so i am at cross road
how do i swallow what i know and call myself woman?
how do i look someone in the eye and say i love them, all the while
holding their happiness in a shit covered bag, that only the world
can smell.
bad analogy, maybe?
but i know this. this year is going to be bigger than the cheaters and the beaters and the womanizers and the liars and the haters and haters and the haters.
i will find a way.
i will find my way.
i will find you when i get there.
Sunday, December 31, 2006
denver, the new year and other things - in fragments
i am live in denver.
the show last nite was cool, however, my lost baggage and long time holiday/jet lag sag had set in , so i was incredibly happy that it went as well as it did.
the show was satuarated with poets from NYC, surprisingly, that didn't cut the room's energy.
did i tell you they lost my luggage? yup. so its official, i hate delta airlines.
and amari is in southern cali living it up with cousins and i miss her more than ever these days.
and it was good to see him.
even though they lost my baggage.
talking is always good for the heart. it felt like awhile since we caught up. even if it was just since the earlier phone call, or the emails.
so im thinking of my resolutions.
life with family was easy this time around. my lil cousin is ready to burst with another baby. my cousin just had her 5th child. jessica here in denver is due in 6 days. and bassey and elai keep me smiling.
all this baby fever got me wondering, what the hell was in the water.
the show last nite was cool, however, my lost baggage and long time holiday/jet lag sag had set in , so i was incredibly happy that it went as well as it did.
the show was satuarated with poets from NYC, surprisingly, that didn't cut the room's energy.
did i tell you they lost my luggage? yup. so its official, i hate delta airlines.
and amari is in southern cali living it up with cousins and i miss her more than ever these days.
and it was good to see him.
even though they lost my baggage.
talking is always good for the heart. it felt like awhile since we caught up. even if it was just since the earlier phone call, or the emails.
so im thinking of my resolutions.
life with family was easy this time around. my lil cousin is ready to burst with another baby. my cousin just had her 5th child. jessica here in denver is due in 6 days. and bassey and elai keep me smiling.
all this baby fever got me wondering, what the hell was in the water.
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Friday, December 15, 2006
for the man that had a wife (WIP)
for the man that had a wife (WIP)
i cannot speak with uncertainty
i wanted you when
i found the dirty in me, while crawling around your hidden spaces
i thought: she is wonderous
how you learn to love the soot and brush aside one's beauty?
i wish i could find the courage to stop hating life
long enough to roll around the grassy bloom of self
but i continue to buy gifts of admiration for men,
hoping i could find a him like he
but the sunrise is never promised
when a moonstruck gypsy turns lovesick
my type never ran for school office
no popularity contest held my name on ballots
i am a figment of your idea of what a vixen could be
so hate me more,
i am all the things that you despise
hate me like, the moment you looked in his eyes
and caught my reflection
though he will never leave you for me
i'm the type he keeps hidden on knees beneath your portrait
lovely woman who i always wanted to be
accept too my smeared reflection
i want you to love me like you love he
if only to say, "I know you're hurting"
find the beauty in the swollen knuckles and scarred knees
i will respond with the same envious stare
the blinks of green remain presently stale
i've grown tired of watching your lovely
how he flees to rest in your arms
and leave me here
slapping wind with a shattered heart,
wrapping a scarf of lies around my throat
matching it with earrings of distrust
these boots were made for ego crumbling,
and i only know how to wear the ugly
i cannot speak with uncertainty
i wanted you when
i found the dirty in me, while crawling around your hidden spaces
i thought: she is wonderous
how you learn to love the soot and brush aside one's beauty?
i wish i could find the courage to stop hating life
long enough to roll around the grassy bloom of self
but i continue to buy gifts of admiration for men,
hoping i could find a him like he
but the sunrise is never promised
when a moonstruck gypsy turns lovesick
my type never ran for school office
no popularity contest held my name on ballots
i am a figment of your idea of what a vixen could be
so hate me more,
i am all the things that you despise
hate me like, the moment you looked in his eyes
and caught my reflection
though he will never leave you for me
i'm the type he keeps hidden on knees beneath your portrait
lovely woman who i always wanted to be
accept too my smeared reflection
i want you to love me like you love he
if only to say, "I know you're hurting"
find the beauty in the swollen knuckles and scarred knees
i will respond with the same envious stare
the blinks of green remain presently stale
i've grown tired of watching your lovely
how he flees to rest in your arms
and leave me here
slapping wind with a shattered heart,
wrapping a scarf of lies around my throat
matching it with earrings of distrust
these boots were made for ego crumbling,
and i only know how to wear the ugly
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Want some?
