sat - sunday daze

chilled with my sis this week. it was really good for both of us. she is a great person, and it's funny how you find out how much you like your siblings (after all the fights are done!)... she took me to 94th aero -- a happy hour and club/lounge in san diego. i danced so hard and so long that i got several drink offers (from men and women) on some "u really workin' dat cast ma! you killin' da dance floor -- whatcha drinkin?"

but i just nodded my appreciation and fell into the groove of steppin' in the name of love (line dance style) the cha cha slide and of course all the old school dances: smurf, pacman, guess - or as drakari (erika's friend) says "the southside!?", walking the dog, the whop and soooooo much more.

i dont think i went to sleep til 6am the next morning. and then we got up just to have a triathlete competition! erika, dk and i competed in: bowling, monopoly, pac man, spades, dominoes and miniature golf. i took amari go kart riding afterwards and it's just been a blast. i'm headed to oakland for the rest of the week before seattle's Musica festival (i'm opening for salt of salt n pepa!) and Christa's exclusive Mahogany L. Browne Showcase @ The Black Girls Ball!

haven't had a chance to really sit down and think about the next step -- as you know j and i try to stay on top of the world, creatively. i think i have an incredible idea though... i will get at ya in a minute!

cali girl dreaming of bklyn boy
m

drama

i hope ya'll had fun peep'n my time on tour or at home... i will try to put atleast once a week. just so you can see the characters that i get to meet! i'm blessed. i know this. regardless of the biters and the haters -- they are just my fuel injection. a reminder to keep it moving or the leeches will suck you dry!

the show is coming along well. dj equipment issues aside - we have our ticket sales at an all time high and we are so loving the cast! already have our next lineup in the works! can you say hell to the naw? (too much "being bobby brown" reality show!)

if it ain't in the world -- its in my house! my fam can be bonkers. i swear! im like -- look at the news, people are dying! and you here trippin? i don't have the patience. so i'm out. going bowling with the kids. yup - broken ass ankle cast and all! "don't knock the hustle fa real, yo!" (jay-z)

my incredible writers class after the workshop performance (to right) hallie (dope), kerry ann (crazy), barbara (ct's finest), ed (the dancing machine!), roger (the newly shaved mohawk), camara (my jamaican systa), erika (takin ova chicago) & mya (the spirited)... Poet's House, NYC 2005

patricia smith. my hero. she is currently getting over a stint in the hospital. my prayers are with you (and amari says she misses grandma and grandpa! lol)

the most beautiful painting - by an incredible painter in denver, co named Natiq. good luck with the move to PA homie...

shelle the neo soul-dier, playing dominoes like a... soldier? hell i ran out of stuff to say! lol

reggie, taalam, me and jive... poetry afterparty in austin 2005 -- they do it right out there ya'll!

aubrey and her mama Austin's Jo... isn't she adorable??

aja's graduation! look how pretty and grown up she looks? my girl is interning at nickelodeon for the summer! yeaaa

this is the little boy that likes amari! j calls him "steve"!

drumline revisited -- i think that's why we didnt get home until 10pm! but it was worth it!

the dancing exhibit after her show -- it was beautiful!

amari all dressed and ready for her first play (with solo lines) ever! jun 21, 2005

muhibb and a true wordsmith (no screaming, no dancing -- just poetry) named scripture

we had a swinging time after a well-needed trip to Elsa's! hot wings anyone??

me and my nigerian systa adugo. she taught me about alters, liberation and ahem, movements! hostess with the most shyt talkin' since 1995!

this brother (dan) owns a beautiful jazz club and can actually write the hell outta a poem! business-minded and creative? word!

my favorite smiling revolutionary: muhibb... he hooked up the ill tour through the mil's hood including a trip to edwaurdo's (spinach stuffed pizza) by the beach (what beach? -- yea, i thought the same damn thing about milwaukee!)

my girl dasha... she run's milwaukee ya'll... mama duck represent! cop her book All Fall Down (syntax 2003)

my girls! aja (left) is headed to sarah lawrence & sasha (right) is headed to howard. watch out world -- they can write they asses off! :)

my woman in hip hop class -- urban word 2005... i love these kids!

ms amanda and i -- aipf 2005. right after she won the anthology award and before our coffee break!

amari holding it down at the kids' discovery place...

jivepoetic & big mike (southern fried 2nd place indie!) being so jersey! disrespectful LOL

so much going on -- thought i'd share some good time withca... enjoy!me and likwid's wife... kimmie is the truth, trust me! southern fried 2005, charlotte

a london prayer...

heard about the news when i checked online...

sent out emails like crazy... thank goodness nii, marie, tuggstar & benny are ok... waiting to hear back from sammy & leo, eska, agnes, elayne, ebele, afro gee & shortman...

i know what its like to look in the sky and smell humans -- lingering dust clouds and spirits tangle in the wind.

makes you really wonder -- if this is their response -- what in the world are they reacting to?

