i dunnnoooo...

life is so funny. just when you thought you had an idea - it spins around on its axis and kicks ya.
tells you in a grunt "you dont know shyt!" feelin' like the cosmos played a trick on me.
not particuraly worried about the stumbles...just waiting for it all to work out. that's how my life works.
a lot of turbulence and then smooth sailing -- just in case i wanted to take it for granted.
i never do. well. atleast i try not to.

amari has a slumber party this weekend with mikaila and piper and a couple of other young'ns. we look forward to the evening off! hell, we were trying to fly away for the weekend! lol -- think we goin' hold it down brooklyn style. wait for memorial day weekend to feel the sand under our bottoms and sea salt in our nose. yea, that sounds nice.

i owe amari a trip to a rollercoaster park. gonna take her with my neice and nephew during august. when she returns from cali... have to get her back on track before school hits - cause then its the petal to the metal! again///

j and i are recording with poison pen, my lil brother tonite. have something special for his new album the GOON. look out for us poets gone wild -- the AUDIO version! lol until then...

lets meet where it began where it will end when we meet

m

its been a long time...

i shouldnt have left you -- i know... rakim said it best.

these past couple of days have been straight chaos... i apologize for the delayed response. anyone who knows me - knows that i try to keep it daily... but life be happenin' nahmeen?

let's go back, shall we (choreopoem style, of course)...

fri:
i lie in his arms after braiding baby's hair
waiting for clock to ring me farewell
my flight left first thing in the morning
but his hands resisted my absence
i will be back - i whispered... headed to JFK
airport
limped triumphantly to the terminal
and was whisked away like the DIVA i am :)

once i landed in California, 6 hours later
my ankle throbbed with a dull pain
but my heart ached for the air
driving 3 hours to Cal Poly
i was rewarded by hillside pictures and
warm sun massages i pulled into the
hotel lot.
found myself swallowed by thick
cotton sheets and smiled.
performed with buddy wakefield
and found my religion
it was wrapped inside the heart
of this 30-something year young
white man
blue eyes swirling my insecurties like
cotton candy
making them more beautiful for their
flaws
we shared a feast Mark, Jack, Ray and friends
laughed about life
before i was rescued by those welcoming sheets
and his voice in my dreams

sat:
woke up early...damn new york time difference
crunched stomach pains away
ate fruit bowls for breakfast
lounged on patio furniture
admiring green hillsides
like men love back sides
fell down a rabbit hole
tumbled into Cal Poly's leadership conference
and almost forgot to blink
inspired by James' community etnic intiative
(based in my high school hometown!)
viewed seattle's own grad student
break down the architecture of urban planning
and problem with WALMART
before we performed
i made mark cry
then
buddy made me cry...again
a mural exercise colored my need
black and with brown hues and yellow highlight
traced it with orange
stayed there

broke bread with Chanice (new feminist writer & ethnics instructor of cal poly)
shared ice cream (courtesy of james and mark)
laughed over everything in a warm lair
and hugged my new life lines goodbye... for now

sun:
home
finally...
kissed my daughter's sleeping face
tugged at her cheeks with my thumbs
smelled the soap in her hair
thanked god for her greatness

climbed into our bed
smelled the soap on his skin
thanked him with kisses for his greatness
thanked god for him in my life
sealed our night with winks
and laughs
retold the tale of days past
listened to his breathing pattern
pacing is important
i've learned this -- lovingly

mon:
no sleep
none
not really
ok a little
taught a class in brooklyn
another in bedstuy
rocked with slaughter and jive like rock stars
we are just that
get over it
taught another class in the city
topped with fruit stands and long lines
designer stores and rip off boutiques
pulsating with authority

we slam tonite. its the finals for the 13 team
anticipation can be treacherous
just like deception...
5 rounds of full fire
poetry poring out of our pores
and we danced in the light
togther as one...
kissed the heavens for for Carlos' & Jive's
induction into the 2005 team
there is a GOD

so there ya have it... we have spent this morning at the hospital getting my stitches removed. shared breakfast in brooklyn's hottest diner and now, i want to sleep in his arms before the school bell rings///

i believe...

i will inherit the wind... today is beautiful and i haven't even stepped out of my door yet. i will get out. go see the city, maybe catch a movie. get some rest before my trip to CALI tomorrow... i have a show with buddy wakefield (individual world slam champ 2004) - he's incredible! give you the skinny on more shows later.

live from a cloud in brooklyn

my my my...

lil johnny gill for the grown and sexy... :)

i'm so enamored ya'll. life is good. and my grandmother must be working out them angel wings, with GODs blessing of course. i have finished the touches on destroy... and even been blessed with a foreward by the great Patricia Smith. she amazes me on so many levels. the fact she allows her group to bond with her after class over glasses of fruit medley (me), vodka tonic (erika), wine (her), scotch (ed) and martini's (hallie) anything with liquor in the title (roger) astounds me over and over and over again...

stop jocking, you say? yea, whateva! go get inspired and watch how your eyes roll. it's infectious. this happiness. you want some? come see me slam on monday in the Bar 13 Louderarts finals... it's gonna be fun. but i definitely think i will be going with the team i made first, Central NJ. that's wit big mike, kasim, jivepoetic, myself and shadowkat. but i will make myself have fun. samantha ra and i will probably sit back gigglin' like school girls and things will be as it should. special.

my thoughts on who will make the team this year? carlos gomez, roger, tai, rac & mike cirelli... favorites: jivepoetic (of coursee). we'll see. cause if anybody knows the spirit of the slam -- you know that shyt is never a GIVEN!

live from bedstuy (BK for you cats dat don't know)!

m

for my girls headed to college: aja, sasha & hollise 1st Draft

Because it will always be worth it
the struggle hurt & sweat
will make sense, soon enough
You are of warrior silk
Beautiful and brilliant
You are sun smiling through young eyes
a disguise -- your soul has been here before
weather the cold days and new york nights
prepare for the after life
filled with collegiate theories and memories
of words
fallen from revolutionary lips generation -- now
reflective of life
and you will love it
like we love you
the mothers of baby girl’s
birthed with obligation on tongue
and firey spirit
we’ve filled your bellies with
wisdom and strength
nursed dreams of leadership through breast feeding
twisted ideas of an uprising into your curls
pinched cheeks and planted smiles in soil
seeming unfertile
this is your time to build bridges of trust
like grapevines and giants
be bigger than our mistakes
wipe sweat, blood and uncertainty from your brow
know our smiles exist because of you

interview ques for:

wordwoman:
1) do you believe in heaven and hell?
2) where did you grow up and how has that affected your socialization skills?
3) what do you do for a living -- how different is that from what you dreamt of being?
4) what is your biggest pet peeve?
5) name your biggest crush & where are they now?

que:
1) if you could come back in a different era, when and why?
2) the worst poem you ever read/heard & why?
3) top 3 rules you want your daughter to abide by?
4) what are the best and worst things about St. Louis?
5) do you believe in the death penalty?

scatterbrane:
1) what insires you to write?
2) what do you look for in a mate?
3) what is your dream career?
4) who is sun tzu?
5) if you were a woman, what would you fear the most?

know13:
1) what is your biggest fear?
2) who is your favorite writer/poet and why?
3) what is the best revenge?
4) what is more important to you as woman and why?
5) how can a man impress you?

amanda:
1) if you could do anything over again, what would it be?
2) what would you tell r.kelly if you had him tied up in a room?
3) what is your worst characteristic?
4) what writer/poet would you say your style came from?
5) when did you know you were in love with your husband?


rich:
1) what is the mission statement of acentos and how is that important to the poetry community as a whole?
2) what would you consider the body of poetry?
3) when do you know you are in love?
4) if you could marry a poet (dead or alive) which one would it be & why?
5) how do you let go?

the top 5 cities that i should reside...says the survey

>

American Cities That Best Fit You:

60% Atlanta

60% Honolulu

55% Austin

55% Denver

55% New York City

Which American Cities Best Fit You?

interview 4 U

das right. the tables are turned and if you reply to this post with the words "interview me" i will then post 5 questions for your response. fun huh? learned this one on the other blog spot. who's first? i promise, it won't hurt.

live from brooklyn
m

nomet #3 - for the half-wit

angered by your shortcomings, ha ha
sorry the laughter cuts like knives
bruises and scabs still picked at
bloody on hardware floors
dont sob now my sweet
you are still young
nows the time
to find
life

(now read it backwards)

ps - i've read the nomets in response. glad i could inspire you.

still, live from bklyn

me, me, mo me...

what i am reading right now:
smoking lovely by willie perdomo & shake loose my skin by sonia sanchez & some if us did not die by june jordan

what i am listening to:
neighborhoods: olu dara, the jazz singer: eddie jefferson & self titled: saul williams

what i am wearing:
boxers, t-shirt and a soft cast.

what i am working on:
the newest album: something beautiful, a book of poems with a beautiful woman in london and the final edits of the re-revised and revamped book of poems and antecdotes: destroy rebuild and other reconstructions of the human muscle.

what i look forward to:
summer fun. a brief stint touring the states and overseas in october, going to school @ NYU in fall, sex during daybreak, our poetry production @ an off-broadway theatre, and my first pedicure once the cast is completely off!

what annoys me:
stalkers, bad people posing as good poets (arghh), fake revolutionaries (poets again), pedophiles and deadbeat dads.

what motto i live by:
i live by two: the infamous "do unto others..." and my favorite quicker picker upper: "woman is the nigger of the world" by yoko ono.

what i want to change about myself:
my unforgiveness and ability to hold grudges, my greeness/naivete which allows underserving people an opportunity to break my heart.

what i love about myself:
i love hard, play hard, work hard & am loyal

what i dreamt last nite:
i don't remember (smirk)

what i'm feenin' for:
mike's diner. the one place that every artist (struggling and otherwise) has frequented while living/visiting brooklyn.

what i regret:
losing touch with my mother, losing contact with my mag fam, being homeless in nyc (2000), chicago natl's (2003) & london (2004).

what i learned:
the only one who has your best interest at heart is you. don't depend on NO ONE.

