i thought people who said that about women were just unable to deal with the truth. now i believe in both causes. i had such a bout of depression i scared myself. and within 3 days - it was lifted.
being a woman is difficult.
so now im looking around my house. threw out the futon. ordered a new livingroom set. looked at a couple of apartments. but J talked me out of it. said he didnt feel it was safe enough. he is the protector.
so now, im back to looking at my laundry laugh at me. there are cd's everywhere. clothes in two piles for a trip down the way to the laundromat.
however, i finally cleaned my desk. nice!
in doing this, i found my one of a kind picture of Tupac the night he was killed, at the awards show, courtesy of my great friend dave g. he's a photographer and knew how much i loved pac, so when he framed it gold and black and presented it to me - i cried. so now that sits looking at me. as well as a couple of paintings from the Stanza series that i started with Natiq - i feel homesick. like i need drama around me to feel some type of love. we dont do drama. that's something that makes me feel good. even if its a bit unnerving.
healthy love is hard to find.
and harder to keep. i sat with one of my best friends and we talked about it all. she deserves the best. her strength will always be something that i admire. we compare and contrasted the hard times and how to keep the good times. the conversation didn't end until early morning. which is normal - for us. lol that said. she inspires me. and that's a rarity. she is brilliant and loving and open and warm and incredibly strong. her friendship is what pales the evils of the world.
but i have to go back to work.
this last couple of days have been tight on my soul. but hanging out with court and ms deb, j and amari, esther and her momz has helped the homesickness.