today i realized

the air is not as pure as it seems

neither are her best wishes

the smell of tomorrow is lacking

the flavor that today promised

i watch babies bury their faces into water

splashing dreams like it's been forever

since they smiled this big, until the next time --

they will smile that big

and i will be watching

rubbing my growing stomach

and pain striken heart like a globe

he called me goddess. said i was beautiful

enough to propose via wires never touching

my browning brown before

i almost believed him -- til i thought of

this life

this now

this...this

this inexplicable pulse fighting my thighs to pry apart for want

this hurried feeling of life soaring out my mouth spreading my tongue like wildfire to brush

this something. so unimaginable until the minutes stop passing so quickly

and all i can think is this ... this

makes me feel

makes me

feel

something

*******

that is the everything that happened this weekend. the crazy email proposal i got. the trip to the theme park with my daughter and her friend for spring break. the welcome home hug. the turning of three decades.