Thursday, December 08, 2005

the small spaces: pics that remind me

this is when i have a break thru. this moment right here. where im looking thru the pictures that i've taken while touring and meeting people. pictures i've taken during holiday. or pictures i've taken to freeze that moment of absolute beauty and happiness for a moment when i needed to see it most.

i am fighting this. the fear of feeling undeserving. the fear of history repeating itself. it all brims over. like too much coffee. and mind you, i havent had any coffee this morning. so i'm very clear about my position.

i am blessed. and in love and loved. and i know it. those days when the winter creeps up on me and attaches itself to my back, are hard. but not as hard as it could be if i were really alone. if my sister and my grandmother and my aunt and my man didn't love me as much as they do -- if i didn't have them, i know i wouldn't have this life that allows me to write and live and be.

this is where i find my fears laying quietly. hoping i dont find the smiles and memories that remind me how blessed i am. hoping that i dont ask it to leave, permanently. it likes to hold me too. but i've no hands for that type of love. and the energy it takes to feel so vunerable is tasking - so i renige. take back my happiness and walk away in the sunset like an old country and western flick.

3 comments:

joey said...

ma! these are beautiful!! most taken at b's spot too! thanks for that warm fuzzy feeling that def chases those damned fears away...wow.
have i told you how your words are just what the doctor ordered on most days?
"this is where i find my fears laying quietly. hoping i dont find the smiles and memories that remind me how blessed i am... it likes to hold me too. "
i'm workin' on the walk into the sunset sister...workin' on it...

Mahogany L. Browne said...

glad you like the pics sweetie! they definitely make me feel better ever time i see them! talk to you soon and dust ya shoulders off. it's definitely a work in progress for me :)

thir13teenandtheysayitain'tlucky said...

Sometimes in those old shows, when the (s)hero walks off into the sunset, there is a horse, a holster with a weapon, and while it seldom occurs, somnetimes someone runs off into the sunset behind them.... If I have to be the horse, (SIGH) I will, (i'm from Texas and I am scared shytless of horses... so I would rather be the holster or the person running behind you.. What I'm trying to say is i love you sis... I am soooooo very grateful for the friendship and the words.. I hope one day soon we will be looking back at this and laughing our asses off... 'cuz you know I got about fifteen stories to tell ya to take your mind off it for a minute, and yes, someone else is always the butt of the tail. (tale)...
love ya like a cold Heineken in the Texas Heat.....
thir13teen