ran out of books. i have an incredible show at the battersea art centre. must get BOOKS. so - i've created a simple perfect bind UK edition book called Un-Lady-Like. thanks to the printers below my hostess' apartment.
so - i have books. only printing up a couple of hundred. and if you are nice, you can get one too - even though you walk with the swagger of an american! :)
Monday, October 31, 2005
Sunday, October 30, 2005
the signs
they are everywhere.
in german, in english
i made it to frankfurt. just to transfer an hour later to britan.
it was warmer than i expected.
i have a show tonite. a couple of workshops during the week.
then another show before i return home.
he is waiting for me.
she is waiting for me.
i miss them already
in german, in english
i made it to frankfurt. just to transfer an hour later to britan.
it was warmer than i expected.
i have a show tonite. a couple of workshops during the week.
then another show before i return home.
he is waiting for me.
she is waiting for me.
i miss them already
Thursday, October 27, 2005
married men edition (part II)
married men edition (part II)
i learned my lesson with the other one. started to check ring fingers like a whore checks pub's for lesions. i know. disgusting. but i was that determined. anyhow. i am performing moreso than before, because this was the time that the HBO started to inquire about the Punany Collective and being that I was in charge of publicity and promotions, we had a hectic schedule. anyway, i was busy - is the point. and performing ALOT. and it was during this time that a new drummer was assigned to the house band at my absolute favorite oakland open mic.
now the drummer before was an ass. bless his cheating heart. but this new drummer was really cute. with glasses and always a baseball hat. the difference between him and i was -- he was a classmate of my favorite aunt's. which was odd - cause he didn't look old. that said. i paid him no mind. thought he was adorable in a shy-type of way, but nothing more.
then one day, he tells me he has a crush on me. and the next thing i know - he wants to help me with my album. and im all down for that, considering free sounds good when it comes outta anyone's mouth. but i never let it get any further than that. hell, he was married and i wasn't going to hell for anybody.
weeks passed and he made it a ritual to come by the magazine office where i worked, and bring me a cup of hot chocolate. which was adorable. like him. still nothing on my part. i was as good as good could be. then he started calling me. which was fine. because we mainly talked about the album. then one day i paged him to say i wouldn't be in the office but we could me, at the office, at a later date.
maybe a day later, i get a page from his phone number. i return the call and his wife answers. now i've heard stories about his wife. taking advantage of his kind heart, marrying him so he could care for her two kids. all NONE of my business. so i greeted her like i would any other woman. with mutual respect. but she wasn't having that. she asked me what i wanted with her husband - and i told her (not that he had a crush on me) but that we were working on a project together. she then asked if there was anything else going on. i said no. she replied "well he wont be rendering his services to you anymore. so you can lose this number".
now im looking at the phone. and i lost it - momentarily. i replied "that has nothing to do with me. you need to talk to your husband." and i hung up. later i get a call from him and he's apologetic but also upset because she knows that he has been bringing me hot chocolate. i laughed. i didn't mean to. but im like - that's stupid. obviously, it wasn't. she arrived at my favorite spot that following tuesday, which also happened to be my birthday. obviously to scope out who the hell this hot chocolate stealing chick was!? and by this time, im upset. because its my birthday, i didnt do ANYTHING and im spoiled.
so after receiving an overwhelming number of birthday drinks, i wobble up on stage, pumps clicking the floor with purpose and i pose in front of the mic. he is sitting behind the drums and he looks at me sheepishly. before doing a special drum kick on that damn instrument. she is sitting in front of the men's bathroom which is also in adjacent to him.
her eyes are bulging and she's obviously heated. he still has his eyes on me. and i watch them both watch me for what seems like eternity.
then she does the inevitable. she rolls her eyes at me. like all her muscles had practiced the technique for 30 some odd years for just THIS occassion. i laugh. look at my table (which holds two of my aunts and my good friend) and i start the same poem that i wrote about mr adultery #1. this poem talks about him having a wife, it not my fault and what we can do regardless of her. it's a bad ass piece. definitely fantasy. but i rock it like a house breaking heffer and leave the crowd on their feet (it's oakland. they love raunchy ish - what can i say?). and to top it off. mr drummer man says YOU GO GIRL. THAT GIRL IS BAD. GOD BLESS HER GOD. and everything else to show his appreciation for the poem. while he slaps hi-fives across his wife's head and leans back in glee. she storms out.