Sheroshima meets the Bootlegger! that's right! all you need is paypal and you can snatch Sheroshima tracks NOW!!!
Monday, December 11, 2006
fam moments
i missed my fam. black, vic, jermaine, murph, mark, dashaun, greg, kovas, and all the arms of love that come attached: sara, j, tanyoka - i love them all. the brunch, the laughter, the life sharing was wonderous.
i never realized how complete it made me feel.
i never realized how complete it made me feel.
Saturday, December 09, 2006
Thursday, December 07, 2006
losing touch
i have about 10 minutes to write.
a couple of days ago i missed my studio session, because i just couldnt pull it together.
even know. i dont know what i should be doing, but i know i havent written - even if just
to feel my fingers tapping against the keyboard for days.
i have answered emails, set up meetings, completed lesson plans, taught classes, run lines, ordered dinner, scoured myspace but no writing. my last attempt was the ending of the week
for that recoloration project. it didnt hit me. the picture that is.
i felt so desensitized that i didnt know what the hell was wrong with me. i miss talking to friends
without having to wonder what next. or am i sharing too much. or am i not sharing enough. my friend's father is dying. and my heart bleeds for him. i know how he cares for his father, but he's the type that wont show any signs of pain until he's brimming over.
i know, and im sorry. that feeling is never easy. how do you console pre-death? the fact that it really isn't ok. and someone is going to leave you. the person that you've had in your life since you knew you had a life - is now passing. how do you tell someone, it's ok.
i dont think you can. i know i can't. when my grandmother passed. all i wanted was to be held. i would break into tears any given moment and it hurt so bad i thought i would lose my breath. but it lessens, the vice grip on your chest. and though when i think of Coco, now. im sad that she isnt here to see amari be Dorothy in her school play, or me running a business without going bankrupt (just yet) or my sister getting married. or my mother finally clean. i know she is watching. i feel that. sometimes, i ask for strength and out of nowhere, hear her "go ahead kiddo" and it gets down. call it over the top. i call it faith. but i wish she were her so i could see her face. touch her cheek. trim her halle berry haircut. hug her again.
and that's life. the regret. the wishes, the take backs, the do overs that never happen. we treat each other like disposable plates, carrying the load until we crack and are then expendable. still, i dont believe all life is that. Coco knew she was loved. even in the tough of it. and im sure his father knows his son is trying to portray the strength his father taught him, growing up.
i wish i could tell him i understand, and that be enough.
a couple of days ago i missed my studio session, because i just couldnt pull it together.
even know. i dont know what i should be doing, but i know i havent written - even if just
to feel my fingers tapping against the keyboard for days.
i have answered emails, set up meetings, completed lesson plans, taught classes, run lines, ordered dinner, scoured myspace but no writing. my last attempt was the ending of the week
for that recoloration project. it didnt hit me. the picture that is.
i felt so desensitized that i didnt know what the hell was wrong with me. i miss talking to friends
without having to wonder what next. or am i sharing too much. or am i not sharing enough. my friend's father is dying. and my heart bleeds for him. i know how he cares for his father, but he's the type that wont show any signs of pain until he's brimming over.
i know, and im sorry. that feeling is never easy. how do you console pre-death? the fact that it really isn't ok. and someone is going to leave you. the person that you've had in your life since you knew you had a life - is now passing. how do you tell someone, it's ok.
i dont think you can. i know i can't. when my grandmother passed. all i wanted was to be held. i would break into tears any given moment and it hurt so bad i thought i would lose my breath. but it lessens, the vice grip on your chest. and though when i think of Coco, now. im sad that she isnt here to see amari be Dorothy in her school play, or me running a business without going bankrupt (just yet) or my sister getting married. or my mother finally clean. i know she is watching. i feel that. sometimes, i ask for strength and out of nowhere, hear her "go ahead kiddo" and it gets down. call it over the top. i call it faith. but i wish she were her so i could see her face. touch her cheek. trim her halle berry haircut. hug her again.
and that's life. the regret. the wishes, the take backs, the do overs that never happen. we treat each other like disposable plates, carrying the load until we crack and are then expendable. still, i dont believe all life is that. Coco knew she was loved. even in the tough of it. and im sure his father knows his son is trying to portray the strength his father taught him, growing up.
i wish i could tell him i understand, and that be enough.