...my prayers are with the wounded, the deceased and those that love them... my prayers are also with those souls walking amongst the ashes -- striving to live like none of this scares the shyt out of them.

ONLY 17 left! WEBSITE LAUNCH

www.jamonitpoetry.com
das right. jive and i have taken it ova... next stop - ya hood! lol
check out the new site! we only have 17 tickets left of the 120 seater
theatre!

www.jamonitpoetry.com

if you are asking yourself why you should check - don't! just check it out!
see the Slam Royalty that are blessing the mic! nevamind the biters, or the haters
it's a ploy! don't let 'em play you! if you were wondering how you could buy your ticket any sooner -- here's ya chance!

so what are you waiting on?

come thru! if you are coming from out of town -- let me know. i will hook u up with the hotel deals!

live from cali thinking of brooklyn!

recipe 4 man

for a brother going thru a hard time. i don't know if it is even my place to tell him this. but i feel his pain. i know the culprit -- and i wish him strength.


i.

how to break a man's heart
add scent of sex
red lipstick
attentive hugs
seductive grins
double meanings
sweet lies
illusion of trust
illusion of love
illusion of respect
stir
and pour
when he checks for his heart
she will be out the door
promising friendship
fellowship
love
and religion

ii.

how to mend a broken heart

trash her picture
ignore her emails
stop waiting for her call

when she begs for forgiveness
give it to her -- through silence
through prayer

don't sacrifice yourself
as a gift
she's no room for love, yet

breath a song
create a masterpiece
one for your future wife
and one for your future daughter
tell her how to love men properly
-- but first tell her how to love herself
this is important

ignore her instant messages

its a trap
its a trap
its a trap

remember the hurt
remember the pain
remember her smile - it warned you then
lips painted red for blood

offer her your blessings through whispers
against corners towards the moon
hope the light finds her
guides her through the darkness

certain it wont be your palms
pushing her towards the sun
again

hot fun in the summer time: essence music festival

beautiful black folk everywhere!

my flight got in late, so i missed meshell ndegecello, talib kweli, kanye west -- but made it for destiny's child. made it fun! dammit but i had the same flight as Kid Capri, Rod Styler (comedian) and the promoter of one of the biggest parties (featuring: H-Town, Melyssa Ford & D'Angelo) Big Shug.

was starving, as i waited to get to new orleans forever, then by the time we started getting dressed (think 4 women in a hotel room with a bag for clothes and a bag for shoes -- scary!) we headed out. after the hotel my sis wanted to party at club utopia, her new bourbon street find. i was tired -- but went anyway, until we got split up in the most busy street of America. i totally forgot about my passes to the Capri party, so i went back to the hotel, gladly, and crashed!

next morning. dressed and walked myself down two blocks to order food (finally) and chill at the bar while they made my catfish po boy to go. damien (the bartender) was on point with my double order of COFFEE! lol took it back to the room in time to see my sistren waking up. we head to MOTHER's a local southern food haven but the line is about 2 new york blocks long... i'm not hungry - so i laugh and sit back as we make a beehive to IHOP. the food is nasty - but the service is hospitable. go figure.

we head to the essence expo and pick up a couple of books, i cop carl hancock rux new joint "asphalt" -- haven't read it yet, as i am revisiting (kenji's first one) dark. after he mailed it to me -- i decided to give it a good read while on tour -- when i have nothing else to do. so it has my full attention. ps - its crazy good!

ok. so after that -- we finally get back. take a disco nap. we wake at 11pm, start the getting dressed process and head to Utopia again! don't ask me why! but -- it's crunk! we dance like we're 18. me and the cast act a damn fool -- until some dude named Craig tries a simulated sex act with me - then i have to push homie to the side and rest my ankle. i hold onto the dacing cage (yes there was one of those) until a systa and a young man rock it so hard that i look back and catch myself watching the first sex in a cage act eva! i walk to the stage to distance myself. whoa
we get bottles of water - cause as soon as you step in the heat and humidity washes over you -- feeling like a wet tongue from an unwanted kiss... just too uncomfortable! i sit on stage while my sis' acts a damn fool. i've realised, she's too old for most of the dances -- i mean, her body ain't bendy like it used to be - and she realises it after 3 hours, she catches a charley horse! lol we finally head back around 4am. take showers and talk until 6 before leave to beat the rush @ that spot MOTHER's. the food is so good - i repent all my sins!

