been in a situation where desperate women have become a nuisance. so i tried to write from the standpoint of a woman enthralled with another man... i've done this before, a long time ago and it's one of the most raunchiest pieces i've ever written (save black p*ssy)... anyhow -- here is kismet. i have also added the response to that -- for my people's who are mending broken hearts over similar situations... feel me on this one.
kismet
I am ready
To reach beneath your skin
Feel for your pulse
Lather my fingers with your blood
Sew up your wounds with my love juices
I need to feel the muscles
Massive
Bulging
Begging for my attention
Beneath your shield
You held me
Like strawberries
Between fingers
Mesmerized by my plumpness
Don’t lose it
I remind myself
Your cheek scratches mine
In a brush of skin
Contact
Ignite
Our layers bursts with anticipation
Sweat follows the small of my back
Downward
Finding your hands
Placed permanently
I try not to swoon
But I can only think of your scent
Cocoa butter, man and want
You urge me to return with you
Find refuge in your private space
I decline
Knowing now is just as inappropriate as
The first time we met
Strangers then
Soaked with desire and attached
But the here and now is imminent
Promising fulfillment
And we can’t let go
Our limbs swirled around each other
Fingers clasped
Like locks
We’ve started a journey
No maps required
Using our fingers and tongues like Braille
Pores taste like promises
I’ve guessed your age
And your shoe size
I wonder what you dream
As you snuggle under my gaze
Unsure of your footing
Afraid this road isn’t ready for your weight
I feel your hesitance
It stings like mine, I reply
But the most fatal step
Are those filled with remnants
Of uncertainty
now this one is like the consequence of the aforementioned... it wasn't written as a series, i guess it just works out like that! i am trying to pull out several dimensions with this joint so please ... check back for the evolution of the poem.
the knowing
He left me
to make a statement
only proving he was man enough to break a woman’s heart
loving to the eyes
He
Made moons eclipse
Had me star struck during daybreak
I wished upon his lashes every time he blinked
I guess
I never anticipated the end of forever
So now here we are
Two days from the end of the existence
As we know it
Him anxious
I apprehensive
We only hours from falling into a pattern
Of newness
New life
New memories
New smiles
New tears
But I
Wanted to refurbish
Our lives together
Create tranquility between each heartbeat
Dance like lovers under moons painted
our bed sheets
The color purple
Bled pain when he spoke of leaving
He said I was his kryptonite
And my only problem was that I made him feel like a man
Always
Afraid
He thought never leave meant
Leave when you least expect it
Couldn’t wait for the other shoe to drop
so backwards
He stepped
away
from us
Didn’t know how to just be
Said happily ever after was simply a marketing phrase
And we were just a commercial break for tampons
Condoms and microwave dinners
Quick
Disposable
And only necessary if you were afraid of death
& he had already died once
This life was just a test of his endurance through hell
Now, we wait
Wait for this break up to end neatly
He sounds pleased: can we be friends?
I lie: yes
Then reconsider: no.
No moments past now will allow me to think of you
In the arms of another woman
Her folds framing your face
Your hands grasping her waist
Your attention, kissing her flesh
And you want me to make it easier for you
To make life harder for me
I’m sorry, I can’t be your friend.