obviously pissed. and i sit down. still high from the birthday drinks, but definitely feeling like i lost something in the exchange.
the next day i get a call from mr drummer. and he asks if he can come see me. says he has hot chocolate for me. i remind him what his wife said about his services, being rendered and all. he then invites me to the hot tubs (which is like a bath tub with luke warm water and benches covered in sweat and quicky stains). i decline. suggest he take his wife to the hot tubs. hang up the phone and head to the corner store for an extra large cup of my own hot chocolate.
i learned my lesson with the other one. started to check ring fingers like a whore checks pub's for lesions. i know. disgusting. but i was that determined. anyhow. i am performing moreso than before, because this was the time that the HBO started to inquire about the Punany Collective and being that I was in charge of publicity and promotions, we had a hectic schedule. anyway, i was busy - is the point. and performing ALOT. and it was during this time that a new drummer was assigned to the house band at my absolute favorite oakland open mic.
now the drummer before was an ass. bless his cheating heart. but this new drummer was really cute. with glasses and always a baseball hat. the difference between him and i was -- he was a classmate of my favorite aunt's. which was odd - cause he didn't look old. that said. i paid him no mind. thought he was adorable in a shy-type of way, but nothing more.
then one day, he tells me he has a crush on me. and the next thing i know - he wants to help me with my album. and im all down for that, considering free sounds good when it comes outta anyone's mouth. but i never let it get any further than that. hell, he was married and i wasn't going to hell for anybody.
weeks passed and he made it a ritual to come by the magazine office where i worked, and bring me a cup of hot chocolate. which was adorable. like him. still nothing on my part. i was as good as good could be. then he started calling me. which was fine. because we mainly talked about the album. then one day i paged him to say i wouldn't be in the office but we could me, at the office, at a later date.
maybe a day later, i get a page from his phone number. i return the call and his wife answers. now i've heard stories about his wife. taking advantage of his kind heart, marrying him so he could care for her two kids. all NONE of my business. so i greeted her like i would any other woman. with mutual respect. but she wasn't having that. she asked me what i wanted with her husband - and i told her (not that he had a crush on me) but that we were working on a project together. she then asked if there was anything else going on. i said no. she replied "well he wont be rendering his services to you anymore. so you can lose this number".
now im looking at the phone. and i lost it - momentarily. i replied "that has nothing to do with me. you need to talk to your husband." and i hung up. later i get a call from him and he's apologetic but also upset because she knows that he has been bringing me hot chocolate. i laughed. i didn't mean to. but im like - that's stupid. obviously, it wasn't. she arrived at my favorite spot that following tuesday, which also happened to be my birthday. obviously to scope out who the hell this hot chocolate stealing chick was!? and by this time, im upset. because its my birthday, i didnt do ANYTHING and im spoiled.
so after receiving an overwhelming number of birthday drinks, i wobble up on stage, pumps clicking the floor with purpose and i pose in front of the mic. he is sitting behind the drums and he looks at me sheepishly. before doing a special drum kick on that damn instrument. she is sitting in front of the men's bathroom which is also in adjacent to him.
her eyes are bulging and she's obviously heated. he still has his eyes on me. and i watch them both watch me for what seems like eternity.
then she does the inevitable. she rolls her eyes at me. like all her muscles had practiced the technique for 30 some odd years for just THIS occassion. i laugh. look at my table (which holds two of my aunts and my good friend) and i start the same poem that i wrote about mr adultery #1. this poem talks about him having a wife, it not my fault and what we can do regardless of her. it's a bad ass piece. definitely fantasy. but i rock it like a house breaking heffer and leave the crowd on their feet (it's oakland. they love raunchy ish - what can i say?). and to top it off. mr drummer man says YOU GO GIRL. THAT GIRL IS BAD. GOD BLESS HER GOD. and everything else to show his appreciation for the poem. while he slaps hi-fives across his wife's head and leans back in glee. she storms out.
obviously pissed. and i sit down. still high from the birthday drinks, but definitely feeling like i lost something in the exchange.
the next day i get a call from mr drummer. and he asks if he can come see me. says he has hot chocolate for me. i remind him what his wife said about his services, being rendered and all. he then invites me to the hot tubs (which is like a bath tub with luke warm water and benches covered in sweat and quicky stains). i decline. suggest he take his wife to the hot tubs. hang up the phone and head to the corner store for an extra large cup of my own hot chocolate.