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Monday, December 04, 2006
Pre-ORDER SHEROSHIMA
Get ya copy of my newest album and because its the season for giving, i'll throw in a copy of the UnLadyLike Behaviour - a uk experiement (this is the last pressing of my handmade book of poems. catch it before its too late!)
love you all, see you soon, and if i don't cop this until we meet again
lovelove
*orders mailed out dec 15th!
Sunday, December 03, 2006
Thursday, November 30, 2006
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
all i ever wanted
was some peace.
re-connecting with my mother this past week, has been tremendous on my soul. i haven't had a chance to really digest it all, as the car issues and regular busy life, still runs my every minute. but it's been something.
and it hurts so good.
so how do i find my way home?
where the peace has never truly existed in my family life, but my family's existence was always there. always there. and now. with each of our tree limbs stretched across the globe, i wonder was it ever healthy?
we bickered hard
played hard
ate alot
never wanted for nothing
didnt know death enough to fear it
talked loud
gossiped often
envied little things
admired silently
loved each other regardless
this is what i can remember. cornbread and family reunions. late night card parties and early pancake festivities. sprinkler games and kool-aid fights. i had a beautiful childhood. even though, i hate kool-aid til this day. i refuse to buy it as i was always the one to fill up the pitcher, being young and all. so now, its just juice - soda - and if i buy ice tea mix, i almost NEVER make it.
but it was a good childhood. minus the teenage time. the crashing of the car. the crack addiction. the credit card scams. the bad checks. the crashing of the car into his leg. the jumping at the football field. the solidarity in being wrong. the pain of being right. the first love. the school drop out. the return to high school. the loss of innocence. minus all of that -- it was beautiful and full of colors and scents and laughter and love.
i almost never thought of my father's abscene. well, atleast now, that's what i pretend. and its now -- that i look back and wonder how my mother raised me without allowing me to run her life. without my brother and sister running her personal life into a rut of no return. did we terrorize her friends with questions about blue skies? i am almost certain i did not. except for that one guy. i hated him. but i think i was pretty easy to deal with. and my sis -- well, she terrorized us so im sure her terrorizing my mother's gentleman friends was a given.
i have to remind myself to ask them about it one day.
re-connecting with my mother this past week, has been tremendous on my soul. i haven't had a chance to really digest it all, as the car issues and regular busy life, still runs my every minute. but it's been something.
and it hurts so good.
so how do i find my way home?
where the peace has never truly existed in my family life, but my family's existence was always there. always there. and now. with each of our tree limbs stretched across the globe, i wonder was it ever healthy?
we bickered hard
played hard
ate alot
never wanted for nothing
didnt know death enough to fear it
talked loud
gossiped often
envied little things
admired silently
loved each other regardless
this is what i can remember. cornbread and family reunions. late night card parties and early pancake festivities. sprinkler games and kool-aid fights. i had a beautiful childhood. even though, i hate kool-aid til this day. i refuse to buy it as i was always the one to fill up the pitcher, being young and all. so now, its just juice - soda - and if i buy ice tea mix, i almost NEVER make it.
but it was a good childhood. minus the teenage time. the crashing of the car. the crack addiction. the credit card scams. the bad checks. the crashing of the car into his leg. the jumping at the football field. the solidarity in being wrong. the pain of being right. the first love. the school drop out. the return to high school. the loss of innocence. minus all of that -- it was beautiful and full of colors and scents and laughter and love.
i almost never thought of my father's abscene. well, atleast now, that's what i pretend. and its now -- that i look back and wonder how my mother raised me without allowing me to run her life. without my brother and sister running her personal life into a rut of no return. did we terrorize her friends with questions about blue skies? i am almost certain i did not. except for that one guy. i hated him. but i think i was pretty easy to deal with. and my sis -- well, she terrorized us so im sure her terrorizing my mother's gentleman friends was a given.
i have to remind myself to ask them about it one day.