Startled, his eyes reveal
He has a history of making women cry
But only feel sorrow once their tears tap dance on his conscious
Interrupted by my heart breaking loudly like
Glass Shatters
The shrapnel scatters and slices rip from his “it will be ok” grimace
Severing my arteries and hope
This is it
I know it
Allowing the silence to encompass my lungs like a
Victim succumbing to the strength of the sea
I pause to say goodbye
Head to chest and wet fabric bomb shelter barrier now between
Lovers
p a s t
Parted lips
Expound the air that breathed rich
Like when he sang to me, off key
And I swear
As we stood there
His heart murmured relief
kismet
I am ready
To reach beneath your skin
Feel for your pulse
Lather my fingers with your blood
Sew up your wounds with my love juices
I need to feel the muscles
Massive
Bulging
Begging for my attention
Beneath your shield
You held me
Like strawberries
Between fingers
Mesmerized by my plumpness
Don’t lose it
I remind myself
Your cheek scratches mine
In a brush of skin
Contact
Ignite
Our layers bursts with anticipation
Sweat follows the small of my back
Downward
Finding your hands
Placed permanently
I try not to swoon
But I can only think of your scent
Cocoa butter, man and want
You urge me to return with you
Find refuge in your private space
I decline
Knowing now is just as inappropriate as
The first time we met
Strangers then
Soaked with desire and attached
But the here and now is imminent
Promising fulfillment
And we can’t let go
Our limbs swirled around each other
Fingers clasped
Like locks
We’ve started a journey
No maps required
Using our fingers and tongues like Braille
Pores taste like promises
I’ve guessed your age
And your shoe size
I wonder what you dream
As you snuggle under my gaze
Unsure of your footing
Afraid this road isn’t ready for your weight
I feel your hesitance
It stings like mine, I reply
But the most fatal step
Are those filled with remnants
Of uncertainty
now this one is like the consequence of the aforementioned... it wasn't written as a series, i guess it just works out like that! i am trying to pull out several dimensions with this joint so please ... check back for the evolution of the poem.
the knowing
He left me
to make a statement
only proving he was man enough to break a woman’s heart
loving to the eyes
He
Made moons eclipse
Had me star struck during daybreak
I wished upon his lashes every time he blinked
I guess
I never anticipated the end of forever
So now here we are
Two days from the end of the existence
As we know it
Him anxious
I apprehensive
We only hours from falling into a pattern
Of newness
New life
New memories
New smiles
New tears
But I
Wanted to refurbish
Our lives together
Create tranquility between each heartbeat
Dance like lovers under moons painted
our bed sheets
The color purple
Bled pain when he spoke of leaving
He said I was his kryptonite
And my only problem was that I made him feel like a man
Always
Afraid
He thought never leave meant
Leave when you least expect it
Couldn’t wait for the other shoe to drop
so backwards
He stepped
away
from us
Didn’t know how to just be
Said happily ever after was simply a marketing phrase
And we were just a commercial break for tampons
Condoms and microwave dinners
Quick
Disposable
And only necessary if you were afraid of death
& he had already died once
This life was just a test of his endurance through hell
Now, we wait
Wait for this break up to end neatly
He sounds pleased: can we be friends?
I lie: yes
Then reconsider: no.
No moments past now will allow me to think of you
In the arms of another woman
Her folds framing your face
Your hands grasping her waist
Your attention, kissing her flesh
And you want me to make it easier for you
To make life harder for me
I’m sorry, I can’t be your friend.
Startled, his eyes reveal
He has a history of making women cry
But only feel sorrow once their tears tap dance on his conscious
Interrupted by my heart breaking loudly like
Glass Shatters
The shrapnel scatters and slices rip from his “it will be ok” grimace
Severing my arteries and hope
This is it
I know it
Allowing the silence to encompass my lungs like a
Victim succumbing to the strength of the sea
I pause to say goodbye
Head to chest and wet fabric bomb shelter barrier now between
Lovers
p a s t
Parted lips
Expound the air that breathed rich
Like when he sang to me, off key
And I swear
As we stood there
His heart murmured relief
Wednesday, December 08, 2004
food for thought --- answer these questions and i will forever be in debt
is art still art when you don't believe in it -- but everyone around you does?
can you be friends with those who lie?
can you exist without defining your character?
who wants to live in nyc and what for -- the option of saying it?
(i actually can answer that question.)
how do you look yourself in the mirror?
when is lust and desire worth it?
is their truth in silence?
how can he be everything to everyone without being something to himself?
can you stand the rain?
holla if you love and miss the real new edition!
do tears spilled mean the same thing they used to -- or have we learned to manipulate tears ducts like people?
when is enough enough?
can you be friends with those who lie?
can you exist without defining your character?
who wants to live in nyc and what for -- the option of saying it?
