so far

i've become accoustmed to missing days out of my life. it is a never ending cycle these days. up @ 700am. amari to school, gym on most days, 5 - 7 workshops every day, pick amari up, think of writing, fall asleep instead. last night i was able to host the nuyorican's 1st teen group slam. and these kids were phenomenal. i was finally able to see NJ in their entirety -- which was dope and amazing beyond belief. then urban word's two teams came thru (RHODE ISLAND wasn't available) and did the damn thang as well... do they still say that? do the damn thing?

catching up with cats on myspace is seriously scary. did i type that outloud? probably... but it is. and i am waiting to see how i make it not effect my life more than a comment page or email session that lasts over 2 hours. because my time is worth so much these days.

though you probably couldnt tell with my lack of blogging -- i am certainly feeling my way around in the dark with sunglasses! but i am here. and thinking of the future. thinking of the nationals and how that will pan out this year. i am going regardless if i make the team or serve as coach... i am happy to leave the dramatics behind. though im not sure the dramatics wants to leave me.

which leads me to now. it will always be something or someone to fuk with your momentum. someone challenging your shine for whatever reason. someone questioning your word, your womaness, your writing, your worth. always there in the shadows -- in the crowd -- under your arm, acting as friend. i realized it will always be that way because we are usually a trusting people. but the endurance of it is what will separate us from them. them being under-developed humans. i mean, how else will they learn how to become civilized? become human again. not pure - still dented and learning, but trying. trying to be better than leeches.

only their actions can prove this. we cannot walk them thru the fire. we cannot hand them the cliff notes to life.