our last day there, i get a massage, take a swim in the heated pool and buy souvenirs. it's a great way to end a vacation. headed back to cali 6 in the morning -- where i will visit fam, check on my lil' one and possibly write some more stuff!

i will be back on the touring schedule starting next week, so im going to get a manicure and another massage to help the stiffness in my ankle.

live from cali

punk

ass bitch ass trick ass airline... 2 hour delay for new orleans///


steaming in jfk international airport

slangin'

JAM ON IT tickets like crack! whoa

n mo stuff

chillin' ova in these parts people. the rain is back n forth
making it real hard to not slip. doc said i can remove the
cam walker (the robotic leg thingie!) but my foot is still too
fat to fit in my shoes... even my shell toes! :(

no worries!
we went to check out the theatre again for the aug 6th show. it
is just so amazing ya'll. the conception. the manifestation of
an idea? it's so beautiful. i promise you -- almost as good as
an orgasm. ok -- a small orgasm, but it feels good all the same!

i am selling tickets as we speak, crystal i ain't forgot about
you sweetie! push my paypal t-shirt joint on the site and i will send them out
immediately! lol believe it or not, we have sold over 50 tickets already!
the theatre only seats 120! so i'm very pleased, especially since
we haven't sent out the mass emailing! i love ya'll for that...

i gotta go work on takin' ova the world. me and he got mountains
to crush... in a minute

bklyn livin'

ps: shout to ms bassey. i believe in you sis. rock on!
mr hart -- hold it down in madison, thanks for the inspiration -- always welcomed
and definitely needed!
dasha. you are my systa, man. we knew this in canada, right? can't wait for the slumber party! co-ed, eh? lol see ya when i return in aug!
amari, mommy misses you.
black, thanks for the smoking quit. we love to hate you too much to see you kilt ova!
vic, as usual my gyrl that comes thru right on time.
esther - you deserve all the happiness in the world. im so proud of you.

da dopeness!

mr. d hart, from madison, WI wrote an incredible poem. he and his wife
have the most beautiful family! it was a joy hanging out with them while i toured
milwaukee & madison wisconsin! i posted the poem he wrote due to a conversation we
had about inspiration and lack of sources as a touring poet. touche' mr hart!




She reaches deeply
into her poetic pockets
and pulls out lent
because see she's spent
the last three hours bent
over wobbly bar tables listening
to uninspired drivel and endless
rhythmic drone

So when her name's called
she wants to use the microphone
to build linguistic structures
of poetic stone that she's
honed from kinetic energy
channeled telepathically from her head
to her
heart

And as she starts to build
she feels the microphone
between her fingers--
it is a thimble-sized phallic symbol other
poets have used to repeatedly
violate anything that resembles African history,

but the microphone transforms rapidly
into metallic pheromones that provide comfort and
therapy to the young masses that listen
at the open mic waiting to be moved, waiting for greatness

And her greatest greatness is
she knows that if the masses
hear more wacked poetry tonight
they may rise together in mutiny,
she knows
that if they hear more work not subject
to intense scrutiny, literary irony, self-edit
grammar, and spell check
they may just spray the joint

And her delivered verbs never disappoint us
but at some point her soul has to have the same
refreshment her body gives the masses
at some point her brain needs caressing,

I'm guessing

I'm guessing she wallows in
the empty hollow spaces in time created by Diogenes' mantra paraphrased,

blessed is she who keep on blessing

when all of the lessons she's learned from the sonnet
of single motherhood
are packed into a fifteen minute show
and rocked to be understood by the masses
who don't quite recognize her pain but
understand her flow

and so like Diogenes
she packs up her knapsack
heads to another venue
looking to be inspired.

(c) d. hart

fugee - la - la - long!

das right. da fugees rocked BET awards, got back together. i wasn't mad. however that damn performance was like a mini-concert. a bit much. but - when else would you have seen lauryn rocking that classy blunt cut wig? beautiful... just beautiful!

brewing in bklyn
(til fugees finish the new album!)

thxs rashida!

you know i've been in NYC too long when i can relate to over half of this damn list! now, here is the clencher! your homework is to complete a list similar to this about your OWN city. i will be making one for Oakland -- as that is my true home! can't wait to hear yours!