(i actually can answer that question.)
how do you look yourself in the mirror?
when is lust and desire worth it?
is their truth in silence?
how can he be everything to everyone without being something to himself?
can you stand the rain?
holla if you love and miss the real new edition!
do tears spilled mean the same thing they used to -- or have we learned to manipulate tears ducts like people?
when is enough enough?
Tuesday, December 07, 2004
Monday, December 06, 2004
...just thoughts
this kind of weather never helps my mood. though i am blessed to be loved and in love. i am still a depressed soul to the core. i am working on this... getting ready to go christmas shopping and new years is exciting -- we are going to a sunny beach! thats a long vacation in the waiting -- you know i forgot what today was! lol anyway, check out my issues -- you know we all got some of those!
some say i am untrusting
many have proved this defensive mechanism
a necessity to maintain
my life
is trying
im in an arena where honesty is simply a word
there is no honor
there are few morals
and integrity is compromised
constantly
i speak in pauses
i try not to -- but it is hard...
like now -- this is not a poem
there is nothing poetic about hurt
and pain and i know you see the tears but you will never experience the injustices
humans provoke for play
dangerous lifestyles dig early graves
believe me
there is no grass greener than that of which you can maintain
i hold grudges
taurean mother with a little girl's heart in my palm
i protect the weak and the strong
we must rise together
there are no sunrises that mark the time of our progression
our thoughts will serve as markers in this task
we are the beautiful
she is beautiful
i've loved her since her kicks tapped on my stomach in a code
known to mother's
only
we
will survive this
it's natural
selection
at work
divine order
trust
5 letters
1 syllabel
i wonder if i will ever be able to say it beyond the page
so i strive
for her ability
to believe without the burden
of my pain
some say i am untrusting
many have proved this defensive mechanism
a necessity to maintain
my life
is trying
im in an arena where honesty is simply a word
there is no honor
there are few morals
and integrity is compromised
constantly
i speak in pauses
i try not to -- but it is hard...
like now -- this is not a poem
there is nothing poetic about hurt
and pain and i know you see the tears but you will never experience the injustices
humans provoke for play
dangerous lifestyles dig early graves
believe me
there is no grass greener than that of which you can maintain
i hold grudges
taurean mother with a little girl's heart in my palm
i protect the weak and the strong
we must rise together
there are no sunrises that mark the time of our progression
our thoughts will serve as markers in this task
we are the beautiful
she is beautiful
i've loved her since her kicks tapped on my stomach in a code
known to mother's
only
we
will survive this
it's natural
selection
at work
divine order
trust
5 letters
1 syllabel
i wonder if i will ever be able to say it beyond the page
so i strive
for her ability
to believe without the burden
of my pain
Sunday, December 05, 2004
2001 ways *work in progress*
Hard
Passionate
Long
He kissed me like that
In the beginning
Like our lips apart were unimaginable
Our torsos touching
Bare flesh
Eclipsed shadows
And us
Nothing else mattered
Just the breathing patterns
We mixed them in a perfect crescendo
Unison Orchaestrated
Our bodies pulled the silence apart
Tore our single lives into fours and birthed monogamy
I wondered if we were ready
If he were too single for saving
And I
Still new to this dating
We called fate's bluff
Closed our eyes
And jumped
Anyway
Passionate
Long
He kissed me like that
In the beginning
Like our lips apart were unimaginable
Our torsos touching
Bare flesh
Eclipsed shadows
And us
Nothing else mattered
Just the breathing patterns
We mixed them in a perfect crescendo
Unison Orchaestrated
Our bodies pulled the silence apart
Tore our single lives into fours and birthed monogamy
I wondered if we were ready
If he were too single for saving
And I
Still new to this dating
We called fate's bluff
Closed our eyes
And jumped
Anyway
Saturday, December 04, 2004
untitled 2051 & how to let go & night crimes (3 in 1)
untitled 2051
its the smallest things
that make the world ripple
we go back
and
forth
i hate you
i hate him
i hate
like its purposeful
i know
these words carry thorns like roses
that will never be brought to my doorstep
ive met my prince charming
afraid
i've exchanged him for a
mickey mouse clubhouse member
instead
we talk
letting air whispers kiss earlobes
and i want to tell him im sorry
for the hurt
the hurt that feels like my everyday smile
when there is nothing worth the strain
i hate him
i hate you
i hate
so hard and long that i forget how it feels
to just love
for any reason
without reason
and beyond reason
ive realized the cycle has been in motion
for scores now
we play memory tag
pushing buttons that pause the best times of my life
he wants me
still
im sorry
i moan
between fleeting thoughts
and complacency
i smell the world like a newborn must
have
first sniff
burning
alarming
and uncomfortable
shifting
quicker
stifling
shallow
easy
easy
easy
its easy to say stop the hate
when the void is filled with love
here
hollow tombs rest beneath bones
and envy scurries rat-like
eating away pieces of flesh
spoiled by his touch
its not that big a deal he thinks
while his choices turns our lives
to dust
fingertips brand initials
beneath skin
atop the heart strings
and he keeps me dancing
all along
to the tune in his head
how to let go (a work in progress)
think...