where i would move if i left nyc:
i used to think london was my first choice - until i realized they had the same type of seedy individuals that roam the under belly of NYC, so i'm thinking austin, tx. they have the big city activites (which i need) and the southern hospitality that i'm accoustmed to (i.e., consideration factor!)

what is my most extreme story while on tour:
i don't know. there are several. because i named the times i was homeless already (2 of those happened on tour) i will touch a couple of other incidents. 1)while in denver, a promoter was beef'n with another promoter and in turn took it out on me - asking me to PAY a fee just so i could sell my cd's after my performance! 2) when jive and i travled to holland via fleet ship. however, he forgot his passport and got turned away at the border (it was much worse for him). 3) i toured europe non-stop for 31 days. that shyt was hard! i couldn't even remember my name at certain points! it was really bad - the pay was great, but my body definitely paid for that crap. i would have 2 shows and a day full of workshops in ONE DAY. i was so tired, i was missing my coach back to bristol, got stranded in london after a crazy-hot shortman show and almost missed my workshops the next day in bristol. brutal!!!

what is my biggest mistake in this career:
the contract i signed with HBO after featured with the punany poets. they resold that damn segment to 5 other stations and we got 90 bucks after taxes! das dat bullshyt!

what inspires me:
my daughter, my man, my family and certain contemporary poets.

what's my favorite outfit:
anything with a jean jacket and shell toes. cute cut-up shirts and sexy boots.

what's my favorite word:
shadows (this word changes every quarter or so).

what's my biggest secret:
i don't have any... anymore.

what is the biggest lie i ever told:
no grandma, i'm not pregnant.

luuccckkky!

received my order of an original pressing of Sylvia Plath's BELL JAR.

also got my bday gift to myself in the mail: a japanese kimono! :)

im too ready to model this one. as soon as the damn ankle is walkable. i've tried to walk with one crutch. no pain. not til i sit down anyway. j dont like it though. gives me the disapproving look that translates to: sit YO AZZ down. so i do.

"but when he ain't looking. i b walking again." (name dat movie!)

we have a salon to attend today. its like a gathering of the artistic minds. a lot of eats, drink and conversations with new york's most elite literary group. louderarts *my nat'l slam alma mater* is hosting this one at lynn's house. where i am scheduled to fry up some fish (catfish to be exact) for the evening. tell you about the results later.

m

ps - animal planet update: they rescued over 200 cats outta this man's house. the most in detroit humane society history!

missing...

showers again. i have a couple of days before i can partake in the drip drop goodness. we've been watching quite alot of animal planet. we bet on who will win the animal face off (i've won 2 out of 3). we sit in awe during the extreme animal countdown. everything from the fastest, to the most athletic, to the most deadly. informative, it is. and it makes me feel at one with nature - no bull. but i still miss showers, even though -- you can't go wrong with a distracting sponge bath...

the weak one

i couldn't save him if i wanted to
from your venomous strike
its his will
his will to turn away
stone faced grins
are easy to ignore
wait for his bite
if you must
there are no queries here
no mistaken identity
your face is the same
no
mat ter
the change of your name
we see you for who you are have been being
dim by your own despair
divulging evidence of desparation
sing songs with strings attached
those too will be cut
from trees of obligation
lack of humanity
is
not
negative
when you rest at the bottom of the food chain

9 liner... nomet #2

he wont wake up and its time to go
a new house awaits us smiling
MTV is still playing
the cats are still shyt'n
ankle is throbbing
four flights plus one
to conquer
lose weight
now

(and read it both ways. from the bottom up and top to bottom... this was quite fun. your turn!)

early rising...

i have to sleep in shifts for the next week. that's how this freek'n medication process works. good news! we go check out an apartment today! yeaaa! the space is needed and the change of "scenery" is needed. it's a two family brownstone - which is the type of living privacy im used to. dammit!

im watching this damn MTV show NEXT. this crap is crazy?! it's like a dating show with 5 different replacements. lol very rude

i have finished up the new lineup for my book destroy. im glad i held the production of it. this writing workshop has been immensely helpful. i look forward to attending the week long summer retreat next year! i hear its like writing camp. and there are parties but at a certain time - all you see are computer lights and light tapping. my type of experience! and i've been trying to talk our writing instructor into continuing the meetings after the june date. like our group is so incredible - shall i break it down for you until it is forever broken? (movie: love jones, catch up DAMMIT!)

patricia: writing experience is fuk'n phenomenal. she is the only person (man or woman) to win the individual national slam 4 times. ever. she is a mother and incredibly consistent with her writing. her writing is unparellel and her presence is assuring for an upcoming writer.

ed - he is the printer of our group! very nice, supportive and cool as hell. he writes an incredible persona on page. his unexpected guest piece is crazy! even though he has a day job (that's what i say about cool writers) - he has a heart that pumps for this poetry. you can tell. just by listening to him talk about the poems he prints out for his classmates. he really internalizes it all before speaking on it.

sienna - she's a quiet one. i had never heard a poem so freek'n historic and compelling at the same time! it was like, i read her conversations poem and it made me want to go to library and find out what the hell went on! she had some crazy ish that she went thru during class and my heart felt for her. she's an artist first and it resonates with each breath.

erika - an incredible writer. i think she's a teacher - it's funny. she looks so young! i swear, i dont remember anything but crusted up teachers when i was a young'n! lol her smart woman poem is my absolute favorite run on, tangent-like piece. she used the devicce well. she's relocating (booo) to chicago. but we will be there during the same time in june - so imma try to get her to the stage and see if she will rock my favorite piece. you never know - could be the birth of a star!

nicole - i met nicole awhile back. she replaced my favorite grant provider (tricia). and she did an incredible job! but this was the first time i heard her poetry. and i am sure - this systa is ready for the revolution! you should hear her conversations piece! hilarious! she's also very nice.

hallie - the yale girl! our birthday's are like 5 days apart and she is to funny for words. the first poem she came to class with blew everyone away! the title was the clincher... and she's already very willing to get to the critique part, which is helpful, considering as writers it can be a bit hard to step on someone's poem with red toothed pen. but she does it graciously.

roger - the same dude that edited so many of my poems. he's my unofficial mentor. hell, my mentor in life. his life theories kill me, but give me such an understanding to the mind set of men. i ain't goin' blow his spot up! LOL he's the only male poet i know that makes other male poets quiver. while he thinks he's the prettiest dude (sike) his performance and writing are parallel in greatness.

camara - i miss her. she is away in jamaica - handling business. and i send her my best wishes! her writing is incredible man. and she has the accent which makes everything sound so regal. and factual! lol she's also a mother and a survivor! she blew everyone's mind when she said she never read her poems in public. they were better than most people that i heard.

rashida - she has an incredible soul. it pours on the page. her voice is sooo comfortable. and she has a son - you know mothers unite! lol she had an increible prose she write the other week. and she is always very nice. not fake nice either. you know that chump ass shyt females do when trying to figure out if you are better (i.e.,looks better, writes better, dances better, has a man that's better than mine). she's like: peace sis. how are you? loved your work. can you give me some tips! real down home. i love her!


that said. im going to go check out the house now. and come back and get this expedition to dominican republic geared and ready to go. it's gonna be fun and sexy. besides, it's long overdue! it seems like i have been through hell this past quarter! but i know im blessed. my daughter is healthy and smart and happy (when she is running the house, of course). my creativity is sailing at an all-time high, partly because of the people listed above and i can smell the colors in his words.

live from BKLYN

death becomes HeR

don’t know why i cant speak it
wont let its name form on my tongue
swirl in my spit
not ready to think of the lights
the darkness
the silence

not
now

too many dreams to fulfill
novels to write
plots to fill
of dirt and disorder
buried around my skull
after breath has slowed
then stopped

no

i don’t want to ponder
my legacy
hemorrhaging faith
swallowing hope
accepting my death as defeat

now

studied in books
forums and
under attended memorials
respect never received
as i blinked and breathed

groggy...

the medication they gave me isnt so bad. not so bad. it took less than an hour for the removal of the screw. that bytch was like DISSSSSSSSS BIG! and i gotta be honest. i wasn't looking forward to the recovering room. the last time, the chick was crazy mean to me, they wouldnt feed me even though i hadnt eaten in almost 26 hours and left me with two slosshy jello cups. when j came to check on me - i told him what happened and he went off. the women said NO, we didnt mistreat you. nu uh. got all nice when his azz came in there. so i wasn't looking forward to her grunting some payback on my sickly ass. however, this time - i had ms marilyn (who i confided in about the drama the last time) and jo jo (who was extra nice so he could get the flowers i promised marilyn). overall - it was an awesome experience.
however, i was so lucky to witness a couple of surgeons and their nurses say the damndest things.

1) im so tired.
2) this is my first time
3) which leg are we operating?

uh, duke. you should already know that SHYT. don't let me have an ich in my good leg - you take that as a sign of confirmation and then go to cutting at it! and my anesthist (sp?) was hilarious. telling me everyone's bizness. she said, imma give you something that will make you have nice dreams. some people talk in their sedation. i was like - HEY. i dont want that! never know what truth might slip from my mouth! lol j laughed and said "what are you hiding ma?" too slow to respond with wit i let him have that one. tskkkk. now, i have another one of these surgeries which puts my london trip on hiatus. again.

god's trynna tell you something

remember that song? that's what i hear in my head when i try to do things repeatedly and it just doesn't come to fruition. sorry sammy. she made me promise to come back to lonDUN despite my disgust for its unsavory bitz. the doc stepped in again, lady... i will be there in october - i swear.

god's trynna tell you something

dreamt of my grandma, coco. it was wierd. we were having some sort of house party and a man loitering the front of my "establishment" was loud and trynna talk to me. then i went back into the house (?) and it was standing room only. they asked me to fix some divider and i did. before i looked in the corner and there she sat - healthy as ever. i ran to her and gave her a kiss and hug and said we must have lunch soon. she loved dining out. she nodded, i think, then i woke up. scared. i didnt know what the dream meant (send your synopsis please) but it felt too real to deny.

maybe god...

and as you would have it. my writing group the nite before had an assignment. that's write. write a poem on your death bed. sonuva! can't get away from this crap! so i posted it above. let me know what you think... talk to ya'll tomorrow/today. as it is 2am brooklyn time. and i am waiting for j to get back from the bodega with our late-nite snacks.

live from brooklyn
love hip hop (thx eliel)

wlk lk

prowess
she wlks lk god
flat ft over water

OPERATION DoomsDay

been at the hospital
prep'n for the surgery tomorrow
blood work
running back and forth on crutches
torture...but it's half over

had class tonite. it was wonderous. my classmates
are so cool
and thoughtful and intelligent
it's scary! they make me want to learn more
and the editing process isn't as bad as
i thought (anymore!) LOL

had class yesterday.
very dope session with my girls.
will share more of that later.

made it to the Bar 13 Team finals, by .10 of a point - i think...
feeling really inspired
and my pores are poppin' with ideas
and i want to try to make this work...

this life i've created
this is where it all begins

big show coming up on May 22nd.
jive and i put together an incredible lineup
at the PRODUCER's CLUB,
AN OFF BROADWAY POETRY PRODUCTION

that's right. we headed to the top kid...
get it right! time to take ova the world.
its only fair that i warn you... im takin'
no PRISONERS. none.

