...just thoughts

this kind of weather never helps my mood. though i am blessed to be loved and in love. i am still a depressed soul to the core. i am working on this... getting ready to go christmas shopping and new years is exciting -- we are going to a sunny beach! thats a long vacation in the waiting -- you know i forgot what today was! lol anyway, check out my issues -- you know we all got some of those!

some say i am untrusting
many have proved this defensive mechanism
a necessity to maintain
my life
is trying
im in an arena where honesty is simply a word
there is no honor
there are few morals
and integrity is compromised
constantly
i speak in pauses
i try not to -- but it is hard...
like now -- this is not a poem
there is nothing poetic about hurt
and pain and i know you see the tears but you will never experience the injustices
humans provoke for play
dangerous lifestyles dig early graves
believe me
there is no grass greener than that of which you can maintain
i hold grudges
taurean mother with a little girl's heart in my palm
i protect the weak and the strong
we must rise together
there are no sunrises that mark the time of our progression
our thoughts will serve as markers in this task
we are the beautiful
she is beautiful
i've loved her since her kicks tapped on my stomach in a code
known to mother's
only
we
will survive this
it's natural
selection
at work
divine order
trust
5 letters
1 syllabel
i wonder if i will ever be able to say it beyond the page
so i strive
for her ability
to believe without the burden
of my pain