realize your existence
was incidental
your experience
was instrumental
just pieces to a puzzle
that's bigger than you
and it hurts
i know
i can see the anger
the regret
the unknowing
you don't know how to take it
but just take it
wrap it in your emotions
and false composure
now think... twice
dont stare
feel it
under your nails
the emptiness
its real
like the hurt
like life
and truth
and fake jewlery
shining bright under dim lights
beneath the glitter
it remains dull
memorize this feeling
accepting defeat will be the hardest
im sorry
it will only last as long as you think about it
so stop
breath
stop
move on
night crimes
it will never be enough/never fill the gap/never touch the core/that you stole from my being/my center allows no more remorse/or sorrow/in retrospect/it was easier to walk away/laugh like i didn't know/but im a woman/touched with intuition/and the need to be right/ive stopped looking in newspapers for your soul/gave up the search and rescue/figured the milk carton with your description would be enough/if its meant to be/i understand/there was never a place for you to sit/and think/i tasted the desperation/on your eyelids/when i kissed you goodnite/didn't want to know/you weren't really sleeping those hours/where i lay/cold/detached/and waiting/for the space that sat like miles/between us/cornered our pillows into silence/the sheets confessed/they were just an accomplice
its the smallest things
that make the world ripple
we go back
and
forth
i hate you
i hate him
i hate
like its purposeful
i know
these words carry thorns like roses
that will never be brought to my doorstep
ive met my prince charming
afraid
i've exchanged him for a
mickey mouse clubhouse member
instead
we talk
letting air whispers kiss earlobes
and i want to tell him im sorry
for the hurt
the hurt that feels like my everyday smile
when there is nothing worth the strain
i hate him
i hate you
i hate
so hard and long that i forget how it feels
to just love
for any reason
without reason
and beyond reason
ive realized the cycle has been in motion
for scores now
we play memory tag
pushing buttons that pause the best times of my life
he wants me
still
im sorry
i moan
between fleeting thoughts
and complacency
i smell the world like a newborn must
have
first sniff
burning
alarming
and uncomfortable
shifting
quicker
stifling
shallow
easy
easy
easy
its easy to say stop the hate
when the void is filled with love
here
hollow tombs rest beneath bones
and envy scurries rat-like
eating away pieces of flesh
spoiled by his touch
its not that big a deal he thinks
while his choices turns our lives
to dust
fingertips brand initials
beneath skin
atop the heart strings
and he keeps me dancing
all along
to the tune in his head
how to let go (a work in progress)
think...