URBAN WORD WINS!

one of my favorite students AJA and her team (URBAN WORD) won the YOUTH NATIONAL POETRY SLAM. i am soooo proud of her. and i heard hollise was walking around with a crew trailing her and everything! i swear ya'll, they are such incredible DIVAs. im so happy they are the generation that will make up for all our mistakes. congrats my lovelies!

brooklynized...

m

the trenches or many faces of wackness

i have a show at a girl's group home. this is where they send the girls sentenced to jail instead. really great bunch of young ladies (i saw them last month). unfortunately, the woman in charge - is crazy wierd. i don't get her. its like she don't even believe in the kids. a wack thing to notice while you are there to tell these souls that this mistake isn't the rest of their life. they can make a difference if they just change their path. i told her last month "you have some real thinkers here" and they really are incredible. the poems they wrote personifying handcuffs were gut-wrenching... sad, intense and real. they lived through the fire and put it on the page. i told the "warden" of their genuis and she acted as if i were talking of aliens. real wack. so, im headed back there. i mean, jus cause she's wack don't mean these young girls should suffer - even more. flub dat!

schedule of events

alot of things have happened within the last 24 hours. good things - but trying nonetheless. here is my schedule for the next 3 months... i didn't put in my vacation days - cause i ain't one to gloat. however. if you wanna know so bad (nosey) email me and i will send you an invite!

live from brooklyn,

m

april
23 - RAHYWAY Youth Slam, NJ
25 - BAR 13 National Slam Semi's, NYC

may
12 - 14 WORD UP POETRY FESTIVAL, VA
22 - WORD 4 WORD, NYC

june
9 - 11 SOUTHERN FRIED REGIONALS, NC
17 - 21 RUSTBELT REGIONALS, MN
23 - 100 SLAM, UK
26 - POETRY N MOTION, UK

july
6 - CHERRY JAM, UK
15 - NUBIAN HERITAGE, NYC
23 - DENVER ART FESTIVAL, CO
24 - DENVER SLAM, CO
27 - POET AS MUSE, CO
29 - CAFE NUBA, CO

made of plath

I shall never get you put together entirely,
Pieced, glued, and properly jointed.

you are chipped, stained and ungodly-like
all the things that i hold dear

and despise at the same time
messy and incomplete

your parts of beauty are what keeps me near.
sustains my need for something more

i breath you in and wait for it all to make sense
you never do.

The sun rises under the pillar of your tongue.
My hours are married to shadow.

you laugh at this
joke easily of painstaking

jabs at my heart
the finish line is haunting.

ghostly figures chat with devils
i too will find my place at the atlar.

debate whether your tongue swimming in a vinegar jar
was worth it, after all.

dis right here!

is a nomet. erected after reading an example from blackestsheep in my LJ community... i liked the idea, so i tried one... it was harder than i expected. give it a try and post it so i can gush over your creativity!

9 lines:
1st line: 9 syllabels
2nd line: 8 syllabels
3rd line: 7 syllabels

and so on and so forth until the last line and last syllabel. here is try...

k:iss
there are no moments that match this one
two times we've met by chance pure luck
charming eyes and tongue rescue
my ideas drown inside
shivers electric
tryst between teeth
under moans
low pitch
perfect

affirmative action poetry slam

a bit of a controversy in des parts. something that i wasn't ready to address, until i finished figuring out somethings for myself. after lengthy conversations with jive that panned out over several months. i think i have a grasp on how i feel about this poetry slam affirmative action business. this year, AIPF put in place a slam that would honor two winners: one woman and one man. this was due to several things, most importantly: after 13 annual festivals, there has yet to be a woman slam winner.

the best thing they did to assure there was a fair playing ground for the both women and men, was to keep the sex of the slammers balanced (i.e., 8 women & 8 men). however, they took it a bit further. and in their need to make things equal, i think we may have done a disservice to women poets everywhere. the top woman poet was AKUA, this year. the top man poet was Joaquin. it's funny. in the past 4 years of my going - i have ranked in the top 3 finalists, atleast 3 times. which means, though we haven't had a women winner (yet) we are on our way and don't need any favors. this year. there were TWO women in the final four (akua and myself). and after looking at the situation - i realized we don't need charity.

i encourage AIPF to continue having balanced slams with an equal number of men and women participants. but suggest they let the wittest slam poet win, whether it be man or woman. because honestly, the sexism that underlines this sincere gesture only says that WOMAN AREN'T STRONG ENOUGH CREATIVELY, LYRICALLY, OR POETRICALLY TO GO TOE TO TOE WITH MEN. this is a strong statement, especially after the National Poetry Slam Individuals Champ has only been acquired more than once (count it 4 times) by a WOMAN. a BLACK WOMAN (ms. patricia smith) and no MAN has been able to match her strides - almost a decade later.

so i thank you AIPF for the support of your women poets, but truly feel - the best way to support us, is to assure the playing field is level throughout. and that means 1 winner -- whether women take home the 1st prize is only up to chance. i mean, hell. it's a poetry slam.

(this was solely inspired by jive. thanks for being a feminist even when you didn't know it)

shhh...

it's my birthday

:)

haiku #0178 (inspired by women in hip hop class)

she got too much mouth
said he to he last week
her wombs says otherwise

justin timberlake vs usher raymond

ever watch justin timberlake strut around like usher raymond? i mean, we know they are both trynna replace Mike Jackson and be the new king of pop (usher has successfully done this for me -- check the abs in make me wanna)... i remember the young 14 year old rockin' timbs while riding on the hood of the car as devante (former jodeci star) swerved down a winding road... he was a baby then - but was singing bout thangs that made me blush. now, he rocks a glove during his concert recorded in puerto rico, moonwalks sideways (really that's all it is) and keeps the women screaming (present company, ahem, not included). but really. he has become an incredible entertainer.

but i can't help but be a bit mad at mr. timberlake (aka leave janet jackson out to dry after HE ripped off the boobie cloth). first he has no gumption when giving up the goods on taking ms. britney spears' virginity (a true gentleman closes his DAMN PIE HOLE and be thankful he's getting any!) and then he bounces on N'Sync to start a solo career. now i LOVED cry me a river. fa real -- wasn't even mad that it looked like ole' Brit dog... however, the song "senorita" geared towards the latinas - was as tasteless as stretchmarks at a strip club. i mean, i got some but i stay'z in my lane, homie. now this song -- preaching in a high screech tone (u know how he do) was cool - until he said something about "don't let him take yo crown" as he slapped said crown holder on the ASS!? huh

so once he dissed my girl ms. jackson (cause im nasty) and usher called him out (don't say my name and his in the same sentence) -- i can't help but shake my head and turn the channel when his cameo appearance on snoop dogg's video rolls across my tv screen.

what more can i say!?

austin was and is beautiful... life was hectic ova der! the festival was a bit err different this year. but dont let me jump ahead. i'll start from the beginning!

wed: j and i head to the airport. i had my first WHEELCHAIR ride, courtesy of this damn cast & might i say -- i was pretty much feelin' myself! oh no! not only did they push me around in that lil' piece of steel and vinyl heaven - but, we passed ALL OF THE SECURITY LINES! and what a day to do it. they were wrapped around the corner like jive's groupies! (sorry i couldn't help it!) and we were off to make the boarding! first on the plane, nice... had a nice nap all the way to texas, where reggie met us and sped us to firebirds. a nice burrito shack (understatement, trust me) and we filled on chicken and steak MONSTER burritos. i should've taken a picture of the damn thing -- it was crazy big -- like my butt! whoa!
next we headed to Ivanho's house (former poet present singer). we watched movies while J snored on the floor like a damn geezer and i watched leguizamo in a riveting role in King of The Jungle... Rosie Perez, Anabella Sciorrie and my boy Michael Rapaport was in it -- if you wanna know that story email me! we later went to feature at Neo Soul at Club Sahara and it was a nice warm and receptive crowd. one thing cant nobody tell me about is the hospitality and support you get from AUSTIN... there are one or two fake ass mutha-sucka's in the bunch, but that's life homie. Kim, my sista from another mutha was hosting with our B-Fran the man that can throw the hottest impromptu poetry party (worldwide). watched their youth slam team get down, a gang of poets -- left and got some jack in the crack (two cheesecakes, please!) and headed to B's crib...