You Know You`re From New York City When...

You say "the city" and expect everyone to know that this means Manhattan.

You have never been to the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State Building.

You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle
to Battery Park at 3:30 on the Friday before a long weekend, but can`t find
Wisconsin on a map.

Hookers and the homeless are invisible.

The subway makes sense.

You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes
you multi-lingual.

You`ve considered stabbing someone just for saying "The Big Apple".

The most frequently used part of your car is the horn.

You call an 8` x 10` plot of patchy grass a yard.

You consider Westchester "upstate".

You think Central Park is "nature."

You see nothing odd about the speed of an auctioneer`s speaking.

You`re paying $1,200 for a studio the size of a walk-in closet and you think
it’s a "steal."

You`ve been to New Jersey twice and got hopelessly lost both times.

You pay more each month to park your car than most people in the U.S. pay in
rent.

Youhaven`t seen more than twelve stars in the night sky since you went away
to camp as a kid.

You go to dinner at 9 and head out to the clubs when most Americans are
heading to bed.

Your closet is filled with black clothes.

You haven`t heard the sound of true absolute silence since the 80s, and when
you did, it terrified you.

You pay $5 without blinking for a beer that cost the bar 28 cents.

You take fashion seriously.

Being truly alone makes you nervous.

You have 27 different menus next to your telephone.

Going to Brooklyn is considered a "road trip."

America west of the Hudson is still theoretical to you.

You`ve gotten jaywalking down to an art form.

You take a taxi to get to your health club to exercise.

Your idea of personal space is no one actually standing on your toes.

$50 worth of groceries fit in one paper bag.

You have a minimum of five "worst cab ride ever" stories.

You don`t notice sirens anymore.

You live in a building with a larger population than most American towns.

Your doorman is Russian, your grocer is Korean your deli man is Israeli, your
building super is Italian, your laundry guy is Chinese, your favorite
bartender is Irish, your favorite diner owner is Greek, the watchseller on your
corner is Senegalese, your last cabbie was Pakistani, your newsstand guy is Indian
and your favorite falafel guy is Egyptian.

You`re suspicious of strangers who are actually nice to you.

You secretly envy cabbies for their driving skills.

You think $7.00 to cross a bridge is a fair price.

Your door has more than three locks.

Your favorite movie has DeNiro in it.

You consider eye contact an act of overt aggression.

You run when you see a flashing "Do Not Walk" sign at the intersection.

You`re 35 years old and don`t have a driver`s license.

You ride in a subway car with no air conditioning just because there are
seats available.

You`re willing to take in strange people as roommates simply to help pay the
rent.

There is no North and South. It`s uptown or downtown.

When you`re away from home, you miss "real" pizza and "real" bagels.

You know the differences between all the different Ray`s Pizzas.

You`re not in the least bit interested in going to Times Square on New Year`s
Eve.

Your internal clock is permanently set to know when Alternate Side of the
Street parking regulations are in effect.

You know what a bodega is.

You know how to fold the New York Times in half, vertically, so that you can
read it on the subway or bus without knocking off other passenger`s hats.

Someone bumps into you, and you check for your wallet.....

You cringe at hearing people pronounce Houston St. like the city in Texas

Film crews on your block annoy you, not excite you.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from NYC.

how stella lost her damn groove!

so, i can't lie. i love angela bassett but i hated that damn movie "how stella got her groove back". but i didn't hate the movie enough to wish this on the sista. read the story below.