realize your existence
was incidental
your experience
was instrumental
just pieces to a puzzle
that's bigger than you
and it hurts
i know
i can see the anger
the regret
the unknowing
you don't know how to take it
but just take it
wrap it in your emotions
and false composure
now think... twice
dont stare
feel it
under your nails
the emptiness
its real
like the hurt
like life
and truth
and fake jewlery
shining bright under dim lights
beneath the glitter
it remains dull
memorize this feeling
accepting defeat will be the hardest
im sorry
it will only last as long as you think about it
so stop
breath
stop
move on
night crimes
it will never be enough/never fill the gap/never touch the core/that you stole from my being/my center allows no more remorse/or sorrow/in retrospect/it was easier to walk away/laugh like i didn't know/but im a woman/touched with intuition/and the need to be right/ive stopped looking in newspapers for your soul/gave up the search and rescue/figured the milk carton with your description would be enough/if its meant to be/i understand/there was never a place for you to sit/and think/i tasted the desperation/on your eyelids/when i kissed you goodnite/didn't want to know/you weren't really sleeping those hours/where i lay/cold/detached/and waiting/for the space that sat like miles/between us/cornered our pillows into silence/the sheets confessed/they were just an accomplice
Friday, December 03, 2004
trinity
saw blade trinity
loved it
went to dinner
loved it
debated the politics of art imitating life
kinda liked it - didn't agree with all that was said, but hey
was suppossed to go dancing
went home and wrote this entry instead
life isn't fair
loved it
went to dinner
loved it
debated the politics of art imitating life
kinda liked it - didn't agree with all that was said, but hey
was suppossed to go dancing
went home and wrote this entry instead
life isn't fair
Thursday, December 02, 2004
the before
it was real
before the words
traced the outline of lies
spewed by maidens
that aren't as fair
as the story or the poem or the song
said they would be
could not be
more than a girl
playing make-up
in grown woman's clothes
she spins in fabric
hems falsettos
with false rhythm
she thinks linear
but we live vertically
assured this is the beginning of the
after life
where nothing right
glows like the aura of evil
it permeates the soul
and slips between the sheets
if you let it
but we won't let it
still she tries
frantically
pulling for a life deferred
swallowed by self-pity
and misery
loves numbers
she too has loved in numbers
exceeding and with the exception
of the magic ONE
too bad
her heart wasn't ready for sunrises
as innocent as laughter
and untainted conversations
she is heaving now
too big to swallow
the
reponsibility of a pain
so hot
it feels like lava
boiling liquid
scalding memories
grimace
this
is what it was before
how it is
and what it will forever be
before
words
meant
anything
before the words
traced the outline of lies
spewed by maidens
that aren't as fair
as the story or the poem or the song
said they would be
could not be
more than a girl
playing make-up
in grown woman's clothes
she spins in fabric
hems falsettos
with false rhythm
she thinks linear
but we live vertically
assured this is the beginning of the
after life
where nothing right
glows like the aura of evil
it permeates the soul
and slips between the sheets
if you let it
but we won't let it
still she tries
frantically
pulling for a life deferred
swallowed by self-pity
and misery
loves numbers
she too has loved in numbers
exceeding and with the exception
of the magic ONE
too bad
her heart wasn't ready for sunrises
as innocent as laughter
and untainted conversations
she is heaving now
too big to swallow
the
reponsibility of a pain
so hot
it feels like lava
boiling liquid
scalding memories
grimace
this
is what it was before
how it is
and what it will forever be
before
words
meant
anything
Wednesday, December 01, 2004
fetish
i like nice hands
nails cleaned -- not manicured
i dont like waxed eyebrows -- especially on men
i love the apprentice
the wire
spongebob squarepants (i got stickers, the toothbrush, shower curtain, dvd's, blow up dolls...)
masterbation
poems about love
men who believe in romance
supportive family units
jelly bellys
firm backsides
muscular legs
full lips
kissable lips
compassion -- that's sexy
artists with real visions
ambition -- that's sexy too
smiles that are genuine -- those are incredibly beautiful
loyalty and honesty are two of the most attractive qualities
what floats ya boat?
nails cleaned -- not manicured
i dont like waxed eyebrows -- especially on men
i love the apprentice
the wire
spongebob squarepants (i got stickers, the toothbrush, shower curtain, dvd's, blow up dolls...)
