for her

i wondered how else to savor your spirit
but you dreamt in colors undetermined by any spectrum


so

close to touch


but, i watched you wither


shovel sounds of a little girl gone
as he bears on flesh
you fed him with you right hand
thought the trusting petals would bloom
in your left, but only his abscence grew

smiles hindered the closing of doors
and you knew this kiss would last forever

still forevers are only moments frozen
until the baby cries
the girlfriend calls
the dreams of rockstar momentum carry him from you

had you known any better
your knees would've stayed pressed together
clasped smoke between your tongue instead of his
wetness

mind the gap

slippery when worn
and he's worn you

heavy
dirty
ugly
loveless
wanting
more
than
these hidden layers

folded between the cracks and crevices of your mind

you ask for your mother, more than ever
somehow you know she remembers this heartache
maybe she kept the antidote for getting on with life

learn how to dial a phone again
unlearn his digits lose connection

learn how to breath with clothes still pressed
unlearn his fingers lifting at your dress

learn how to wear your hair the way you love most
unlearn his tug'n of tresses,

the mess he made you now
uncivilized girl child
whispering apologies to life unknown
speak your own name,
find your steps again

worry never of the woman he made you
under bedspreads and dim lights


you will always

look this beautiful

in the morning