the watcher (WIP)

i know you are watching
me swollen with happiness
and life after you is just as bright
and clear and fufilling and definite
as your tears
and your goodbye

lies taste like chicken
makes me want to turn vegan
but the bone attached to the meat is inticing
and i need reasons to scribe depression

i know your fingers
trace and re-trace alphabets
while ring and index tip toe across keyboards
like tap dancers

i am certain
you will never find an answer
you will never stop for air
this act is your medication
psychotic behavior is much scarier
in person

you've started a ritual
swirling ideas inside your dome
allowing dillusions to shape your reality
color me badd and you beautiful
its easier and predictable
since you have lost the desire to change

you have stopped searching sunrises
for theories
stopped cleaning shoes with polish
stopped washing dishes while meditating
stopped reading novels to spark ideas
you have settled
became your own worst enemy
a creative ball of insecurity, teeth
and shifty glances

this must be
how mountains of salt feel
after looking back