thurs: reggie came and swooped us to registration where we looked at each other and wondered why the hell we were awwake so damn EARLY. touring artists KNOW: jetlag is so SINCEREEEEE. i tried to OD on coffee, before KIM looked out and took me to get some starbucks (i cant do that organic ish) where i partook in the White Mocha GOODNESS, one for me and one for my girl amanda! yea, i met her mom. she is so cute. we sat in a circle, agnes (my favorite UK' WOMAN POET), nii, amanda johnston (the martha stewart impersonator!), jive (who?), thomas, tim gibbard (flyest dude in the tallest shoes), mike (freebie jukebox poet) and everybody else that walked up to our COOL table and said HEY! amanda placed first in the anthology reading (go girl) and we laughed hard until rescued Jive and I. we went to dinner at LOGANS. a place where they throw peanuts on the floor -- i'm thinking "I got more home training than this!" but i tried and threw one shell on the floor just for the thrill of it! unfortunately, our waitress was a bit too popular, because the dudes next to us, tossed a peanut at her. it ricocheted off her shoulder and hit the Jive in the knee -- he then finds his NEW YORK STATE OF MIND and offers these young men a taste of his fists. subtly of course. they say, "dude, it's cool. sorry" but continue talking shyt under their breath. Kim overhears the chaos and loses her freakin' mind. she gets the manager -- who is of little help, as far as they are concerned, and then requests the regional manager's information. after this little interrogation homeboy is shivering and the fella's apologize again before finding the exit. i look at my salad - sure they are spitting in my plate of steak and catfish as we speak before asking the waitress to cancel the order. sure we will just have to snack on muffins from the coffeeshop where we will perform at in 30 minutes, but Kim insists. says they wont do nothing "or else" and we eat the food that miraculously finds its way to our table. the show that evening... dulls from the shine of this one - so flub it.

friday: we have a radio interview with reggie to promote the mitchie's show and a slam that evening. jive is the feature, since he's the winner of last year's title -- so it's up to me to do my thug thizzle. first prize (man and woman highest ranking receive) three hunnet and fiddy dollas... taalam is also the feature (as he and jive tied) so the opening raises the bar of poetry by a freeekn mile! i aint mad though. relentless takes care of me - pure southern hospitality. mike henry, videographer of the upcoming flick "SLAM PLANET" and austin slammaster (i think) hosts the jumpoff and joaquin and akua take first, me second and tito from corpus cripus takes 3rd... nice afterwards, we make our way to waterloo for chicken wings, cramping our bodies into Mike Guinn's mustang (baller) just to be greeted with an "KITCHEN CLOSED" sign! boooooo taalam then suggests Baby A's a spot with great drinks and questionable food... too bad we found out after all 15 of us were seated. Akua, Izm Dark & King Savior (phoenix), Vocab, Joe, Jamela (Aqua's peoplez) and several others sat with Jive, Mike and myself feenin' for chips and salsa. akua and i got buck -- i can't front. i could've lit a match with that hotazz stuff. but i was starving - so hell! jive's plate of food was purely DISGUSTING. so we returned that. paid the bill and found our way back to B-Fran's crib.

sat: i don't wanna wake up. neither did j. but we had several shows, including my favorite MITCHIEs. Reggie was picking us up to drop us off. but i wasnt feeln that so much. so i acted like a diva. stayed in my PJ's and talked to KA and B downstairs while Tweet cooked breakfast. Jo, B's wife to be, hooked up the starbucks after giving me some really cute coffee-like capuccino! i love her. she has the best love poems. i call her the julia roberts of poetry... ya know, you fall in love when listening to her poems and really want her to fall in love too (i.e., pretty woman: ho meets trick -- fall in love, pleez. my best friend's wedding: friend wants to take friend from fiancee, dammit ho! fall in love pleez! and mona lisa's smile: teacher teaches ladies not to just be a ho, but falls out of love in the process DAMMIT!). anyway - we eat beef sausages, and Tweet (a man that had a heart attack on thursday and recovered by saturday) offers to cook a brisket for our going away dinner. this is when B-Fran promises a poetic after party to close out the festival. did you hear that? i think i heard the angels singing! laaaaaaaaaa
we eat, head to our designated features, jive at the coffeeshop and me at mitchies (all day) for the next 8 hours. that's right people. poetry ALL DAY! the first reading was real light (less than 20 people) but i met some nice ladies from Panama and a new poet (as of the night before after being inspired by the slam). the next reading, J and Jo show up with her son Youngstar (a powerhouse) and her lil' momma AUBREY! das my girl we played UH OH for about 30 minutes...i swear
the urban slam then pops off and we have over 20 poets hit the mic. Joe kills it with SPRUNG, Jive rips it with Once Upon A Date Rape, Vocab and Sassy have an incredible group piece and several other honorable mentions -- but did you hear me say over 20 poets? damn.

right after that -- we have another showcase called the urban showcase as a part of the festival and taalam, jive, KA, Knowtorius 13, Izm, myself, Mike Guinn and Youngstar. we did it like a theatrical production and it was phenomenal. an outstanding way to end the festival - i must say! we had a poetry auction (which was so fun) and it was between god's gift and a systa i nicknamed "camisole" (because of her shirt!) and afterwards we cleaned up. i shopped: scoring a book entitled the american directory of uncle tom's. joyce gave amari two books and two beautiful picture frames for her christmas photoz, before we headed to B's for the poetry party. there we were greeted with dominoes, spades, chess, pool and boisterous laughter. the brisket was BANGIN', the macaroni salad was DOPE - B was stressing and i was taking advantage of the moment! relentless and i shared the dominoes table but lost by a full house. i just found a seat to devour the remainder of my cheesecake, took pictures (will put em up soon) and laughed until my stomach hurt. taalam made jokes on the sly. KA let me make fun of him, alot! and at 1am, we stopped all other activity and commenced to having our OWN DAMN POETRY SHOW! didn't chu hear me when i said HEY? for the next 3 hours, we heard poetry from everyone in the room (as they were all poets) and i didn't go to sleep until near 4am.

less than 4 hours later, reggie takes J, and I to the airport... where we will sleep on an over-filled aircraft with memories of the best poetry community in the country. word up

bak n bklyn

outside...

im sitting on nii's laptop -- sitting outside of ruta maya's with my cast elevated. talking to akua, jive, ivanho, nii and madalyhatter. this is what poetry is about. the sun is kissing me with hot fresh lips. i have so much to tell you. give me sunday and i will give my world.

look back for the day by day description...


live from austin (by way of cali via brooklyn)

texas AIR

smells like flowers
and trees and pollen
and sun

its beautiful here. registration starts today for the festival. we featured at neo souldiers last nite. it was great! they are so supportive it makes your toes curl. they treat us like family. i rocked on stage - crutches and all! jive had the church congregating with dissatisfation. we saw the austin youth slam team. got to see shannon a young powerhouse. this bright eye'd youngsta was phenomenal when i first witnessed her slam in 2001 and she is even greater NOW.

at the moment, i am feenin' for breakfast. it is afternoon time and jive and i are debating whether new york can maintain a national poetry convention. guess which side im on...

less than 6 hours

we will be on a flight to austin, texas. stajza mcfadden, larry jaffe, england's finest: nii parkes and tim gibbard -- all in da place to B! don't be mad at me... just peep the gloat'n at it's finest! lol

had another incredible class. afterwards we went to mexican cab company and feasted on salsa and frosty drinks! i had the raspberry jump off... nice! patricia, ed, camara, hallie and myself sat there for awhile -- before the bday girl had to take an early leave. sorry i will miss the birthday party ms aries -- but we will celebrate on the 19th! das right, 24 hours before my own earth day! yea (lil jon style)!

i have to pack. but i have so much to talk about. after i land and get myself together, i will return to talk about: love. life. attraction. energy. accomplishment. life. life. word

live from brooklyn (on da way to austin)

m

ps -- thanks for the knicks ticket kSWift! amari loved them even though the raptors were winning... :)

incredible...bullet style

i. how things come about... i allowed a swedish documentarien to use my poem "single muva's song" sometime last year and she called me yesterday. the film was picked up by a swedish television station and she would like to follow me around for my stay in london this summer. nice!

ii. my kids in the women in hip hop workshop have astounded me, yet another time. we are dealing with stereotypes and race. i made everyone pick a piece of paper out of a cup and whatever their slip said (singapore, honduras, jamaican, etc) and write a poem from this person's point of view about stereotypes. im so excited -- cause their ability to voice their concern is beyond their young years... damn -- that sounds like something my elders would say! lol

iii. austin's poetry festival for the next week. all poetry, all night, always a treat... i'm not hosting anything this year but i will enjoy the comraderie and the mutual respect from international poets...classic

iv. went to bar 13 last nite. it was cool. camara from my writing class was in effect! she is such an incredible writer. but then her people's is an incredible writer and performer -- so im sure it's the birds of a feather theory! lol only watched the first two rounds of the slam. my team member for southern fried slam, samantha killed it. but was getting half hearted scores. BOOOOO! fish flakes held it down with an incredible emmitt till piece. and lynne was so cerebral that cats didnt know if they had a brain spasm or was that just wind passing!? tai freedom ford was winning by 5 points when we left -- needless to say that was the winner of the night. next week is a crazy slam -- unfortunately, i won't make it - but the list is crazy: roger bonair agard, marty mcconnel, rac mckibbins, carlos gomez, bonafide rojas -- i think that's it?? my semi is not til the 25th: jive, myself, akua, advocate of words and one more... i can't really remember his name. oh yea, mikey cirelli (ha!)... some come join us make fun of mike on the 25th... he is the slam poetry cyrano. classic

from my brooklyn window

shadows of stars
building tops
bright lights atop
empire state building
red
white
blue
black night
gray mornings
dawn
pigeons aflight
dreams become mist
and the day pulls
long like the tides

if it isn't love...

why do i feel this way? why does he stay on my mind?
- new edition, (after bobby left)

talked to my sis. when we get along - its good. when we dont, oh boy watch out! we definitely have the shelf life of two weeks. but she's my big sis. and i would move a mountain for her -- but only if she would shut the hell up in the process! lol

it is soooooo beautiful outside. it makes me want to magically fix my ankle so we can walk through central park. they have a zoo there. i want to go back to the aquarium... we went for my birthday. it was a surprise. and because its on the other side of brooklyn, by the time we got there -- it was FREEZIN, and i was totally under dressed and so was amari. so i gave her my coat, he gave me his coat -- and we sat there watching the sea lion in awe. i can still feel the goosebumps.

we have a band n poet show tonite. should be nice. maybe some dominican food afterwards. my girl that works there is the BOMB. she has the biggest hips and butt - ask me why i notice this? go ahead, ask me! because! the restaurant is sOOO small, that when she turns, she knocks customers out of their chair! no lie -- as j's friend steve! lmao but, i love her to death. she teaches me spanish without getting mad at my american ignorance. hence, the reason i can order pechuga al ajillo con arroz amarillo y pan con mantaquilla.

yea, don't sleep on my skills! that took a long time -- courtesy of j's continued linguistics training... rolling your tongue takes practice.

so im out. gotta get ready for the show.
go feel the sun on your tongue and tell me how it taste.

live from brooklyn.