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
crazy day
books to be read and in my possession:
house on mango street (thanks marie - she turned me on to that one!)
addicted (esther talked me into this one too)
dread (just came in the mail...i think im love)
nappy edges (lik nostaglia for dat ass)
and autograph man...
oh yea. still reading ali smith's free love joint.
hosting tonite @ the nuyo
working between the chaotic spaces of my life
in a minute
house on mango street (thanks marie - she turned me on to that one!)
addicted (esther talked me into this one too)
dread (just came in the mail...i think im love)
nappy edges (lik nostaglia for dat ass)
and autograph man...
oh yea. still reading ali smith's free love joint.
hosting tonite @ the nuyo
working between the chaotic spaces of my life
in a minute
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
married man edition
the first married man i fell for looked like a GOD to me. his body held these muscles like tote bags and his dreads were perfect.
i didnt know he was married.
not when i let him stroke my breasts.
nibble my neck.
i thought i was lucky. finally out of a relationship with a man that hated anything positive about the direction of my career. he'd rather see me down and out with nothing and no one to call my own but HIM. but that's so far away from the topic at hand.
that said, here i sat under the glory of this gorgeous man. i was flattered. and open. and all the other things you feel when someone really beautiful finds interest in you. at first, it was in passing. we worked together, sorta. so i saw him during those hours only. which was night time club action as we acted as promoters for various record labels. it never crossed my mind that he was married.
didnt even notice the ring.
call it naivete. i was just 22. brand new to this dating thing. but after the first kiss. after the sexy phone calls. after the invitation to a hotel bed. i found out he was very married. like -- a newlywed. less than a year under his belt as a married man and he was already sweating fresh meat. i was shocked.
still enthralled - don't get me wrong.
but definitely shocked! i thought, maybe she tricked him? she didn't really want to get married but she's pregnant and he had to do the right thing. not that, that would be a reason - but i was smitten. and needed justification for my crush's ill behavior.
he replied with little to no breath between the words. "i love her to death. we've known each other forever. i guess i ain't ready to be married."
i was dumbfounded.
my heart dropped. i believed in karma. and with my heart recovering from the same heartbreak that he was about to administer to his wife - i bowed out. not so graceful, i admit. i found myself plastered one evening reading sex poems on stage with him in the crowd. and i imagined just him and i. and i didnt care who saw. i guess it was my release. my way of letting go - before i let anything else go further.
i just couldnt do that to her. i didnt even know her. but she was me. and i felt it. like my soul would shatter if i slept with him. if i continued lying to myself and allowing him to lie to her.
so when he called again. i wouldn't take his calls. when business arose and we had to work together - if i couldn't trade the shift with another promoter - i would leave no room for words. hands on flesh. temptation.
he introduced us in a chance meeting. it was awkard for us - but she was sweet. and as beautiful as i suspected. and more friendly than any woman i've ever met. we became friendly acquaintances. she deserved so much more.
i never told her what happened. i didnt know how to fix the words. i mean who would she believe? this woman -- or her husband? i didn't know how to fix something that i didn't break - atleast not willingly. and gave her the only thing that i knew how - peace of mind. i never spoke to him again.
i didnt know he was married.
not when i let him stroke my breasts.
nibble my neck.
i thought i was lucky. finally out of a relationship with a man that hated anything positive about the direction of my career. he'd rather see me down and out with nothing and no one to call my own but HIM. but that's so far away from the topic at hand.
that said, here i sat under the glory of this gorgeous man. i was flattered. and open. and all the other things you feel when someone really beautiful finds interest in you. at first, it was in passing. we worked together, sorta. so i saw him during those hours only. which was night time club action as we acted as promoters for various record labels. it never crossed my mind that he was married.
didnt even notice the ring.
call it naivete. i was just 22. brand new to this dating thing. but after the first kiss. after the sexy phone calls. after the invitation to a hotel bed. i found out he was very married. like -- a newlywed. less than a year under his belt as a married man and he was already sweating fresh meat. i was shocked.
still enthralled - don't get me wrong.
but definitely shocked! i thought, maybe she tricked him? she didn't really want to get married but she's pregnant and he had to do the right thing. not that, that would be a reason - but i was smitten. and needed justification for my crush's ill behavior.
he replied with little to no breath between the words. "i love her to death. we've known each other forever. i guess i ain't ready to be married."
i was dumbfounded.