In a tale rich in lost love, closeted secrets and acrimonious divorce, it
turns out that famed local writer Terry McMillan -- whose celebrated romance
and subsequent marriage to a man 23 years her junior became the subject of
her fictionized best-seller "How Stella Got Her Groove Back" --
actually got her groove back with a man who now says he's gay.
The story is spilling out in made-for-Hollywood detail in Contra Costa
County Superior Court, where McMillan has filed for divorce from her
Jamaican- born husband of six years, Jonathan Plummer.
McMillan, 53, said in court documents that the marriage was based on a
"fraud'' because Plummer lied about his sexual orientation -- and married
her only to gain U.S. citizenship.
"It was devastating to discover that a relationship I had publicized to the
world as life-affirming and built on mutual love was actually based on
deceit,'' she wrote in her declaration. "I was humiliated."
Plummer, 30, countered in court papers of his own that McMillan has turned
on him with a "homophobic'' vengeance and is trying to force his return to
an uncertain future in Jamaica. He wants to void the couple's prenuptial
agreement that would keep from him most of the millions she's earned as a
writer.
He also claims he was denied his full share of royalties, as spelled out in
the prenup, from "How Stella Got Her Groove Back," the fictionalized account
of a single mother's torrid relationship with a Jamaican young enough to be
her son that very much parallels the lives of McMillan and Plummer.
Plummer's attorney, Dolores Sargent, said her client has no interest in
embarrassing McMillan or extorting money from her.
"All I want to do is settle the case in a way that's fair to both parties
... and that allows Jonathan sufficient funds to re-establish himself,''
Sargent said. "And we have been blocked.''
In court papers, however, McMillan leaves little doubt that she believes
Plummer was always motivated by money.
"Jonathan has manipulated me from the very beginning in his scheme to come
to the United States, become a citizen and get rich through someone else's
effort,'' McMillan wrote in one of her filings.
In fact, McMillan says Plummer zeroed in on her precisely because of her
celebrity status as an author whose earlier books included "Waiting to
Exhale, '' which sold some 4 million copies and was made into a movie.
In an interview, Plummer insisted that he didn't know he was gay when he met
McMillan in June 1995 at a Jamaican resort. Nor, he says, did he seize on
the author's fame.
"I was a 20-year-old kid when I met her and had no idea that she was anybody
other than an attractive, older woman,'' he said in court papers.
For her part, McMillan, who was then 42, said she worried when she first met
Plummer that he was interested only in her money. "But Jonathan was very
charming and made me believe that he was crazy about me,'' she told the
court.
The two eventually married in Maui on Sept. 8, 1998 -- but not before
Plummer signed a prenup that waived his rights to everything should they
ever part, including "temporary and permanent spousal support and attorney's
fees, '' according to court papers filed by McMillan.
The couple settled in McMillan's $4 million Danville home and, at least
according to Plummer, enjoyed a happy life -- until the last few years when
the marriage started coming undone.
"He became less attentive, less charming, more distracted and absent from
the home,'' McMillan wrote in her declaration.
Plummer said he was spending long hours with a dog-grooming business in
Danville that McMillan had set up for him a couple of years ago in apparent
anticipation of a split.
It wasn't until just before last Christmas, Plummer says, that the two
finally split -- after he revealed he was gay.
"I was kicked out of the house in December right after I told her,'' he said
in the interview.
In court records, however, McMillan says Plummer confessed to being gay only
after she confronted him about all his hours of phone calls to a male friend
living in Jamaica. She also says she later learned that Plummer was
participating in online gay chat sites.
In any event, judging from the court filings, the disclosure quickly turned
ugly. McMillan obtained a restraining order to keep Plummer from their
house, and she claimed she recently discovered that Plummer had embezzled at
least $200,000 from her bank accounts before and during their marriage. (He
admits in court papers "a gross error of judgment" in taking $62,000 without
her knowledge, but said that he was financially dependent on her during the
marriage and that he intends to pay it back.)
Plummer obtained his own restraining order against the author, alleging that
McMillan constantly harassed him for coming out of the closet, and at one
point walked into his dog-grooming business and tossed a ceramic object
across the room.
"She kept calling me, saying nasty things about me being gay, calling me a
fag,'' Plummer said in an interview.
In a Jan. 14 letter written by McMillan and filed with the court, the author
told Plummer, "The reason you're going to make a great fag is that most of
you guys are just like dogs anyway. ... You do whatever with whomever
pleases you and don't seem to care about the consequences."
Plummer also says McMillan came into the dog-grooming shop and left him a
bottle of Jamaican hot pepper sauce on which she wrote, "Fag Juice Burn Baby
Burn,'' and that she also scrawled "Jonathan's Fag boyfriend Fag'' on a
photo of a friend.
"She is an extremely angry woman who is homophobic and is lashing out at me
because I have learned I am gay,'' Plummer declared in a court filing last
month.
McMillan's attorney, Jill Hersh -- a divorce lawyer who has handled civil
rights cases involving gay couples and their children -- says her client "is
anything but homophobic.''
"However, she feels betrayed and disappointed ... that her husband is gay,
'' Hersh said. "And anything you have seen in the pleadings emanates from
how she is experiencing the end of her marriage, and it doesn't have to do
with anything else.''
Hersh also disputes Plummer's contention that McMillan was seeking an
annulment as a way to get him deported, as he alleges. In pressing her claim
of fraud, however, McMillan told the court that Plummer waited to tell her
he was gay until he knew his application for citizenship was going to be
approved.
Plummer says he understands that McMillan felt betrayed by his coming out.
"But I was being truthful to myself, and didn't want to hurt her anymore,''
he said.
On June 17, a Superior Court judge handed Plummer a minor victory --
ordering McMillan to pay him $2,000 a month in spousal support, plus $25,000
in attorney's fees -- until a full trial on the validity of the prenuptial
agreement and the annulment request is heard in October.