Lady Luck gotta Crush on me...

found my book files! hallelujah! finally talked to my brother after a lot of deliberation. got some incredible workshops. and found monies to sponsor the new laptop mission! can i hear an amen!

feeling inspired and ish... something nu

breath me a song
whispered in the hum of your vetebrate
dream of my most fallilable parts
kiss my ankle scars
trace my blemishes with your thumb
swirl your image of me inside your own palm
see our future
blur me out with hiccups
cough me away
drink water to rid of my residue
...then...
breath me
all over again
purposely

closer...

watching the movie closer... it has such rich dialogue im getting turned on! i keep trying to wake him up so he can hear this masterpiece of verbal intercourse! nothing but snores.

natalie portman says "the most fun a girl can have is lying"... back in two and two... gotta finish watching this...

live from my bed in brooklyn

PIMP JUICE scholarships and other evils with pretty faces

accolades to nelly of the st louis lunatics. that's right the young brother, turned rapper, turned actor, turned drink president ("pimp juice" - its like red bull) has given several scholarships away. very dope. few people in the hip hop industry give such things back to the community. which is flyy -- but PIMP SCHOLARSHIP? damn. i feel like we are running back to the cotton fields. i swear.

our 2nd graders know how to sing about G-Unit and becoming a great P-I-M-P, rather than a great D-O-C-T-O-R. i know, this is an age old debate. but when are we going to wake up? how much longer do i have to explain to my daughter that Bitch and HO is not a compliment. no matter what the songs say. no matter how pretty the girls in the video smiling to those same degrading lyrics are...? when will we stop subjecting our kids to the madness?

i love that song "some cut" from triville. initially, i heard the radio edited version -- so i thought the song was just a cool lil' flirtaious song about a man seeing a woman and being attracted to her. saying "what it is shorty, whassup can a player get in touch"... like can i get your number... let's set up a time to sit down and get to know each other. then i went and taught my class with the middle school kids. and they told me the un-edited version was not as friendly -- instead, my cute flirtatious song became filthy and demeaning with lyrics: "what it is HO, whassup? can a nigga get in yo gut"...

huh? im straight lost. i fell in love with hip hop and became it's concubine somewhere along the line.

conversations:

a class assignment... i would love to hear your comments. even if you totally hate it.

The Pope and Robert Kelly
________________________

soft flesh
immature to life
pours of innocence
accompanied by whimpers

Did you ignore the cries?
I did.

Did you repent your sins?
I did.

Then what went wrong?
Technology.

gorgeous

outside.
there you can find my soul smiling

live from brooklyn,

over-easy

workshops are underestimated. i am looking to sign up for any damn thing now! love my class. love the feedback. love my results. here's one of the assignments...

live from brooklyn

m


over easy
________________

hidden
by red lights
fears folded between basement shadows
as hands danced across abdomen
praying for inches more
fingers wander clumsily
fabric lay between flesh and want
burning with curiosity

fifteen and dumber by the minute
i skipped school like stones
to experience my 2nd tongue kiss
sloppy
wet and
not quite right
i moaned convincingly despite intrusive tongue
acted like i knew how to make a man
feel like a man
even when
he was just a boy

gripped panties
twisted around fists
found fingers deep inside
inexperience and gumption poured out minutes later
he told the world how sweet my pink parts smelled on index fingers
said he would soon have my cherries

and like secrets uncovered
she scolded me
hot grease with cold words slipping over my skin through phone lines
"you smelled my scent on your son?" i thought
she growled
"we don't want to be young grandmothers"
her preemptive strike too late for my sister's sake
mama nodded hung up receiver and stared
eyes dull and glazed
questioning silently
i couldn't scream "i sacrificed his fingers for your attention"
so i relied on nothing.
… really
we just fooled around.

this reason enough to seek refuge in the smoke
i watched her slide behind bedroom doors
press wood to wood firmly
quick to return to pipe dreams
quick to leave me
never looking back

inspiring sorts

i really love my life... times like this makes the laptop crashing, car towing, poetry biting, bone cracking, creative starved, groupie stalked, writersblock'd bull shyt...ALL WORTH IT!

live from brooklyn

dammit man!!!!!!!!

so monday, after physical therapy -- i tried to get some work done for my tuesday assignment. but the damn laptop didn't want to turn on. so i decided, after i taught the women in hip hop workshop and pulled the slots for the BAR 13 semi's, i would get back to it. still, nothing! the damn laptop is not responding to ANYTHING!
called the compaq help line. still nothing and that's after i paid for a renewal on the warranty for this piece of ISH! still nothing. they tell me -- buy a new computer, your hard drive is fried! BYTCH!

well, after i decided to rid of my entire life for the past 2 years -- i rebooted the entire system and lost ALL OF MY FILES!!!! every last one. if i didn't email it to myself or someone else, it's officially a WRAP!

yippy for me... finally got over that. rebooted dis damn thang, mourned over all the lost work for the new book (sigh) and the masters for thin skin and destroy... oh yea, and because i transferred my email server -- all the business emails! (sigh)

life gets NO betta right now. but -- the laptop has been restored. most of my information can be salvaged. and he's making steak n eggs for breakfast...nice

sickley...

so we did it. we had a damn eating contest. all you can eat crab, shrimp and steamed vegetables. i don't know what the hell i was thinking! j's got a hollow leg - i swear. i was about to keel over from iodine poison! butter was everywhere -- he kept trying to make me laugh and i was trying to keep it all under control! there is nothing sexy about a woman vomitting until her lungs hurt. so i ignored his antics -- smiled at him like a classic sore loser and begged for some pepto bismal.

live from brooklyn,

m

nice...

i made the 2005 Central NJ Slam Team...

Kasim (grand slam champ) - an incredible poet & new father
Mahogany L. Browne
Shadowkat
Rasheed Adero - crazy nice, supportive and funny poet... i hear he's the king of group pieces!
alt: JivePoetic (u know dis dude, cmon!) & BIG MUfukn MIKE: the most down father, poet and teacher I KNOW!

so things are looking up. i am still in the semi-finals for Bar13 -- so, i dunno. however - this team is incredible. the energy is hot -- my cousin Likwid is the slammaster and if i go with this team -- I AM ASSURED that kats got my back... beside the fact, it's always fun to roll wit cats that can make you laugh til you stomach burst!

simplistic

he gave me his chocolate milk...that means we going steady!

do you remember how simple dating was when you were young? a boy saved you a seat in the lunch room -- that meant ya'll was boyfriend and girlfriend!

if a girl let you play with her hair -- she was digging you something crazy.

that's how my life has been lately. simple. perfect fit at times, squeezing at other times -- but real simple. my happiness is filled by donuts in the morning, personal sized orange juice that he picked up just for us and laughing at the radio 7am in the morning. it ain't fancy -- and when we have fancy - it can become costly. but mainly, the small stuff - like conversing about becoming better people -- or seeing God in him for the umpteenth time or watching videos, sharing poems and prose and laughter - is so simple and yet, so right. so when he gave me his chocolate milk - it was just enough.

live from brooklyn

hott brooklyn

you have never experienced life, until you experience brooklyn when it's beautiful outside. there are kids on the stoop. ice cream trucks every 5 minutes, fire hydrant spurting water and life breathing. its addictive. and so needed in this fast ass city.

with all the trauma going on -- i thought i would never find a space that we could live happily with a dog. then i get an email from a woman warrior poet -- and when we met, it was like sis, i feel you. all you saw was my afro and her blond hair nodding in agreement. so different with so many similarities. hard life. single mother turned poet. survivor - word. she's bouncing to miami and needs someone to look out for her house. say NO MO, ma!

funny how the world works this out, eh? the things that bother you the most, are just small pieces of a bigger puzzle. and those things that might not even think twice about -- become the biggest turning point in your life.

tomorrow, our kids are having their school assembly showcasing the poems that we worked on for the past month. 120 kids ya'll.. serious! J will be dj'n so it should be nice. friday we are both in the new jersey finals for the team pick for national poetry slam and saturday i have tickets to see Shang at Caroline's on Broadway (poet and comedian...better comedian than poet). so its a busy weekend.

gotta go exercise this atrophic ankle of mine...

live from brooklyn,

mahogany l. browne

if i were a rich girl!

na na na na na na na na naaaaa!

love the gwen stafani remake... me and amari act up when the video comes on! my and my one cast does the chair dance (how many of ya'll remember claire on the huxtables with the jacked up foot - chair dancing? holla!)


can i tell you how im in love with my entire writing class? they are so incredible! we have so much fun in our sessions, talkin about the drawbacks of having a 6th finger and arguing the usage of vagina (please poets - dont USE this word. as J says, we are writers -- here to say the words without actually SAYING the words!)

all the riches won't mean anything

and i think i have the most socially conscious youth in the world! they are so fabulous they inspire me to make music change for our future. they actually broke down the importance of lil kim and the drawbacks! crazy... i will share our assignment sometime next week. write to your inner chicken head.

wont bring what your love can bring

johnnie cochran died. he was well known for OJ (oh boy) but should be known for so much more. like representing a Haitian immigrant tortured by New York police
a 19-year-old black woman who was shot a dozen times by police as she sat in a locked car
Reginald Denny, a white trucker who was beaten by a mob during the 1992 Los Angeles riots.
Tupac Shakur on a weapons charge
and rapper Snoop Dogg on a murder charge
just to name a few.

there aint no other baby whose loving is better than yours
going to the physical therapist right now. j brought some banging donuts home -- so im bout to aCk up!

in a minute...

its like that cha'll

mariah can sing - when she want to. just watching her video - hate the line about chickens with ash and she's the lotion...

speaking of chickens. that's what my Women In Hip Hop Class is working on for their first assignment. "write a letter to your inner chickenhead". it was inspired by Joan Morgan (when chickenheads come home to roost). basically its about being honest about the stereotypes that we actually perpetuate (i.e., girl, look at his shoes! or - he gotta hooptie, he betta not come and try to talk to me!). hell, we love listening to Destiny's Child talk about Pay My Bills, etc... so when we deal with songs and rap lyrics from men saying "fuk dez money hungry bitches" we take off our hoochie mama skirts and put on the dashiki talkin bout "feminism!" yea, we have a choice -- but how effective are our choices when were aren't consistent?