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
children underground
watching this documentary about romanian kids living in an underground subway
and sniffing aurolac (paint) to get high....
will talk more about it when its done.
know this, it makes you appreciate the small things in life.
and sniffing aurolac (paint) to get high....
will talk more about it when its done.
know this, it makes you appreciate the small things in life.
Thursday, November 23, 2006
new writing, getting lost and North Carolina for 300, Alex
i made it to NC. after 2 hours of traffic in New York and New Jersey, then another hour of traffic in Virginia. i pull over. decide to sleep for 3 hours or so, and make my way back. instead i wake in 2 hours and 40 minutes. ask billy errol why the hot chocolate machine isnt working, use the restroom and make my way *the wrong way* to charlotte.
on my way to miami, it hits me. i missed my turn somewhere! ugh
after my 12 hour driving trip turned into 15 hours, i made it into my brother's rocky driveway.
my newphew ran to greet me and amari at the car and so did my mother. i wasn't so mad anymore.
just tired
no room for that. headed to walmart with maDUKE to get last trimmings for thanksgiving dinner and end of buying my newly single brother, a kitchen set. crap!
where's the coffee?
right here. in my hand. a cup of grande skim white mocha settles my 2 hour shopping experience gone awry mood and im back to getting back. as soon as i get in, i crash in burn on the couch and wait for the spinning room to stop along with the voices. 2 hours later. i dress and head to my brother's surrogate family for thanksgiving dinner.
thanks-killing
what a time of year. to be reminded how christopher columbus sucked all types of ass when killing native americans. so how do i say more gravy to that? i don't, necessarily. my daughter knows the truth. but i also understand, this is the time my family gets together. the one time i tried to boycott thanksgiving, i broke my grandmother's heart. as she was into the gathering of her kin. and so it stands. i am rocking the dinnerware for fam. we have conversations that i know wouldnt happen, simply because life can be that raw. and when you have one - you rarely see those that loved you while you worked around the edges to a smooth new you. do i make a toast? show my thanks to the day? no. i show my thanks to the blood coarsing thru my family name. i appreciate them for all making time that day, and hope they will know from the hug, that i wish it were everyday, we were able to hold each other, like this.
on my way to miami, it hits me. i missed my turn somewhere! ugh
after my 12 hour driving trip turned into 15 hours, i made it into my brother's rocky driveway.
my newphew ran to greet me and amari at the car and so did my mother. i wasn't so mad anymore.
just tired
no room for that. headed to walmart with maDUKE to get last trimmings for thanksgiving dinner and end of buying my newly single brother, a kitchen set. crap!
where's the coffee?
right here. in my hand. a cup of grande skim white mocha settles my 2 hour shopping experience gone awry mood and im back to getting back. as soon as i get in, i crash in burn on the couch and wait for the spinning room to stop along with the voices. 2 hours later. i dress and head to my brother's surrogate family for thanksgiving dinner.
thanks-killing
what a time of year. to be reminded how christopher columbus sucked all types of ass when killing native americans. so how do i say more gravy to that? i don't, necessarily. my daughter knows the truth. but i also understand, this is the time my family gets together. the one time i tried to boycott thanksgiving, i broke my grandmother's heart. as she was into the gathering of her kin. and so it stands. i am rocking the dinnerware for fam. we have conversations that i know wouldnt happen, simply because life can be that raw. and when you have one - you rarely see those that loved you while you worked around the edges to a smooth new you. do i make a toast? show my thanks to the day? no. i show my thanks to the blood coarsing thru my family name. i appreciate them for all making time that day, and hope they will know from the hug, that i wish it were everyday, we were able to hold each other, like this.
