Wednesday, November 30, 2005

christmas shopping and the lateness that is ME

so ive been online all morning.

searching for spa certificates for my grandmother and aunties. already got my sis her joint from london. need to get a painting for my cousin's new digs.

otherwise - amari is taken care of and im still waiting on a check that has been in the mail since last week.

the problem with living in bedstuy is you rarely get your mail. the bills - yea. but the money - always seems to come up missing.

i hate my building. and the post office that services my building. they (as jive says) "keep it real" too much.

finished a couple of installments for the new jumpoff. will be hiring an edit team for this one - as it's an indie release. which i have become more excited about than before.

what are you doing? i haven't heard your voice in awhile

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

the art of suffocation

i've been waiting forEVER to get my new asha bandele book. not very happy with the response time. i must call her office or bumrush the scene if i want my copy immediately.

note to self: put on the nice shoes.

there are things that still confuse me. like why men get involved with women obviously out of their league. and i don't mean - she's a DIME. or that stupid shyt. but i'm talking about a woman that knows what she wants and is about her business. then here comes this f'up who's just waiting to suck her life force away. it makes me wonder. "why not get a person on the same level as YOU so ya'll can leave the cool productive people to pro-create with the like-minded individuals?"

she is beginning to bore me.

hosted a woman's show last nite. it was the first i had met most of the women there. i think i knew 4 out of 10. so that was cool, to reintroduce myself to a scene that had ousted me (whether by choice or force) so long ago. it ran long, which wasn't cool - but the unification of women's voices was cool.

and then there was none.

i began putting those paintings up on the wall. i have an entire wall of natiq greats. he's relocated from denver all the way to Philly. i must get in touch soon. i also have a D-Cross original and an IYABA original. will take pics and post. i finally got to put up the gift from Joyce (of Austin's Mitchies Gallery) and it looks beautiful. now. i will go buy paint. and beautify them raggedy walls. i'm trying to keep myself busy til i get outta that damn hell hole. if that means make it prettier than that's what imma do!

back to writing. im excited about my new project (as i always tend to be). finishing up the dressel collab, and putting the final touches on my very own publishing company. cherry moon was great to work with. but i decided no time like the present to have your own shyt.

i need a hobby. art for eat, sleep and work can be a bit overwhelming. maybe i'll join a bowling league.


Monday, November 28, 2005

poets for relief

jive and i agree:

TEXAS has the ABSOLUTE best network/community of poets.

I just received my package from Jo. From the newspaper clip that

I read it was a great event. And they raised a gang of money!



i had the greatest idea.

someone should invest in a laundromat and cafe. like - writer's could go there and get free internet access (wi-fi) and free dryer for every wash load.

call it: wash write


he doesn't understand the geniousness in this. go head - take dat witcha!


love how his goatee feels

side note: his mom's leftover meatloaf was slammin! argh

Sunday, November 27, 2005

this is the daybreak that greeted me from my guest room window on my last nite in london. i didn't sleep until i got on the plane.

poetry cafe hosted the 2nd or 3rd slam with new slammaster NIALL and the previous winner Phaze. this was fun. i really liked the second round *u had to write a piece with the words given to you and only ten minutes to write*

gio the singer, david j the wordsmiths and i - poetry n motion was live dat night :)

poetry n motion's kamou. he's an american in london doing his thizzle...

and here are the beauts i found. though i have learned that court's hi-top zebra print and pink nikes are in the running for the best DAMN factor.

agnes, ebele, anna and i look for shoes in the convent garden.

chimeka making the cutest face and his mum, elaine

there are the other two culprits of the girl's dinner out. ms ebele and my lovely agnes

girls dinner out. dats me and sammy - after the infamous hat jacking

the silence (WIP)

the silence - is what gets me

leaves me rotting
like ripened fruit
untouched by their hands

bruised by the passing of time
accompanied by
fragmented whispers

no sunlight will penetrate my core
seeds will fester with little
fair for replenshing

skin will lose its shine
edges loosen and soften with
unrequestered gestures

still. the silence will remain
for dissection
within this lonely space

Saturday, November 26, 2005

work load

so i've been working on my new set for the upcoming gigs. i want to start with of something totally new - therefore, i have put together something outta this world. very different for ME, but so ahhh - i don't know.

