my thing...

if anyone knows me they know several things. i am so enthralled with spongebob... anything and everything. i have the shower curtain. the life-size spongebob a surprise birthday present. the toothbrushes. dvd box set. backpacks -- ya get me?

i am addicted to CAP N CRUNCH cereal. i open my feature sets (or i used to) talking about how much i love capn crunch. for my people overseas -- if you haven't had any, send me your addy. i feel its my duty to let you taste a piece of heaven! and i was so into it -- a high school boyfriend HAD to meet me with a box of said item just because it was that serious. i've even had the pleasure of an audience member bringing a box of said item, to the side of the stage as i said i was willing to marry (ok, i went too far with this one) but it was a good laugh *and i kept the cereal* nonetheless.

i also have a crazy attraction to men that wear baseball caps, have NY accents and vast knowledge of hip-hop... and after peeping my significant you'd understand! i cry everytime i watch the color purple. i cry when i think of my grandmother. i cry when i talk to his mom. i cry when i think of my relationship with my mom. i buy books like crack. i watch reality tv (moreso because of the cast) but i can't front -- i liked them before the injury. and i love shoes.

however, i have a huge downfall, something that i'm working on: forgiveness. i never forgive easily. and i can endure a lot of things once you are in my heart - but once you are out -- it's a wrap. my sister says i need to trust people more. she doesn't understand my life. she thinks i should've married twice already. i don't think she believes in love but opportunity. she beleives i wait for people to mess up so i can toss them aside without remorse. says im just noose tying in the interim. says im never really open to anyone.

i love my sister. dearly. but she is the LAST person to speak about these things! i have watched her play cats out without even a smirk on her face. this is the same woman that used my ID to open up faulty accounts and get traffic violations. she is the woman that showed me how to watch the slither of woman lusting for a taken man. that was the building of a foundation! just the beginning! maybe she could've proven to me that woman can co-exist before i had to relearn the truth in my mid-twenties. maybe she could have shown me thru example how to deal with these things -- rather than resorting to violence. something i'm too good at for my own good. i write because of these things. she laughs at my poems sometimes. says im still not opening up on stage. says i could be married. says i shouldnt settle. she says this as a single mother of my neice and nephew. her load is just as heavy as mine -- if not worse. she remains the anchor of our family. or plays like it on occassion. and i want to learn how to be the woman she says i need to be. but the things that she questions the most -- are the things that make me ... ME. make me complex and sexy and crazy...not SQUIRRILY but flyy and unique. and real. and honest.

and i know she means well. though sometimes its hard to tell beneath the tough exterior. nevertheless, she reminds me of what i need to work on. even when she pisses me off the most.