Sunday, November 19, 2006
Saturday, November 18, 2006
robmeblind
the car was vandalized
i hate bklyn now
ok, not bklyn
i hate thieves...thatliveinbklyn
they took my john legend
then to make it all perfect
i went to get a cup of coffee so i could feel a lil caffeinated high
and i got a parking ticket!
fuk me
highlight: he got me a cool dvd set
i hate bklyn now
ok, not bklyn
i hate thieves...thatliveinbklyn
they took my john legend
then to make it all perfect
i went to get a cup of coffee so i could feel a lil caffeinated high
and i got a parking ticket!
fuk me
highlight: he got me a cool dvd set
Friday, November 17, 2006
whistle while you work
im excited. alot of things are happening.
great things!
even though the devil sends his spawns to taunt me
lmao
really.
things are well and i feel like i owe you more
than every other tangents!
so here is my week of gigs.
hope to see you.
Nov 18 2006
6:30P
Identity House
Manhattan
Nov 19 2006
12:30P
MISOGYNY & Hip Hop @ Eugene Lang College
Manhattan
Nov 30 2006
8:00P
Poetry Finals @ Queens College
Queens, New York
Dec 5 2006
7:00P
Soul Salsa Revisited: The NUYORICAN OPEN MIC
manhattan
Dec 7 2006
8:00P
Jam PACKED: RAC MCKIBBENS, BRENT SHUTTLEWORTH, MAHOGANY & JIVE
BKLYN
Dec 10 2006
7:30P
NJ Youth Slam
Edison, New Jersey
Dec 19 2006
7:00P
Conversations: Q&A @ The Nuyorican Poets Cafe featuring: Miguel Alagrin
Manhattan, NY
Dec 29 2006
8:00P
Xrossroads Theatre Jive & Mo's SHOW
Denver, Colorado
Dec 30 2006
8:00P
Xrossroads Theatre
Denver, Colorado
Jan 21 2007
8:00P
When Sistas Speak
Toronto
Feb 16 2007
8:00P
JAM ON IT
Manhattan
Mar 17 2007
9:00P
Charlotte Slam
Charlotte, North Carolina
May 1 2007
8:00P
Af-American Hertiage Festival @ OSU
Ohio
great things!
even though the devil sends his spawns to taunt me
lmao
really.
things are well and i feel like i owe you more
than every other tangents!
so here is my week of gigs.
hope to see you.
Nov 18 2006
6:30P
Identity House
Manhattan
Nov 19 2006
12:30P
MISOGYNY & Hip Hop @ Eugene Lang College
Manhattan
Nov 30 2006
8:00P
Poetry Finals @ Queens College
Queens, New York
Dec 5 2006
7:00P
Soul Salsa Revisited: The NUYORICAN OPEN MIC
manhattan
Dec 7 2006
8:00P
Jam PACKED: RAC MCKIBBENS, BRENT SHUTTLEWORTH, MAHOGANY & JIVE
BKLYN
Dec 10 2006
7:30P
NJ Youth Slam
Edison, New Jersey
Dec 19 2006
7:00P
Conversations: Q&A @ The Nuyorican Poets Cafe featuring: Miguel Alagrin
Manhattan, NY
Dec 29 2006
8:00P
Xrossroads Theatre Jive & Mo's SHOW
Denver, Colorado
Dec 30 2006
8:00P
Xrossroads Theatre
Denver, Colorado
Jan 21 2007
8:00P
When Sistas Speak
Toronto
Feb 16 2007
8:00P
JAM ON IT
Manhattan
Mar 17 2007
9:00P
Charlotte Slam
Charlotte, North Carolina
May 1 2007
8:00P
Af-American Hertiage Festival @ OSU
Ohio
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
cleaning house
i am packing my things
ridding the shadows of their webs
and the dust of their mightyness
i am clearing out a new day
today is all about movement. and space and time. and breath control. i have a workspace for my daily business of poetcd and penmanship. i am anxious to see how i look working at a desk again. rather than writing poems on the toilet, in kitchen, in my room flooded with books and cd's and tv staring at me stare at it.
i think this is needed. even in the heightened moment of winter. i think making myself fall into a tighter regiment of scheduling can only help my productivity.
who knows. i could be messing with "god's work".