i guess you will have to see it!
but the difference between my past touring schedule and the one below is it's all about the homefront. i decided not to do things too far from home and/or long stints of time. there are too many things at the homefront (like JAM ON IT) that need my attention.

so here is the calendar of a few thangs. catch me if you can.

until the lights burn out,


4 - Jahva House, Worcester MA
10 - amherst college "voice for the voiceless concert"
23 & 24 - Crossroads Theatre, Denver CO

23 - Bar 13 LOUDERARTS feature, NYC
26 - AS220, Providence RI

11 - JAM ON IT "Punany & Politics"
18 - Mecca Sleepover, Milwaukee WI

10 - Nuyorican Poets Cafe, NYC

Friday, November 25, 2005


i thought people who said that about women were just unable to deal with the truth. now i believe in both causes. i had such a bout of depression i scared myself. and within 3 days - it was lifted.

being a woman is difficult.

so now im looking around my house. threw out the futon. ordered a new livingroom set. looked at a couple of apartments. but J talked me out of it. said he didnt feel it was safe enough. he is the protector.

so now, im back to looking at my laundry laugh at me. there are cd's everywhere. clothes in two piles for a trip down the way to the laundromat.
however, i finally cleaned my desk. nice!
in doing this, i found my one of a kind picture of Tupac the night he was killed, at the awards show, courtesy of my great friend dave g. he's a photographer and knew how much i loved pac, so when he framed it gold and black and presented it to me - i cried. so now that sits looking at me. as well as a couple of paintings from the Stanza series that i started with Natiq - i feel homesick. like i need drama around me to feel some type of love. we dont do drama. that's something that makes me feel good. even if its a bit unnerving.

healthy love is hard to find.

and harder to keep. i sat with one of my best friends and we talked about it all. she deserves the best. her strength will always be something that i admire. we compare and contrasted the hard times and how to keep the good times. the conversation didn't end until early morning. which is normal - for us. lol that said. she inspires me. and that's a rarity. she is brilliant and loving and open and warm and incredibly strong. her friendship is what pales the evils of the world.

but i have to go back to work.

this last couple of days have been tight on my soul. but hanging out with court and ms deb, j and amari, esther and her momz has helped the homesickness.


Tuesday, November 22, 2005

V (ortex)

breath broken speech
you talk like the words
don't want to leave your tongue

the awkward sly of hand
against flesh
our steps in trance syncopation

simmer soothe silence
i still haven't reasoned an answer
for this you are never certain
our steps together still awkward
until limbs cease to bend

new addiction

it's a site for writer's. it's like livejournal with constructive crit. yo Live Mik, & Amanda: meet me there! let's start a pen fire. you will know me when you see my name :)

tuggs, shortz and mo rep' n london

here is amari and my new do...

on the road...

of success.

riches are what you make them.

i search websites looking for inspiration

almost tripping over the daily blessings

that fill my life.

Monday, November 21, 2005


do you find your way back on the path
when you find the path was too bumpy a
road to travel in the first place?

court and charlotte - buffalo represent!

soul evans and the hebrew mamita are in the building.

matt mccoy the man behind the genuis that is hottestpoets

sarah lawrence student reps with mr gomez

derrica, roomie and dashaun cheez big for poetry

boogie's wife - the perfect saleswoman!

after the show - it's the photo party. and after that - it's chicken samich's from the village! word

HIPHOPPOETRY crew comes thru strong!

carlos andres gomez (atleast half of him) and mobrowne...

boogie and a-trayn with the best peanut butter and jelly jumpoff's in the City. A JAM ON IT exclusive

my sentiments exactly...

Hate Poem
by Julie Sheehan

I hate you truly. Truly I do.
Everything about me hates everything about you.
The flick of my wrist hates you.
The way I hold my pencil hates you.
The sound made by my tiniest bones were they trapped
in the jaws of a moray eel hates you.
Each corpuscle singing in its capillary hates you.

Look out! Fore! I hate you.

