brushed my teeth.
clean the bathroom.
made some cereal. (raisin bran, i'm on that lose 10 pounds kick for this other weight shift)
opened my laptop.
checked my email.
spoonful of raisins in my mouth.
checked my myspace.
1hr later... i'm like damn resolutions!
i have found everyone on there. its so freaky. but its definitely the car wreck that i can't look away from. found old writing comrade Miles Marshall Lewis... or he found me. either way, glad to see he up and moved to PARIS (how jealous am i)? and is writing a montly column about his experiences! the writer's life, huh?
also checking out an oakland native, ms danyel smith. she has a cool blog - though i wish she would update it more - i think it's helpful that she does it every now and again, otherwise - i'd be so addicted i probably wouldnt even get to myspace! lol
relent came thru to the nuyo last nite. i wonder what he thought of the situation - as he left early. his girlfriend tina is so nice. im not sure if NYC is worthy of friendly people sometimes. she had some horror stories which reminded me of my past NYC scares including:
- young man in blue neon car follows me from the train station and asks for my number. it's 3 in the morning so i decline even participating in the conversation. he gets upset. yells "stuck up bitches get raped, ya know" and tosses back "i'll be back" before the car speeds off.
- walking from the movie theatre (alone) after taking myself on a date (what? i do that, YO). just finished watching crash and rize - needless to say, i'm excited. i'm checking my voicemail as i just sat thru 4 hours of movie and know somebody has something to say when i pass a transient smelling like urine and holding a lit cigarette. he is mumbling to himself, but this is NYC - who doesn't mumble to themselves? i'm almost past him when he lurches at me yelling non-distinguishable-ness and pushing his cigarette towards my face - flame first. i flip into oakland mode. try to beat him with my phone, before he scurries away whimpering like I WAS THE ONE that started some shyt.
- first date gone awry. the young man says "you forget i know where you live" when i dont return his call.
the list of events goes on. this is why the fear never subsides. why walking down any street in America is hard for women. why i am raising my daughter to kick pull scream for her breath - because she is a womanchild. she will too have to feel this fear for herself. she will have to know what it feels like to have your pulse quicken at the sound of "psst". you never know if they are just being friendly or are on a time clock ticker of destruction. aim of target: weak woman. helpless woman. strong woman. bytstander, woman. sole woman. woman
i've got to pull myself together. these discussions only pull me deeper into the NOW of what am i going to do when reality comes charging for my daughter's blood. but she will not be sacrificed. i've run fearfully long enough for the both of us.
bklyn stand up