so -- tonite is my class with P. Smith and the cave canem group...nice!
did the slam last nite -- i won by .1 -- my manz PETER from BRISTOL rep'd! his last poem was actually him moving his eyebrows up and down (as if he were reading outloud) and he scored a crazy 29.6! nuts

looking forward to the upcoming months. my bday is april 20th (hollllllllllllla) imma be twenty-something! lol imma be none of ya damn business! lmao but we leave for austin on april 13 - 18, then im in VA for the WORD UP Festival in MAYhen we have an all female squad (aka femme fatale) rep'n at the souther fried regionals in JUNE! as my students in UK might say standard

so -- back tot he drawing board ya'll. i gotta go work on this assignment. i've been hiding from it for a minute! like jive says - im going to have a shootout on writer's block


word

taste test (WIP)

He said my lips tasted like a new day
Thick
Pulls of change
Exchanged like
Phone numbers
Handshakes
And glances
Meaningful
Quick
He played me wicked
I crossed ankles prepared to make a wish
Change his mind
Remind him that there were more flavors
Curving the curves of my curvage
Crucible
Letters couldn’t spell out my truth

He said I tasted like taboo
Sweet
Sour
Honest
And painful
Pulled me deep
Climbed inside my self
kicked off his shoes
Licked the rounds of my round
Walls shook like Los Angeles earthquakes
he
tall defined
and mine
lips
smirked at edges
dimples swam dark brown
waters
as he tasted me
for the first time on the top of the second hour
he had a knack for making me feel like a snack
had me ready to lace up my boots for change
and social stance
challenging the injustices of man and woman
he seduced my lips
with his own
planted ideas of want
and needs
with exclamation points
and I couldn’t feel my toes
held breath
as he licked
and tugged
and loved my strawberry filing
mouthful

he murmured my punany tasted like revolution
like child soldiers
and fair wages
like gentrification
and family unity
like yes
and no
and yes
and yes
and now when he kissed me
sticky with pleasure
I could taste it too

there is a certain elegance to the women of the '60s. if i could go back - that would be the era. the music the movement - it was so visceral. intense. and gorgeous. my man fell in love with an etta. i understood -- as i did as well. we decided to share her. this is the only time a tryst of this nature can exist. a musical menage. lol, whatever. so here are the lyrics to my newest find. nii is with me on the soul classics. i was a part of his original cast for a soul session and am looking forward to the new one (a poetry show dedicated to poets paying homage to the soul classics thru poetry and prose). so im thinking i will jump on this bad mamajamma right here! tell me if you fell in love with it to and we can trade notes!

m

etta jones - don't go to strangers 1960's remade by etta james 1990's

Build your dreams to the stars above
But when you need someone to love
Don't go to strangers, darling, come to me
Play with fire till your fingers burn
And when there's no place for you to turn
Don't go to strangers, darling, come to me
For, when you hear a call to follow your heart
You'll follow your heart I know
I've been through it all, for I'm an old hand
And I'll understand if you go
So...
Make your mark for your friends to see
But when you need more than company
Don't go to strangers, darling, come to me

quote

imitation may be the sincerest form of flattery
but not the best form of writing
- L Word

twas a cool affair: a choreo-poem of my night out...

try something different... what the hell

cornelia was cool
packed house
narrow stairs
taunting my crutches
dammit

afterwards
solomons porch
new black owned business in brooklyn
with really good chicken parmigiana
atmosphere
and wine tasting
no thanks on the wine

i enjoy chillin with fisiwe
chris slaughter
noshawn the streets
true
infinite
drew
j and amari

made it home to eat honey bbq chips and politic
about the next movement...
laugh ourselves to sleep
awaken at 3am courtetsy of a paralyzing pain
in my ankle and heel

decide to write
check email
and listen to cats
chase each other through dark hallways

browse cable channels
rub oil on my leg, ankle and heels
watch some of these movies we ordered on netflix
anacondas for me
fat albert cartoons for him

i want some cereal
and a chance to think
without stanza's breathing
down
my
neck

love is in the air...

yesterday:
last nite was inspiring. i performed at columbia for the women's benefit. and its such an incredible group. they allow you to support a woman in africa, iraq and other places. help through monthly payments of 20 bucks or so to support her training, schooling, etc. you can become her pen pal in a way, check on her progress until she transfers out of the program and then you can then sponsor another woman. really fly idea check it out: www.womenforwomeninternational.com
besides, i love performing with celena. she is one of the most incredible poets and performers ever. i hate when people give me the title - she's one of the hottest FEMALE poets. like, if i wasn't a woman, i wouldn't be hot? no categories please. that's like saying "she's smart - for a girl". or the one i've heard all my life "she's pretty -- to be darkskinned!" lol but i digress

her work as a writer always astounds me. and her "originality" is refreshing. you know, people with original ideas and concepts -- hell, give me an original perception - are incredible to me. and sharing a stage with her (and akua) was dope. word.

right now:
today is wierd. i can feel it in the air... maybe that's just the radiator hissing. or j spinning records in the background. days like these are cool. we ain't ate and i'm starving -- but it feels filling. this feeling. taste like accomplishment. maybe because i just talked to my newest london connection. im excited about my travels back across the pond. i wasn't at first. but now -- i can see the potential in this opportunity.

can you smell what the MO is cooking? lol

so im looking up rental lists throughout nyc. hard times ya'll... they want 1100 for a 2bdrm... nyc is a bunch of crooks! yea, i see you mr. tow man... you heard me. i said it. fuk da police!

sorry for the rant. it's definitely the creative energy bursting around this damn place! i have an assignment to complete for class on tuesday. i have a lesson plan to finish putting together for my women in hip hop series on monday (come join me! urban word @ teachers and writers 5 union sq west) and a show tonite (Cornelia Street Cafe, NYC 6pm ).

words n verbs rolled tight like a dutch - "kovas & delasoul"

tarot cards, happy ever afters and the land of eery...

yup. so i got my tarot cards read. it was so wierd. i would share what she said -- but then, i don't know if that's part of the jinxing. either way she told me too much good stuff for me to chance it. lol
i asked her if she ever thought about offering these services via internet. you don't know how much money you would make! (lu - you gotta take this to the masses and what better way than internet?)

she told me about my career, my love, my future and my haters. which was real interesting. she told me about my upcoming trips and the people i would travel with. i was too spooked by the information because she started talking real life ish pretty quickly... and not the what do you think type of ish. she just asked me my sign and went to work... nice

afterwards, i went to sleep with a smile. word.

quote

this is such a reflection of my life. thanks to lucent for hipping me to the quote. she knows my mission towards bootylicious-ville!

"even in school i was private. it kept my name out of people's mouths. not because i was ashamed of anything or because i wasn't passionate about who i was dating, but because it seemed more PURE when i treated it like it was sacred" -beyonce

a screwy day & the art of being let down easy...

class was so crazy. it was our last day and then there was a freekn fire drill! we were five flights up and i had to hop my ass down them stairs regardless of how i felt. i felt like crap. i didnt even wanna be there. the politics involved are so damn tiring... thank gawd the kids are worth it!

what im listening to: faith evans "again" - why is that the joint right now? im still feeling amerie "1 thing" - i have this secret obsession with go go music. i went online to find who was really killing it, cause my friends are either from balitmore (well known adversary of dc music) or like kenji - mr. dc hisself - too busy for my cripple ass!

we ate some bangin' ass soulfood from the soulfood kitchen over on kingston. why am i so excited to find out they deliver now! what? nuts -- its over. i better eat while i can, once i start that damn physical therapy on monday - im working it out all ova! das right ya'll - beyonceville, here i come... early !

watching BET and they have a segment called Q&A on Dating...

today's topic: how do you ask someone out?
answer: never do it through email. always in person.

cute. i wonder if people really practice this etiquette. lol i can't front - j and i were talking about why some women continue sweating a dude. and we agreed -- its because women rarely have to seek company. so when they go for something they want, they aren't accoustmed to hearing the word "no". we won't even get into all the confusion that the chasing can cause. how desparate she looks and how its a turnoff. let's keep it strictly surface.

me, being the woman advocate that i am, argued for a minute. ok - an hour. but after deep thought and intensive analysis on women's behavior - agreed. have we taken for granted the assertiveness of male callers? are we so USED to men stepping to us that our ego bubble is burst when we make it so easy for them?

as women, we have been taught to think "boys want your stuff". and when you become and adult, men are attracted to said "stuff" - so you think you have the upper hand. J says most women do (have the upper hand). i don't agree. i believe we dress how we think we need to for attention (before we get a clue), we style ourselves (around women that these men fawn over via tv, magazines). we try to think like men so we can deal with them without getting our heart broken (ex: Imma sleep with whoever i want? men can do it why can't i?) - and he says WE have the upper hand? ok granted. men get all these superficial things to attract women (if you wanna date a chick like beyonce you gotta be rich like jay-z, get it?) -- but that's a whole 'nother bag of sea salt and black pepper chips.

i've seen women hang out with girlfriends and NO ONE talk to them. i've watched women sit alone her friends date and mate frequently... he says women choose this. says thats an extreme case. and all men have been turned down before which is why they don't take the "stop" sign so hard. women however, are spoiled - used to having men go out of their way. and when they show interest and the idea of this man getting their "stuff" not be enough - they blow a fuse.

now i don't know why women lose their cool upon the "no thank you" notice. don't know what light comes on (or doesn't) don't know what they are thinking. i have girlfriends that think they wait it out. and when nothing happens -- he's a bag of dogs! they think if they throw it REAL hard - he will come to his senses. i don't know. i'm sure there are couples that exist because she persisted. but i know MORE couples that don't exist simply because "he's not that interested."

so when it doesn't work out. when her begging and pleading doesn't crack the penis lock. she questions everything from her looks "is it because i'm ugly?" to her sense of self "is it because i'm needy?"

i say "you aren't ugly. just desparate and that is never attractive."