or maybe, im just fine tuning the god in me
ridding the shadows of their webs
and the dust of their mightyness
i am clearing out a new day
today is all about movement. and space and time. and breath control. i have a workspace for my daily business of poetcd and penmanship. i am anxious to see how i look working at a desk again. rather than writing poems on the toilet, in kitchen, in my room flooded with books and cd's and tv staring at me stare at it.
i think this is needed. even in the heightened moment of winter. i think making myself fall into a tighter regiment of scheduling can only help my productivity.
who knows. i could be messing with "god's work".
or maybe, im just fine tuning the god in me
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
the moments of our making
i probably watch too much tv
but when i don't
i allow people to tell me things
and i dont know if its the journalist in me
or the mother
or both
but i am pretty easy to confide in, i think...
i don't run around gossiping (that's ssooooo 1990)
and i'm pretty honest, to the point of abrasive
brutality... but it is what it is.
and we can't lie to ourselves and expect the world
to act like we aren't just walking around naked
fron'tn like the emperor's clothes really fit.
so i've turned to watching tv. atleast i won't have to
wait up all night to find out if she still has her teeth.
or she's not in labor alone. or she had her locks changed
and he's not standing over her and the kids while they
sleep.
maybe i watch too many scary movies? but i'm sure
real life is way more frightening, which is why i can
be honest about my fear. i don't want another woman
i know to be in pain for the sake of his ego stroke.
i mean, really.
when i featured this saturday at a small spot in bklyn.
i was torn. so much going on in that space that i couldn't
even sit in ease. i was waiting for the other shoe to drop.
the energy was off, no matter the friendly-ness of the host
and it was just unsettling, is all. it was there that i was told
in a joking (but probably honest) manner that people thought
i was too hard on men. (verbatim: "mahogany browne is featuring?
ah man, brother's ain't gonna get to love that night!")
and i was stuck for a second. cause if you know me, you know
i love men. hell - i am in love with one! lol and the last thing
i want anyone to assume is that i'm a male basher. so i started
my set by dedicating the evening to sexual harrassment.
i then continued with , i don't hate men. but i love them enough
to tell them the truth. and that's what it all comes down to.
our revolution will never succeed if we don't even know how
to communicate at home. if we can't even love our mates,
spouses and significant others with the same intensity that
we love a favorite food. season. or hobby.
how are we to feel like we can take on the world
if we fall asleep alone or in strife at home?
but when i don't
i allow people to tell me things
and i dont know if its the journalist in me
or the mother
or both
but i am pretty easy to confide in, i think...
i don't run around gossiping (that's ssooooo 1990)
and i'm pretty honest, to the point of abrasive
brutality... but it is what it is.
and we can't lie to ourselves and expect the world
to act like we aren't just walking around naked
fron'tn like the emperor's clothes really fit.
so i've turned to watching tv. atleast i won't have to
wait up all night to find out if she still has her teeth.
or she's not in labor alone. or she had her locks changed
and he's not standing over her and the kids while they
sleep.
maybe i watch too many scary movies? but i'm sure
real life is way more frightening, which is why i can
be honest about my fear. i don't want another woman
i know to be in pain for the sake of his ego stroke.
i mean, really.
when i featured this saturday at a small spot in bklyn.
i was torn. so much going on in that space that i couldn't
even sit in ease. i was waiting for the other shoe to drop.
the energy was off, no matter the friendly-ness of the host
and it was just unsettling, is all. it was there that i was told
in a joking (but probably honest) manner that people thought
i was too hard on men. (verbatim: "mahogany browne is featuring?
ah man, brother's ain't gonna get to love that night!")
and i was stuck for a second. cause if you know me, you know
i love men. hell - i am in love with one! lol and the last thing
i want anyone to assume is that i'm a male basher. so i started
my set by dedicating the evening to sexual harrassment.
i then continued with , i don't hate men. but i love them enough
to tell them the truth. and that's what it all comes down to.
our revolution will never succeed if we don't even know how
to communicate at home. if we can't even love our mates,
spouses and significant others with the same intensity that
we love a favorite food. season. or hobby.
how are we to feel like we can take on the world
if we fall asleep alone or in strife at home?
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