my heart dropped. i believed in karma. and with my heart recovering from the same heartbreak that he was about to administer to his wife - i bowed out. not so graceful, i admit. i found myself plastered one evening reading sex poems on stage with him in the crowd. and i imagined just him and i. and i didnt care who saw. i guess it was my release. my way of letting go - before i let anything else go further.
i just couldnt do that to her. i didnt even know her. but she was me. and i felt it. like my soul would shatter if i slept with him. if i continued lying to myself and allowing him to lie to her.
so when he called again. i wouldn't take his calls. when business arose and we had to work together - if i couldn't trade the shift with another promoter - i would leave no room for words. hands on flesh. temptation.
he introduced us in a chance meeting. it was awkard for us - but she was sweet. and as beautiful as i suspected. and more friendly than any woman i've ever met. we became friendly acquaintances. she deserved so much more.
i never told her what happened. i didnt know how to fix the words. i mean who would she believe? this woman -- or her husband? i didn't know how to fix something that i didn't break - atleast not willingly. and gave her the only thing that i knew how - peace of mind. i never spoke to him again.
Monday, October 24, 2005
jam on it
shows on friday @ montclair state university
and saturday @ sarah lawrence college
gotta prep for that ish... fa real
and saturday @ sarah lawrence college
gotta prep for that ish... fa real
Saturday, October 22, 2005
today
we picked up amari's costume and more ingredients for the
turkey chili that i make from scratch. yes. me.
he likes it.
very odd, as i only cook fried fish, fried chicken and shrimp scampi
good to finally have another house favorite.
ugly rainy day. reminds me of london
will be back there next saturday.
just for a show with A&S.
then back home in time to promote for the new JAM ON IT: NOV 18th.
wassup?
www.jamonitpoetry.com
turkey chili that i make from scratch. yes. me.
he likes it.
very odd, as i only cook fried fish, fried chicken and shrimp scampi
good to finally have another house favorite.
ugly rainy day. reminds me of london
will be back there next saturday.
just for a show with A&S.
then back home in time to promote for the new JAM ON IT: NOV 18th.
wassup?
www.jamonitpoetry.com
Friday, October 21, 2005
friday...
car brakes are dead
crystal senter brown's cd release is tonite
amari is running around singin' the steve wonder version of "happy birthday"
my day has just begun and its already 6pm
crystal senter brown's cd release is tonite
amari is running around singin' the steve wonder version of "happy birthday"
my day has just begun and its already 6pm
Thursday, October 20, 2005
things fall apart
sent flowers
the funeral is tomorrow.
i found a picture of him when we were so young
my grandmother is a soldier
she took a chance
told me about my other cousins
it makes me so sad. i can't think without wondering how the hell did we get this way.
the funeral is tomorrow.
i found a picture of him when we were so young
my grandmother is a soldier
she took a chance
told me about my other cousins
it makes me so sad. i can't think without wondering how the hell did we get this way.
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
death is amongst us -- like a poem. but not.
so i finally talked to my grandmother.
and the story is fukn disgusting.
and so normal for young black men in my hometown,
to experience a death this brutal.
for jimani...
my cousin is dead. period.
his lifestyle was an occupational hazard.
it says so in the handbook.
unfortunately, there are no rules to follow
when telling his 5 kids that daddy is gone.
and how to we find the words to tell his eldest
son, that was shot as well during this shooting;
who watched his father's body fall filled with lead
and less breath than when he woke up that morning;
how do we tell them?
his wife is a widow.
his son will have to look in the mirror
and study the wound that presented itself
the same day his father departed.
his daughter's will walk wedding aisles without him.
they have red hair, a trait unrecognizable to our family
and adored by him. it was as if they had gold woven thru
their tresses. he is gone. no longer able to give them
piggy back rides. or rap them songs about his dreams
as an artist.
my cousin was an artist. he had the lyrical dexterity of
a great emcee. he was disguised as a hot boy.
caught between doing what everyone thought he
should do - and what he knew best.
he was taken from a family that loved him
before weddings and highschool graduations.
before weddings and grandkids.
before his time...
before this all made sense
before anyone could grab a handle on peace of mind.
and the story is fukn disgusting.
and so normal for young black men in my hometown,
to experience a death this brutal.
for jimani...
my cousin is dead. period.
his lifestyle was an occupational hazard.
it says so in the handbook.
unfortunately, there are no rules to follow
when telling his 5 kids that daddy is gone.