lack of originality & other things that piss me off...

ok. let's make this clear. i am a writer. this is my livelihood. i love sharing my work online - even with biters in the wings - i do this. j suggested this years ago, and now that i have tried and become addicted to it. i love it. but let's be clear. these words are here to spark ideas and conversations. not to lace your journal, online diary, blog or new song for your lacking stage performance. not cool. if you want to use a piece, quote a poem - or whatever - remember, permission from the author is required. at all times. originality is just like patience - a virtue.

so keep perusing these pages. i love your comments and emails for those unable to post. it's good to know people are listening and i look forward to sharing with you soon...

myself when i am real,
mahogany l. browne

hell yea!

the cast is off! they rubbed the dead skin off my calve, ankle and toes. it was soooo ugly. j was looking like ew - but like a good man, he said. "oh thats ok". im thinking - this crap is ugly as all hell! lol where's the cocoa butta dammit! good news, i start physical therapy on monday! hallelujah!

oh yea -- other news!
got the ok this morning, my poem SPOON (below for those with terrible memories) has been included in the love poems manifesto moderated and created by alexander c. the project is called Rebel I Love You... good ish!

funny thing about life is you can always relive the good moments thru ya writing. and the bad moments -- you can blog them and wait for them to pass. just like annoying people. enjoy


rebel 12
spoon - by mahogany l. browne

face to face
breathing dreams
we lay
promising our limbs
after early touch n tag
that mornings like these
would be plentiful

pick up ya face!

damn. first class with critique session. aka slice ya creative throat with a rusty butter knife!

i leaped at the chance for this course because i need a soundboard. i am trying different things with my writing and wanted different ears to listen. besides the facilitator is out of this world!

so when the session started. i volunteered to read over mine first. i wanted to get that ish out the way. and it was funny. how it started off first, slowly. this was nice. this was good. this made me feel like aight... -- then it hit! it was so painful - it reminded me of the first time an editor massacred, ahem, i mean edited my profile piece for XXL. i was a mere intern and was so proud to have an assignment within a couple of weeks on the job. after i got back the piece - i didn't even remember writing that shyt! i was like -- i said that? i don't even talk like that --this was a close second. they didn't rewrite my poem -- the ideas were cool, its good to hear what your readers perspective. but that don't make the cuts less painful, just easier to mend.

the two experiences were parallel. except this time i didn't roll my head like an Oakland chick -- instead i took notes. said thank you after the slaughter, and went to the rest room to assure no scars were visible. art be like that though. no one wants to hear they have an ugly baby -- and my writing is my child. i wanna hear it has my eyes. and is smart and funny... i don't wanna hear -- "wow. it looks just like you!"

back to the drawing board...word

email from chad turned mission

author of “Network for Success” says:

your mission for the day is to take something
that you love doing and invite somebody to do it with you.


classic

paris hilton and other freaks of nature

I.
so now they want us to believe paris hilton coined the phrase "that's hot!" VH1 gave dis chick an award for Big Catchphrase of 2004.
im so not hearing that shyt. paris coined "that's hot" if vivica fox didn't get her groove back with 50 Cent!

the fact that Baby Mama Drama, Booty Call, Shiznet, Bling Bling and other Hip Hop phrases have made headlines (and have been added to the webster's dictionary) like wildfire is an even bigger reason to question the heiress as creator of a term that has been used in Hip Hop since Krs One "That's Not Hot", Cash Money - their entire catalogue is based on hot. and even a group is named the HOT BOYZ (the term derives from the south for cats that sale corner pharmaceuticals) and so many more. now. i'm not mad at the shine homegirl is getting. i watch her show (when J lets me - he's so stuck up! lol). but im not falling for da okey doke.

II.
pot pies? i hate pot pies. do not like them. they remind me of sheperds pie. and that so reminds me of london. i was looking at pictures the other day. i like london. alot. i dont like some things about it -- but overall. i think that's the place where i could change my literary direction. they have an appreciation for the arts and it aint about the dance. that's so real. cause we dancing in america. but i took off my dancing shoes awhile back. only get my groove on to soul classics with my man. leave the words to dance on my tongue while on stage.

III.
rolling of the eyes. yes. this is something many of us woman and some men mastered during grade school. one thing we knew -- within several butt whoopings -- was that you DO NOT roll your eyes at your parents. this act will be followed by "who you think you iz!?" well, as a parent. i had my first experience with this crap. yea me!? amari was upset because i wouldn't let her keep my fax box in her room for her simulated "karate" classes (dont ask) and decided she was gonna let me have it eyeball style. and it was sooooo perfect. i was like, whoa. she mastered that shyt so soon? but then it hit me. she just dissed me!? so after i threatened her, like only a mother knows how. i made her sit in the living room with no tv and no talking. this pissed her off. then after she ate dinner in the same place i sent her to her room to write an entire page on why she wouldn't do this anymore. this is what she wrote and exactly HOW she wrote it (excerpt):

i will never roll my eyes anymore because it will hurt people's fillings and they roll their eyes at you because you did it to them. you got to be nice to people or else they will be mean to you and your eyes will roll over and you wont be able to see or go to school. just see your own brain. you will have to go to the hospital so they can get some new eyeballs for you to see agin. you should not do it to an adult or an teacher because you will be in trouble and get a wopein from your moms and dads. dont roll your eye because it is not polite to be a big brat who would be mean to everybody you wouldnt have no friends to help you.

damn. this girl keeps me on my toes...

IV.
shows n sh*t!

im amped. finally back on the gravy train. i have a doctor's appointment today & my writing class with the incredible p. smith. but even betta -- i have shows all weekend!

friday - Columbia University (this is a benefit supporting women 4 women. a group focused on helping women in africa) 6pm

sat - Cornelia Street Cafe -- feature at a cool spot in lower manhattan...i'm looking forward to the weekend. 6pm

mon - Urban Word Women in Hip Hop series. 430pm

my assistant/teen mentor is one of my best students (ever) ms. sarah lawrence herself AJA! she is fierce ya'll. very inspirational and sooo adorable! she loves the word. and one of my few students that performed for my teen mom's group. which is a hard feat considering they are pregnant and dont wanna hear SHYT! lol

ight!
countdown fam. we have 3 weeks and 4 days to go. check out my ova blog if you wanna see how the scars look. ick. but its cool - cause he still rubs my toes. and life can't get much better than that.

by 5...

0
Daddy’s first born
Bursting with life and questions
Bicenntennial baby
She was early
Too soon from mama’s womb
They didn’t think she would make it
Words spoken too soon

5
Repeat after me “walk fast before I beat yo ass”
Daddy shoved shoulders
And mommy slumped forward
I hummed to the tune in my head
Pretended I was a ballerina instead
Didn’t want to focus on the swollen tissue
Too bright for lipstick to disguise
Her eyes nursed a pain I’ve never seen before
Police officers shouted while steel barrels echoed their warnings

10
this was when i stopped humming

15
forgot what it was like to hear daddy’s laugh
mama’s tears were replaced
with opaque rocks
smoked under fire
burning embers and bridges
stealing childhood
like nickel candies with closed fists
and quick feet
I crawled under bed spaces
Past the dust bunnies
Searching for mama’s tongue

20
baby kicks
she loves the rhythm of my song
shadows that crowd 3X5 paper
remind me I’m not alone
first love left
just like daddy
history ain’t no sucka
wish I paid closer attention
as lover’s reflection became daddy
how didn’t I recognize the resemblance
pretended I was a ballerina again
no one ever forgets how to kick ball change

25
prayers keep me sane
I lost both daddy’s and discovered my song
She was sipping my soul on a beach
Watching sun sets
Offered me my sanity like a toke
Instead I scribed the medicine on a postcard
To mama
Giving her the will to reclaim her song

my thing...

if anyone knows me they know several things. i am so enthralled with spongebob... anything and everything. i have the shower curtain. the life-size spongebob a surprise birthday present. the toothbrushes. dvd box set. backpacks -- ya get me?

i am addicted to CAP N CRUNCH cereal. i open my feature sets (or i used to) talking about how much i love capn crunch. for my people overseas -- if you haven't had any, send me your addy. i feel its my duty to let you taste a piece of heaven! and i was so into it -- a high school boyfriend HAD to meet me with a box of said item just because it was that serious. i've even had the pleasure of an audience member bringing a box of said item, to the side of the stage as i said i was willing to marry (ok, i went too far with this one) but it was a good laugh *and i kept the cereal* nonetheless.

i also have a crazy attraction to men that wear baseball caps, have NY accents and vast knowledge of hip-hop... and after peeping my significant you'd understand! i cry everytime i watch the color purple. i cry when i think of my grandmother. i cry when i talk to his mom. i cry when i think of my relationship with my mom. i buy books like crack. i watch reality tv (moreso because of the cast) but i can't front -- i liked them before the injury. and i love shoes.

however, i have a huge downfall, something that i'm working on: forgiveness. i never forgive easily. and i can endure a lot of things once you are in my heart - but once you are out -- it's a wrap. my sister says i need to trust people more. she doesn't understand my life. she thinks i should've married twice already. i don't think she believes in love but opportunity. she beleives i wait for people to mess up so i can toss them aside without remorse. says im just noose tying in the interim. says im never really open to anyone.

i love my sister. dearly. but she is the LAST person to speak about these things! i have watched her play cats out without even a smirk on her face. this is the same woman that used my ID to open up faulty accounts and get traffic violations. she is the woman that showed me how to watch the slither of woman lusting for a taken man. that was the building of a foundation! just the beginning! maybe she could've proven to me that woman can co-exist before i had to relearn the truth in my mid-twenties. maybe she could have shown me thru example how to deal with these things -- rather than resorting to violence. something i'm too good at for my own good. i write because of these things. she laughs at my poems sometimes. says im still not opening up on stage. says i could be married. says i shouldnt settle. she says this as a single mother of my neice and nephew. her load is just as heavy as mine -- if not worse. she remains the anchor of our family. or plays like it on occassion. and i want to learn how to be the woman she says i need to be. but the things that she questions the most -- are the things that make me ... ME. make me complex and sexy and crazy...not SQUIRRILY but flyy and unique. and real. and honest.

