Thursday, April 28, 2005

groggy...

the medication they gave me isnt so bad. not so bad. it took less than an hour for the removal of the screw. that bytch was like DISSSSSSSSS BIG! and i gotta be honest. i wasn't looking forward to the recovering room. the last time, the chick was crazy mean to me, they wouldnt feed me even though i hadnt eaten in almost 26 hours and left me with two slosshy jello cups. when j came to check on me - i told him what happened and he went off. the women said NO, we didnt mistreat you. nu uh. got all nice when his azz came in there. so i wasn't looking forward to her grunting some payback on my sickly ass. however, this time - i had ms marilyn (who i confided in about the drama the last time) and jo jo (who was extra nice so he could get the flowers i promised marilyn). overall - it was an awesome experience.
however, i was so lucky to witness a couple of surgeons and their nurses say the damndest things.

1) im so tired.
2) this is my first time
3) which leg are we operating?

uh, duke. you should already know that SHYT. don't let me have an ich in my good leg - you take that as a sign of confirmation and then go to cutting at it! and my anesthist (sp?) was hilarious. telling me everyone's bizness. she said, imma give you something that will make you have nice dreams. some people talk in their sedation. i was like - HEY. i dont want that! never know what truth might slip from my mouth! lol j laughed and said "what are you hiding ma?" too slow to respond with wit i let him have that one. tskkkk. now, i have another one of these surgeries which puts my london trip on hiatus. again.

god's trynna tell you something

remember that song? that's what i hear in my head when i try to do things repeatedly and it just doesn't come to fruition. sorry sammy. she made me promise to come back to lonDUN despite my disgust for its unsavory bitz. the doc stepped in again, lady... i will be there in october - i swear.

god's trynna tell you something

dreamt of my grandma, coco. it was wierd. we were having some sort of house party and a man loitering the front of my "establishment" was loud and trynna talk to me. then i went back into the house (?) and it was standing room only. they asked me to fix some divider and i did. before i looked in the corner and there she sat - healthy as ever. i ran to her and gave her a kiss and hug and said we must have lunch soon. she loved dining out. she nodded, i think, then i woke up. scared. i didnt know what the dream meant (send your synopsis please) but it felt too real to deny.

maybe god...

and as you would have it. my writing group the nite before had an assignment. that's write. write a poem on your death bed. sonuva! can't get away from this crap! so i posted it above. let me know what you think... talk to ya'll tomorrow/today. as it is 2am brooklyn time. and i am waiting for j to get back from the bodega with our late-nite snacks.

live from brooklyn
love hip hop (thx eliel)
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3 comments:

my coffee is always said...

Mo Browne... Glad you made it out it one piece minus the loose screw... Perhaps GOD (good orderly direction) is putting you in a position that will allow MORE opportunities upon your arrival and subsequent stay in London. Oddly, I have had dreams of deceased relatives. Most important are two dreams: One I had nearly ten years ago, where my Mom sat at the end of my bed and talked to me all night long. My life took a dramatic change, both positive and opportunities to learn life lessons. Another, was soon after my favorite Aunt passed. She loved to play softball. In my dream I was watching her play softball in a gated area, I searched desperately for a way to get in. I feverishly called out to her. She finally came over to the fence and calmly explained to me that I could not play with her this time. I do not remember her reasons. But again, my life took a dramatic change. Both dreams scared the "CRAP" out of me. But I remember things from the dreams during crucial periods in my life, at times it has aided me in my decision making. I have been told that because I was so TERRIFIED they would not "come" to me again until I was ready. I know that both times I sought advice or guidance in my life. I know that as a result of the dreams, I made better choices. I now await a dream/visit from my "Grand" who passed away this past September 11. Oddly enough, she has walked thru rooms in my dreams, so I catch glimpses of her, never quite see her face. Once, I a dream, I even thought I heard her voice and laugh. I like to think these "people" are GOD coming to me in a "shell" that is recognizable, someone I feel comfortable with. And that my "fear", may not be fear, but a pure sense of humility, which in itself is terrifingly uncomfortable. To be that vulnerable in the presence of perfection. Keep exploring, and let me know what you find out....
much love...
13andtheysayitain'tlucky

10:58 AM
Mahogany L. Browne said...

thanks lady! you make me miss Austin all the more!

11:35 AM
Mahogany L. Browne said...

dont be sad! just think, we'll be able to go shopping for shoes and have all the white chocolate mocha (w/soya) without the hassle of an ailing ankle! :)

6:04 AM

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