The blue-green jewel of sock lint I’m digging
from under by third toenail, left foot, hates you.
The history of this keychain hates you.
My sigh in the background as you explain relational databases
hates you.
The goldfish of my genius hates you.
My aorta hates you. Also my ancestors.

A closed window is both a closed window and an obvious
symbol of how I hate you.

My voice curt as a hairshirt: hate.
My hesitation when you invite me for a drive: hate.
My pleasant “good morning”: hate.
You know how when I’m sleepy I nuzzle my head
under your arm? Hate.
The whites of my target-eyes articulate hate. My wit
practices it.
My breasts relaxing in their holster from morning
to night hate you.
Layers of hate, a parfait.
Hours after our latest row, brandishing the sharp glee of hate,
I dissect you cell by cell, so that I might hate each one
individually and at leisure.
My lungs, duplicitous twins, expand with the utter validity
of my hate, which can never have enough of you,
Breathlessly, like two idealists in a broken submarine.

Sunday, November 20, 2005

winter cleaning

still looking for the space that will suit me best.

didnt go to conneticut - because being that far away from the pulse of the city
was just insane.

i think i found something. will find out definitely tomorrow.

still recovering from this weekend.

rockstar blues

Saturday, November 19, 2005

friday n now

the show was incredibly revolutionary. everyone did their thing and we gave away stuff to the people that held us down the most. check the ham on it blog for pics!

then we get home. make an impromptu trip to local emergency room. find our hope between spoonfuls of fish soup.

all is well again, in bklyn

ding dong the evil witch is gone :)

Thursday, November 17, 2005

all the things wrong with darrin henson

the dancer/choreographer/poor actor (from soulfood series)...

he is wack. in every way possible. includiing that supposed interview that was to happen over 6 years ago...

i hate cocky dikheads... ha - that's funny - it's like double...

more on him later... (4 and 5 BYE, BYE, BYE)

Wednesday, November 16, 2005


i just care TOO damn much.

i will try to work on that. seems cold hearted bitches go further in this world...

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

some of these are right on - then there are others that make me say hmmm...

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.
The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:

Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education

Education is less important than the real world out there, away from the classroom. Deep inside you want to start working, earning money and living on your own.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

Success in your career is not the most important thing in life. You are content with what you have and think that being with someone you love is more than spending all of your precious time just working.

What are you most afraid of:

You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

all day

dropping off tickets...
train hopping...
reading on the J line...
open mic'n...
ticket selling...

then i get to come home. and chill with amari. and watch my dvd of RIZE, again. i remember when i could dance so hard that i wouldn't cramp up until 10 years later. unfortunately, its ten years later! :)

but i'm blessed. loved. and inspired. who can ask for more?

oh - sorry Big Mike. I know that's probably too gushy... so -- FUKN HELL YOU C**T BURGER! captain ORGAZMO SUCKS! (except for the theme music. that's hilarious!)

Monday, November 14, 2005

addicted to a poet's blog!

run! i say. its like a freekn scary movie.

you are the blond chick that runs naked with
titties bouncing everywhere - in the direction
away from the man with a mask - but towards
his cleverly laid bear trap

run! i think. you are going to die when his
chainsaw greets your screaming lungs.

but websites are just like the movies -
they don't see the monsters like you do.
they can't hear your warnings.
and they always die in the first scene.

the niceness....

we chilled at mike's for his 4 year old's bday. can you say taco soup, frozen chocolate pudding cake and ice cream? top that off with madelyn's tongue in cheek responses to mike's "i got a new car" remarks and stir it with south park season 6.