and i know she means well. though sometimes its hard to tell beneath the tough exterior. nevertheless, she reminds me of what i need to work on. even when she pisses me off the most.

we live in brooklyn

no sleep
just skin on skin
and plenty of leftovers
brooklyn's best kept secret

it hit the fan!

the goofy movie presented on disney is on. amari is loving it and she says "MOMMY look!"
i dont even KNOW what goofy is, but his son is enamored by a beatnik poet drowned in a black beret and black turtleneck. she uses bongos, coins and spotlights for props. the crowd showers her with fingersnaps.

damn me to hell now.

life really be like WHOA!
when something terrible happens in my life i be like whoa
then something incredible balances my ish out! so i be like whoa
im in the trenches so you know im like whoa!
damn. no wonder i aint get signed to bad boy... still, the writing workshops are hot -- my family is crazy -- my apartment issue is nutso -- my ideas are blazing! new projects in the right wing/drama queens in the left (exit)! -- hey, that sorta rhymed??

mic check -- cats in this biz are so hemmorhodish! (ya know, irritating & expendable) however, my ankle is feeling spectacular. though my knee has been feeling the pain courtesy of this damn paper weight around my foot. started looking up gym memberships so i can get this physical therapy thang going.

gotta get ready for the summer. that means plenty of cocoa butter and vitamin e oil (for the ankle scars). and while amari (mis thang in the pic!) is in cali and i will be traveling. this is a promise i made myself. im skipping thru airports in london for a conference, dominican republic for an even deeper tan and new orleans for a doom concert. who say you can't live? haters, i see you. thanks for the inspiration! supporters, i love you & without you -- none of this could happen. j, amari -- i couldnt think straight without you two. thank you for reminding me of the important things in life.

if i could sell this happiness in a bottle -- id be dead. ya know, they kill the rich, smart and history changing black folk!

built like that: in dem genes

amari was at school today and some cat was bothering her friend Jamal. instead of letting him sit under the rain fire of hate (and awkward punches) amari stepped in and kicked the boy in his chest.

i asked her "why did you do that?"

she said "Jamal is my friend. i had to help him. i had to protect him."

i said nothing. i understand her position completely.

the moral is: if you mess with minez -- i will have to kick you in the chest. end of story.

love ,

the beautiful and violent onez

(thanks PRINCE)

internet shopping, albums and insomnia

so J and i have been online alot. ok i have and he has been waiting his turn. lol i can't help it. i've been searching for those hard to find musical treasures... what was ME booty you say?

ledisi, a bay area native *you know we stay wit the talent* ; gravediggaz - his call; prince paul's prince of thieves (one of the most incredibly insane and innovative themed hip hop albums of our time) our favorite & the streets: original pirate jumpoff - my call but OUR pleasure. good stuff! i received my olu dara's in the mail. that was real groovy... and i borrowed J's Doom collection and fell in love with SUPA offa the MM...Food album.

Tweet is dropping a new album: IT'S ME AGAIN on March 22nd... i love her work. if you have the first album, i know you feelin' SMOKIN CIGARETTES... i don't even smoke, matter of fact - can't stand the smell... but this joint is about feening so much you hurt yourself -- it's what blues' songs are built on. check the hook:

Newport's, Winston's, Salem's, Marlboro Lights
Don't matter what the kind is
Cause you got me smoking out on you
Got me puffin' 'bout a pack a night
And I know it ain't healthy
Nervous and tremblin'
Smoking cigarettes at night
Wondering where you been
Smoking cigarettes at night
I can't cope with this
Smoking cigarettes at night
Your the one to help me quit
Smoking cigarettes at night

still don't believe me then go listen to the clip at www.amazon.com ... anyway -- we have a class to teach in the morning and those damn 8th graders can smell the lack of sleep. they thrive offa the chance to dance on ya last nerves. but worth it. definitely. i start teaching the "women in hip hop" poetry class... that's gonna be fun... just have to figure out how to manuever with the cast -- just 4 weeks and 4 days to go! nah nah nah na nah naaaaa!

i also have a women's outreach session with the poet's grant of nyc and things have picked up quite smoothly. i have my very first couture sponsor for tours with urban earth ( http://www.urbanearth.net ) where the designer Basheba Earth has created some of the flyest ish i have ever seen. and because i'm not usually the girly type, i was a bit skeptical. until she wrapped some fabric around me that slid on like butta and worked well with my adidas in the process! mind you -- this is the same systa that sold pieces to Angie Stone & Beyonce! (i told ya i was on my way to beyonce-ville, didn't i? LOL)

ms deb and the clan said i was doing too much -- i guess they were right. now that i have slowed down and taken inventory -- i have a lot of things in perspective. i guess that's what happens when you stop, sit back and stand the rain...

quotes

"Well-behaved women rarely make history" Anonymous

*courtesy of rose d. she inspires me whether she realizes it or not...

he says...

we are going to be stars
this is how it begins
don't worry
they're not worth it
i nod
know his words will be the end of things
watch his attention turn off
easy
like light switches
wish i could find mine

we laugh at their expense
i almost forget it's a game
no one knows the truth
just the players
only us
squeezed between time and tight spaces
we work diligently
lose sleep
lose friends
lose days
forget how to love ourselves
practice on weekends and days off

he brings me sunlight when i least expect it
my smile is enough gratitude
i offer him the world and my heart
he ties bows around my finger
as a reminder to remember this feeling
i know his eyes
watched them undress me
we couldn't wait
let danger tongue kiss us during intermission

nothing compares to the sound of a man
whispering your name
ask me how i know
i'll ask you why you care?
and we will continue
to sleep with the door locked
...as it should be

songs to live by:

He's Mine: MoKenStef -- remember them? the trio *one hit wonder* that sang to another girl about wanting HER man? the song is crazy dumb - as her man was with this other chick, but definitely some ish women life by. LOL

Who Is He & What Is He To You: Bill Withers -- this is a classic! bill is talking to his woman about peeping the lil' secretive crap that was going on with her and the next man in the room. he is so smooth that he has these guitar riffs that make your spine quake. very flyy, very flyy indeed.

Fool Of Me: Meshell Ndegecello -- c'mon. this was and is a break up song for dat ass! anyone who has ever been played feels this song. men and women alike! God! i love this joint.

Inside Me: Meshell Ndegecello -- ok, this is the freak nasty song. and very very good to ahem, admire your loved one/significant other to. it is long, seductive and so sexxxxxy you might forget where you are. so beware your location when listening to this joint!

Black Gold Of The Sun: Nuyorican Soul -- ok, J turned me on to this one. actually most of my 70's and earlier joints (minus the soul jump off's) are because of him. his collection is impressive and so addictive. this joint makes me want to dance - thank goodness the cast doesn't get in our way!

All Cried Out: Lisa Lisa & Cult Jam -- cmon! i know you know all about this! i just bought it on amazon. this is the must have for the break up and getting over it mode. it's strong, it's inspirational -- it's freekin' electric bugaloo meets Lisa Lisa and Full Force HELLO??!

Little Girl Blue: Nina Simone -- my favorite. i read her autobiography long after i fell in love with her. fell back in love with her after playing one song. this is so true. women living life and wearing the bruises after the fact. very deep... so is The Other Woman. but that's another story.

As We Lay: Shirley Murdock -- now you know! ya momma was playing this joint on Saturday clean up's! this is the most provocative cheater song in history. im sure of it. and as much as i hate cheaters -- i understood this song and sang it like i lived it.

Darling Nikki: Prince -- whoa. i met this chick. im sure of it. ya know that freaky don't give a damn type of woman? lol her saving grace is Prince & The Revolution...

Use Me: Bill Withers -- another withers classic. GAWD! this is my life. so into the person that they can play you out but they love you soooo good, it don't matter! lol well, maybe not my life -- but i know the intensity my man is crooning.

Try A Little Tenderness: Otis Redding -- all a man has to do is listen to this song. and he will forever have a woman. have mercy

I Love You More Than You'll Ever Know: Donny Hathaway -- if you have no clue what this song is. you probably ain't felt love this hard. it's raw. so raw, it cuts when he sings "if i ever hurt you -- you know i hurt myself as well!" ummm. this is something i listened to every morning for a month before leaving a really bad relationship. i don't know -- i guess it gave me the strength.

At Last: Etta James -- we love her. this song is the all time favorite. i think it was voted the most used song in American movies. if you haven't heard it -- download it. this is what romantic songs were made from. the purity, the faith, the belief...it's what keeps me here...

tomorrow: i will put out the must have Hip Hop joints. if im missing something... holla

this was our mexican sunset...

turn offs

i met a man that asked me what turned me off. i thought it was an odd pickup line so i replied

people that:
smoke
lie
cheat

people who are:
fake
desparate
conniving

people without:
souls
self respect
tact
initiative
drive

i think i rambled on for a good minute before he laughed and said, "damn, you must not like nobody!" lol -- i guess not.


a brief summary over the last day...

tues: missed appointment with doctor for this damn cast. we were too tired to get up on time. got breakfast in bed. we went back to sleep until the afternoon sun kissed us...again LOL sammy made it back to the city. i have to retract a statement! i said "WHY WOULD ANYONE WANT TO LIVE IN NYC" and as my 2nd day in Manhattan, i was incredibly happy to be alive! so because sammy was in the city and wanted to shop i suggested SOHO. and with prices as they are in LONDON, she would make a killing! we caught up over coffee. laughed too long, shook our heads even longer. and found out how everything, one way or another, is relative... don't you love those moments...? when you say "OHHHH -- that's what THAT! MEANT!" as J says, hindsight is always 20/20... (anyway, i'm sorry sammy. didn't know the wackness was like dat!) afterwards, went to class. it was exceptional. i love Patricia Smith. she is too fly for the world! had an incredible assignment. will work on it more before i post it. but i will post it.

that evening, we wanted manna's but agreed on jamaican food. caught a cab to brooklyn. then my people's john cab'd us from the crown heights to bed-stuy (all for that damn movie? BLAH) we ate dinner. consumed too much Pepsi, i'll save that story for later *LMAO* watched south park until we fell asleep...sorta. i couldn't sleep. dammit Sammy and that STARBUCKS!

Dis is da cast...in all its splendor!