masterbation
poems about love
men who believe in romance
supportive family units
jelly bellys
firm backsides
muscular legs
full lips
kissable lips
compassion -- that's sexy
artists with real visions
ambition -- that's sexy too
smiles that are genuine -- those are incredibly beautiful
loyalty and honesty are two of the most attractive qualities
what floats ya boat?
simple things...
me and my friend cory were talkin...
about the simple things
when families consisted of mothers and fathers
when we weren't living in the land of the quick fix
(marriage and divorce included)
and when black love was constant...
i miss that. i think holidays really do it to me. remind me what i missed as a child. though my father wasn't around -- i knew i would be in a position where my family would have everything including the dog, the fence and the man from which the sperm dwelled. but as life turns out -- we don't get everything that we want. i know how it feels to want sunday dinners. and walks in the park with the kids in front. and the board games and the pizzas and the laughter. its warm. i know how it feels to want the stress that comes with the family. the bills and the braces and the clothing shortage and the hot water shortage. i know how it is to want something constant like love through the pain. as a single mother -- i have all that stress and though i am not married -- i am blessed to be able to share that with the man in my life. he is kind, supportive and very special. while he is not the father of my daughter -- he is the man in our life. and i know that's an incredible role to fill. especially if you don't see that in your immediate plans. but he is a trooper. he deals with two women with big egos and mouths like a champion. it ain't easy, i assure you. but he is here.
i wonder what my mother went through all those years. raising three kids, after a failed marriage and another physical relationship that produced bruises and addiction -- i wonder, how she wanted anything more to do with men... she provided for us without bantering an eye -- atleast in our view -- and i didn't see the marks left by years of pain until i was well into my twenties. right now. i wonder if my partner will leave me. leave me for someone without children, someone without the baggage of a single mother scorned by her her highschool sweetheart and his infidelity. leave me for someone without the stretchmarks that prove sometimes parenting is beyond our control. i wonder if he'll leave me for someone that doesn't smell like diapers and tears and distress and sand and chalk and hair grease and bills and struggle and loneliness. it's lonely as a single mother. even with all his support and guidance and suggestions -- i hold the burden that life for my daughter won't be ALL that she deserves. i know that will be my cross to bear.
about the simple things
when families consisted of mothers and fathers
when we weren't living in the land of the quick fix
(marriage and divorce included)
and when black love was constant...
i miss that. i think holidays really do it to me. remind me what i missed as a child. though my father wasn't around -- i knew i would be in a position where my family would have everything including the dog, the fence and the man from which the sperm dwelled. but as life turns out -- we don't get everything that we want. i know how it feels to want sunday dinners. and walks in the park with the kids in front. and the board games and the pizzas and the laughter. its warm. i know how it feels to want the stress that comes with the family. the bills and the braces and the clothing shortage and the hot water shortage. i know how it is to want something constant like love through the pain. as a single mother -- i have all that stress and though i am not married -- i am blessed to be able to share that with the man in my life. he is kind, supportive and very special. while he is not the father of my daughter -- he is the man in our life. and i know that's an incredible role to fill. especially if you don't see that in your immediate plans. but he is a trooper. he deals with two women with big egos and mouths like a champion. it ain't easy, i assure you. but he is here.
i wonder what my mother went through all those years. raising three kids, after a failed marriage and another physical relationship that produced bruises and addiction -- i wonder, how she wanted anything more to do with men... she provided for us without bantering an eye -- atleast in our view -- and i didn't see the marks left by years of pain until i was well into my twenties. right now. i wonder if my partner will leave me. leave me for someone without children, someone without the baggage of a single mother scorned by her her highschool sweetheart and his infidelity. leave me for someone without the stretchmarks that prove sometimes parenting is beyond our control. i wonder if he'll leave me for someone that doesn't smell like diapers and tears and distress and sand and chalk and hair grease and bills and struggle and loneliness. it's lonely as a single mother. even with all his support and guidance and suggestions -- i hold the burden that life for my daughter won't be ALL that she deserves. i know that will be my cross to bear.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
.jpg)