Sunday, November 13, 2005

my bad...

it's been two weeks now. and i ain't even give the rundown of london.

after it was brought to my attention - here is my attempt of righting the wrong.

sunday sept30th

yea. i get in. my hostess and great friend is not home. booo. but the big door is open, so i lug my bags upstairs. leave them and half of the layer of clothing (it was cold last time i was here - so i came back overprepared) then head down to make a call and grab a coffee. being on a plane can take the wind outta any superhero's wings. call mz lady, she assures me she's on her way back to spring me and i get in touch with sammy. laugh for awhile before some cat asks to use the phone. i'm too new york. "What? When my money run out, son!" he backs up. i keep laughing to sammy. and then feel a twinge of regret. it ain't my fault the other joint is broke! but whateva. we schedule some chat'n time and relinquish the corded coil of communication. after coffee and laughter, my hostess and i return to her house for my set of keys and so i can rest a bit. after more talking - she returns to work. i count cd's and get ready to make moves. the show was cool. not as long as i thought, but im sure that has to do with all the women there in skimpy-ness ready to boogie. sammy and leo and dominic show up, which is a delight, and even my manz n dem DAVID J. i havent performed with this Britan favorite in over 3 years, so we catch up. after knocking down the walls during the ill reggae then soul set. i feel jetlag teasing my eyelids. and besides, one can only say "no thanks" for so long. back to the crib-o, thanks to me atlanta native Kamou and a legit cabbie and i get home in time to put on lock stock n barrel and fall asleep listening to jason steathman.

monday sept 31st
i aint trynna do nothing. fa real. and you can tell because i kept my pj's on all day. sammy calls me. tells me to come over after me sitting around for 6 hours. i do. she hooks up some hot ass chicken, and i mean hot in taste not temperature. but the rice is the absolute best that i've had in london. i tell her. dominic and elaine come thru and i finally get to see da baby! he's adorable. so i take pictures like a damn maniac. forgive me. i am baby hungry!!! we kick it well into the night before leo (aka duvet) comes back to the crib with a yellow belt for his martial arts participation. im like that's dope...! - but you can't whoop MY ASS. LOL

tuesday nov 1st

so i've kept contact with my people's dike in manchester for a bit, and hear he has a spot jumping off. because i have a workshop in blackburn with a group home (that actually came to see me perform in manchester @ the Contact Theatre) i figure i can kill two birds and come thru a bit early, perform at Dike's spot then make my way to the workshop the following morning. somehow - i am up early enough. head over to the coach station with little to no effort. purchase my ticket an hour before it's time to depart with mad time to spare. grab a sandwich and wait in front of the coach station. i don't know what happened. i mean, i know i didnt really feel like going to manchester that early anymore, the fatigue and homesickness had taken over my body, but i was there. and ready. no matter. mahogany sat around like a dips**t. sat right thru the coach call to manchester. the next one wouldnt arrive for another 2 hours, and also make me miss the show that i was rushing (a day early) to get to. so == i head home dammit. take a bus to kings cross, buy my train ticket for the following morning, and call it a day. i walk home from kings cross cause Jive told me it was close. i forgot - he likes to walk. so i end up limping towards the end, even though - it isn't as far as i expected. i have a sandwich left over from my wait in the coach station and i pull the bed out and crash. i sleep for atleast 4 hours before i realize my hostess hasn't returned home. waking up at midnight is freaky like that. you never know if it's night time or crazy early! but she gets home. and we talk for a couple of hours. working out book issues and the like. i love agnes. she's cooler than the average woman. but then that's the thing - she's a grown ass woman. life be different after a certain age, which also changes the way i interact with them. but i digress.

wed nov 2nd
now i had to leave at 7am. i make it to the coach station just in time to catch the bus to manchester. i am then to run a couple of blocks to the train station and take a 45 minute ride to blackburn. not a problem, ive had worse situations. then - my coach is late. makes two unexpected stops and i get in 10 minutes after my train has departed. im PISSED. i tell the driver so. have a good day he says "YOU ARE LATE" i reply. not very nice, eh? whateva. i'm able to catch the next train - but it makes me 40 minutes late to my class. i call my contact person leona, but she is soothing and assures me it's ok. with the rainy day - it will be light and the late start is a blessing. word? aight. so i get there. and leona and her cousin keely are standing in the rain with bags of groceries. i'm like damn. no umbrella, but atleast my hair is wrapped up under the hat. good enough. we walk in the rain, as fast as possible and make it into the homeless shelter for the first workshop.

