untitled 2051 & how to let go & night crimes (3 in 1)

untitled 2051

its the smallest things
that make the world ripple
we go back
and
forth
i hate you
i hate him
i hate
like its purposeful
i know
these words carry thorns like roses
that will never be brought to my doorstep

ive met my prince charming
afraid
i've exchanged him for a
mickey mouse clubhouse member
instead
we talk
letting air whispers kiss earlobes
and i want to tell him im sorry

for the hurt
the hurt that feels like my everyday smile
when there is nothing worth the strain

i hate him
i hate you
i hate
so hard and long that i forget how it feels
to just love
for any reason
without reason
and beyond reason

ive realized the cycle has been in motion
for scores now
we play memory tag
pushing buttons that pause the best times of my life
he wants me
still

im sorry
i moan
between fleeting thoughts
and complacency
i smell the world like a newborn must
have
first sniff
burning
alarming
and uncomfortable
shifting
quicker
stifling
shallow
easy
easy
easy

its easy to say stop the hate
when the void is filled with love
here
hollow tombs rest beneath bones
and envy scurries rat-like
eating away pieces of flesh
spoiled by his touch
its not that big a deal he thinks

while his choices turns our lives
to dust
fingertips brand initials
beneath skin
atop the heart strings
and he keeps me dancing
all along
to the tune in his head


how to let go (a work in progress)


think...
realize your existence
was incidental
your experience
was instrumental
just pieces to a puzzle
that's bigger than you
and it hurts
i know
i can see the anger
the regret
the unknowing
you don't know how to take it
but just take it
wrap it in your emotions
and false composure
now think... twice
dont stare
feel it
under your nails
the emptiness
its real
like the hurt
like life
and truth
and fake jewlery
shining bright under dim lights
beneath the glitter
it remains dull
memorize this feeling
accepting defeat will be the hardest
im sorry
it will only last as long as you think about it
so stop
breath
stop
move on


night crimes


it will never be enough/never fill the gap/never touch the core/that you stole from my being/my center allows no more remorse/or sorrow/in retrospect/it was easier to walk away/laugh like i didn't know/but im a woman/touched with intuition/and the need to be right/ive stopped looking in newspapers for your soul/gave up the search and rescue/figured the milk carton with your description would be enough/if its meant to be/i understand/there was never a place for you to sit/and think/i tasted the desperation/on your eyelids/when i kissed you goodnite/didn't want to know/you weren't really sleeping those hours/where i lay/cold/detached/and waiting/for the space that sat like miles/between us/cornered our pillows into silence/the sheets confessed/they were just an accomplice