the importance of napoleon dynamite

i love this flick
watched it 3 times in 2 days. its about being pushed around, a failure, computer romance and a mexican with a sweet ten speed. the little girl from corrina corrina is in it -- she rocks. and the lead actor (forgot his name) is absolutely hilarious! but beneath the sarcasim and dry humor. is a story about security, friendship, acceptance and self-reflection.

i had class today with my girls at the district attorney's office (for young women offenders) and i was flipping out in the middle of the writing session. we did the usual writing exercises (i.e., say a word and write all the things that come to mind. i say "women" they write ho, slut, bitch, big ass, pretty hair, nice lips - stuff like that) when we started talking about life and religion and God and anger and death. one of my girls is adament about wanting to be dead. says it has to be better than this.

i sat quietly. let her peers talk to her about her reasons for wanting to die. she didn't waver. not one bit. the only time i saw emotion from this 14 year old self-proclaimed lesbian, was when she talked about her grandmother passing two weeks prior. i understood completely. she said her grandmother was the only person that understood her and she didn't believe in God because he took away a faithful and loyal woman. i could see her pain. it poured from her silence. it was heavy and i couldn't hold it if i wanted to.

i intervened. told her i understood depression. i had been fighting bouts for months now. it has been a year since my grandmother passed and i still haven't erased her number from my cell phone. i still tear up when i think about her. and i still am angry when i think of how she passed. it wasn't her time. but i had to busy myself. worry about my writing. stain her memory on society. build a legacy in her honor. surround myself with successful and aspiring people. i told her this with choked tears. it was sad. watching a grown woman and a young lady connect on some death shyt.
and she's such an incredible writer. her thoughts are beyond her years, but the pain is what scares me. im scared she won't get past the pain. she hates god. says he doesnt want to be happy. says he doesnt like gays and he took away the only person who knew her. class ended too soon. so i asked her to write about it. think of the things her grandmother wanted for her and the choices she would make to change her life for the better. she seemed undaunted. looked away frequently and said farewell.

im just afraid her theory makes more sense than it should.