the room is filled with about 12 people and the energy is crazy. we start after the manager (i think her name is amanda) hooks me up with the ill coffee. our workshop is fly and the kids are crazy interactive. all the workers that participated and made the class even betta. we end a bit late, because the topics of choice and the questions are in abundance. leona, keely and i head to the group home, which is a bit of a walk. im still understanding that cats in england walk like WHOA. it helps the ankle. even if i dont know it yet. lol we get there. and there is a beautiful sign saying welcome mahogany and there are pics everywhere of the last show i did in manchester. i'm flattered. but more so - im touched because its a rarity that people understand the affect they might have on someone's life. after getting ready and waiting for a couple of kids from manchester to get in, we start the workshop. i have about 20 people and the director even sits in. she's dope. and so are the kids. before long, we are cracking jokes and writing like wildfire.

after 2 hours, im spent and so are they. leona offers dinner and im ready to throwdown. we eat some really good kebabs then head to a pub across town to meet her sis. we sit at the pub for a couple of hours and i am introduced to apple cider for the first time in my life. he can definitely knock one off their ass. we crack jokes for hours and i learn the words: jelly bungle (stomach fat after you have a baby). but its too fun to end. so we get a ride to the crib with liqour in tow. i'm cool on the drinking. the warm house and company is intoxicating in itself. all the women are adorable and welcoming - it's so needed. and that's when i felt it. the lift of my previous funk. beside the fact the house is IMMACULATE. they call it the house behind classic cunt on foreskin road. LMAO yea. don't ask. by 2am, i bow out to have a personal conversation with the massage shower system and the goose down bed.

thurs nov3rd
im back headed to london via train. much easier on the blood pressure. unfortunately - i still get in late. this time, i have tuggs waiting for me in brixton and i have yet to get on the stinking tube. i make it there. and there is alot going on - which is about right when speaking of brixton tube station. tuggs and i get up when he tells me the unfortunate news. see, we are to have an interview for his magazine. but he left his recorder. i punish him. well not really. but i act like i might. instead of tripping too hard - we head to shortman's spot at the college INHERITANCE. but before making our way into another poetry show, which im a bit nervous about at this point, we grab some food from the peri peri chicken joint. it's hot ass chicken (as in taste) and im feelin like a punk. tuggs takes half of my burden and we converse about the politics of poetry and the fascade that usually falls after time. he's dealing with the same thing Jive and I felt after hitting the ceiling on performance poetry in our area. you dont feel appreciated. people coming for you like you owe them something. it gets tiring. after the release session over coca cola's we head to shortman's gig. it's packed. and inspirational. shortz always looks out for me and in a circuit where kindness is not always common - it's a breath of freshness.

friday, nov 4th
last performance in england. i feel better. i head to the battersea area to check into my hotel room. it is near the theatre and i want to talk nasty to my shower. pun intended. i miss showers when i visit england. so after two showers. i order a chicken, prawn, mushroom and spinach pizza and fall asleep watching tv. i have soundcheck at 8pm and also an interview with Tuggs before that. i have a hard time sleeping because there is no clock in the room! i finally make myself get up when the news comes on just to see i have 2hours sleep to go. before i know it. im getting dressed and tuggs rings the front desk. after the interview, we head to the bus stop, late - because i can be quite long winded. and after a short bus ride and a LONG walk i realize, i have split my favorite (4 year old) pants. im infuriated! these are my butt is perfect size pants. so i get into the theatre and sit with john paul oneill (london slammaster), and ebele before agnes walks in and we congregate loudly like only poets will. the show will start soon, but after i explain my dilemma to agnes she suggests "electrical tape". aaaah. the black tape! hell yea. i can patch my pants up now! so i grab a tech and she hooks me up with a whole roll of tape. i make my way to the bathroom and laugh at myself in the stall. after only minutes of tape measuring and application -- i am done. my skin is no longer flushed from cold england air and i feel like i can perform my ass off - no pun intended.