and how to we find the words to tell his eldest
son, that was shot as well during this shooting;
who watched his father's body fall filled with lead
and less breath than when he woke up that morning;
how do we tell them?
his wife is a widow.
his son will have to look in the mirror
and study the wound that presented itself
the same day his father departed.
his daughter's will walk wedding aisles without him.
they have red hair, a trait unrecognizable to our family
and adored by him. it was as if they had gold woven thru
their tresses. he is gone. no longer able to give them
piggy back rides. or rap them songs about his dreams
as an artist.
my cousin was an artist. he had the lyrical dexterity of
a great emcee. he was disguised as a hot boy.
caught between doing what everyone thought he
should do - and what he knew best.
he was taken from a family that loved him
before weddings and highschool graduations.
before weddings and grandkids.
before his time...
before this all made sense
before anyone could grab a handle on peace of mind.
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
jimani
died two days ago. he was shot to death. he is the father of 5 kids. he was a budding rap artist disguised as a hot boy. he is my cousin.
young at heart, eh?
| You Are 24 Years Old |
 Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax. |
Monday, October 17, 2005
biggest misconceptions about Mo
#1
that i'm some tough ass cookie that doesn't like the softer things in life. i love kisses, compliments, hugs, honesty, emails, books, music and friends.
#2
that nothing fazes me. i'm actually really sensitive. and almost always nervous (especially before i perform on stage) and when i leave my daughter to perform.
#3
that i don't accept help, suggestions or criticism well. i appreciate all of the above. i dont believe i am superwoman, and even when i play her (on occassion) i most certainly am open to all the help i can get.
that i'm some tough ass cookie that doesn't like the softer things in life. i love kisses, compliments, hugs, honesty, emails, books, music and friends.
#2
that nothing fazes me. i'm actually really sensitive. and almost always nervous (especially before i perform on stage) and when i leave my daughter to perform.
#3
that i don't accept help, suggestions or criticism well. i appreciate all of the above. i dont believe i am superwoman, and even when i play her (on occassion) i most certainly am open to all the help i can get.
meme time!
Finish these statements:
I wish somebody would...
Sex is best when...
I love to be...
I would smack you down if...
I'm so ashamed of...
I knew it was love when...
I'd be a better person if I...
Given one more chance, I'd...
I would melt if...
I'm at my best when...
my answers
I wish somebody would...give me a better house. or atleast the opportunity to live in a better house. so we could have a dog. and heat whenever we felt like it.
Sex is best when...you love the person. and have some handcuffs, candle wax, ice water and the like to prove it.
I love to be...kissed. and i adore it when someone acts as enamored of me as i am of them.
I would smack you down if...harmed my child or tried to fuk with my life.
I'm so ashamed of...being so stubborn.
I knew it was love when...he said that was great! good job! and you are one of the smartest woman i know. he held out my chair. i think i fell in love everytime he did something so beautiful and unselfish.
I'd be a better person if I...could learn to forgive and let the small stuff just be the small stuff.
Given one more chance, I'd...tell my grandmother i loved her.
I would melt if...he asked me... ...to move with him to Paris
I'm at my best when...i'm writing.
I wish somebody would...
Sex is best when...
I love to be...
I would smack you down if...
I'm so ashamed of...
I knew it was love when...
I'd be a better person if I...
Given one more chance, I'd...
I would melt if...
I'm at my best when...
my answers
I wish somebody would...give me a better house. or atleast the opportunity to live in a better house. so we could have a dog. and heat whenever we felt like it.
Sex is best when...you love the person. and have some handcuffs, candle wax, ice water and the like to prove it.
I love to be...kissed. and i adore it when someone acts as enamored of me as i am of them.
I would smack you down if...harmed my child or tried to fuk with my life.
I'm so ashamed of...being so stubborn.
I knew it was love when...he said that was great! good job! and you are one of the smartest woman i know. he held out my chair. i think i fell in love everytime he did something so beautiful and unselfish.
I'd be a better person if I...could learn to forgive and let the small stuff just be the small stuff.
Given one more chance, I'd...tell my grandmother i loved her.
I would melt if...he asked me... ...to move with him to Paris
I'm at my best when...i'm writing.
ok...
surfing the channels. and i found this new cable network called LOGO. its all about gay lifestyles. they have an animal series about homosexual behavior that animals practice - even when the opposite sex is present (i.e., baboons,).
im quite intrigued...
im quite intrigued...
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