what jamie foxx and i have in common...

And now I want to cry. Watching the actor’s studio celebrate Jamie and his oscar win for the role as Ray. And he starts to break down in the middle of his interview. He lost his grandmother and I feel him. The pain is so deep – though it seems this is life. It still hurts. Like wounds bathed in salt. And he’s in tears now. Slow convulsions take over his speech and he shrugs. I know what that’s like. To let the emotions pour out with only an aftershock waving through your body. I feel him. He said his grandmother was loaned to this world for 95 years. I envy him. I lost my grandmother after 77 years. But she was tired. And sick. And ready. We may not have been ready – but she was. And don’t know how to tell her goodbye. Even now. 1 year after her passing. I still know her phone number and address – but I don’t know how to say goodbye. I’m not ready. So I talk to her in my dreams. I talk to her when I feel the world crumbling, which is often these days. And she hears me. Consoles me like only she knows how. Tells me “Kid, this life is what you make it”. She was a tearjerker. Shed tears to purge herself and now, I watch Jamie Foxx flushing his system. Shedding tears like skin over a woman that made his world possible. I know exactly how he feels.