the show is nuts. the house is on fire and i would rank it as my top 5 performances in my CAREER. i catch inua on the way out and he has brought 4 friends with him just to see me (or so he says) and they are sweet. and i sell my new copies of UN-Lady-Like (a uk experiment). and all is well in the world. i meet a systa from New York, named Kandy. and she is an upcoming performer. we go for drinks at the local pub where we discuss getting over the fear of stage and love. she's adorable. and we catch a cab, new york style, afterwards - by bypassing the que and just jumping in a cab turning the corner. i return to my hotel room to get ready for my shopping date with agnes. she has made me promise to buy new pants - though im sure these can be fixed with a little needle and thread, minus the electric tape.

sat, nov 5th
jive has banned me from shopping on tour. even though he bought me the best pair of leather boot wedges that i will not be able to wear for another year. but agnes has started this mess. and we try on clothes at dorothy perkins for HOURS. i find a pair of pants and she MAKES me toss my favorite's in the BIN. right there. in the store. i am hurt. but not too hurt, because i have found another pair of eskimo boots (samantha helped me with my first pair) and i even walk away with a cute bolero (half off) and some brown mary jane wedges... i know -- no shopping on tour. but, i can't help it once i get started. afterwards we make our way to eat a restaurant chain and i spring for dinner. agnes has taken such good care of me - how could i not? upon exiting, i fall victim again. and buy 4 scarves. 3 for me - 1 for agnes... im sickening. i know. but she also tells me there is a slam i can go to at the cafe with niall. so i do. hoping to win the pot and exstinguish some of these shopping costs. no such luck. i come in second to graham - a hilarious old school dude. but make it out in time to meet duvet, sammy and elaine at the african house party. inua walks me to the station and i make my way to walthamstow. i finally get there around 11pm and now, with the assistance from my new boots, am in foot HELL. i take off my show while waiting for my escort to meet me in front of the station and am happily surprised to see oneness as well. we ride in her sis' ride to the spot - which is a crazy walk from the station and we walk in just in time to see floetic lara leaving. the word is she killed it. and i am sorry i missed it. i like her work and havent seen her perform in 2 years already. after parking the car we are notified that the party is over. i missed the performance spot. no problem. its good just to kick it with my london peeps, or so i thought. duvet runs up and makes the owner of the spot bring everybody back together. i feel like the police that just broke up the party. so i try to talk them out of the impromptu performance. not happening. after everyone is seated in chairs then cross legged on the floor in front of me - i start scraps of soul (food). they go nuts! i laugh because the turtleneck i thought i would need is not helping this newly founded suffocationa and they ask for another poem. so i rock two more pieces. and say -- thanks ya'll! duvet interrupts. MORE. they agree in loud unison. so i do ONE more piece. sure this is it. give it all of my vocal ability and say. "ight - thanks for listening."

MORE. but i dont fall for it. i offer the cd and then surprise oneness and bring her up to rip it. success. afterwards we head to a club. which has a dude with a fuzzy visor at the door causing beef. we decide to make our way to the hackney crib. talk until 6 in the morning. before they drop me off at home in time to prepare for my plane which leaves in less than 4 hours.

Friday, November 11, 2005

holy moley

writing sonnets... weird. will share later.

going to see chicken little today... before we head 2 jerzey (shudder)...

Thursday, November 10, 2005

as things come

last nite was great.

the house was packed. helena d lewis, rives and buttaflysoul were in the bldg to support my first "official" host day!

i gave away marble cake and bootleg dvd's. it was hilarious.

then other shyt pop'd off. and reminded me that i am only human. breathe deeply
count to ten
keep it moving

didnt work


Tuesday, November 08, 2005


does one lose the sense of self?

find themselves lost not only in their loved one's eyes - but in their flaws? their fears? their hurt? their pain?

does it make sense... all of this?

Monday, November 07, 2005


love... is a dangerous concept

Thursday, November 03, 2005

im back

in london. not the states - not just yet.
but im ready to come home - trust me.
i dont do cold... nah kid!

anyway, blackburn was so dope. will have pics and loads to talk about once i return.
workshops were inspiring as well as the staff. then i get back to london in time to meet up with Tuggs and kick it at Shortman's college spot. it was delightful

selling outta cd's wasn't bad neither!

gotta catch some z's... fa real

Tuesday, November 01, 2005



i missed my coach to manchester. im going to bed