monday rainin'

its rainy. j and i were gonna head to dc for the week. an impromptu outing. i love his spontaniety. but its raining and we slept in. just like a poet! maybe tomorrow. side's we got's to finish pre-production for aug 6th show (JAM ON IT!)... will have a special contest for my readers & friends! the best answer can get a pair of tickets! how bout that?

brooklyn showers

nerd or geek

he says im a nerd because i am in utter awe of the 78th national spelling bee. that's just the hate spewing, since he can't spell so well

quiz part II -- addicted? me...?

my sexual style...
i don't know think i needed a test for this info - but hey!?

Violent 88% Hot 75% Exciting 56% Wet 44% Sweet 44% Soft 31% Awkward 19% Shy 19% What is your sexual style? created with QuizFarm.com

sat backwash

wierd day. tried to finish my milwaukee run.
got pics and the whole nine. just gotta finish
this thing. it's funky ya'll. gimme a minute

brooklyn

do's and don'ts

do:
give a hug to someone you love everyday

don't:
slap the shytta outta EVERYONE...just someone who really deserves it

do:
cultivate your craft. if you are a painter - paint. if you are a plumber - plung!

don't:
wait for the world to come to you -- it's almost always late

do:
build mountains with those likeminded individuals

don't:
build mountains with those stalkers that want to be you

do:
love yourself. love life. love the make up of this ugly world

don't:
complain about this ugly world, unless you are willing to try and change it

JAM ON IT... ONE MO GIN!

WE PUT POETRY BACK ON BROADWAY! COME CHECK OUT THE SLAM CHAMPIONS OF OUR TIME:


JAM ON IT

featuring:
international slam champ: taalam acey (Batlimore)
nps indie slam champ: sonya renee (DC)
southern fried indie slam champ: paul d (miami)

producers club
358 W. 44th St. (@8th Ave)
doors open @ 10pm
showtime @ 11pm
tickets $15 (group rates available)

reservations encouraged
info@mobrowne.com

my lil american idol

amari is phenomenal! she had her play. and she was dope. and the play was as ghetto as possible. but it was beautiful. they had an african dance exhibit, they had a drumline exhibit. and it was really great. she heads to cali tomorrow. i will show you the pictures and tell you all about milwaukee after i finish her hair and packing.

live from BK

quiz it - thx know13

people rarely offer tests that say they are shyt... but not me... not mahogany l. browne. here is the test i took after checking out my girl know13's... and the first one was sorta close -- but after that i just felt offended! but i'm not complaining... no siree bob. misunderstood is only the beginning of my days as a writer. enjoy my pain.

m


Your Existing Situation
Unable to exert the efforts to achieve her objectives. Feels neglected, desiring greater security, warm affection, and fewer problems.

Your Stress Sources
Eager to make a good impression, but worried and doubtful about the likelihoodof succeeding. Feels that she has a right to anything she might hope for, and becomes helpless and distressed when circumstances go against her. Finds the mere possibility of failure most upsetting and this can even lead to nervous prostration. Sees herself as a 'victim' who has been misled and abused, mistakes this dramatization for reality and tries to convince herself that her failure to achieve standing and recognition is the fault of others.


Your Restrained Characteristics
Believes that she is not receiving her share--that she is neither properly understood nor adequately appreciated. Feels that she is being compelled to conform, and close relationships leave her without any sense of emotional involvement.


Your Desired Objective
Demands that ideas and emotions shall merge and blend perfectly. Refuses to make any concessions or to accept any compromises.


Your Actual Problem
Disappointment and the fear that there is no point in formulating fresh goalshave led to anxiety, emptiness, and an unadmitted self-contempt. Her refusal to admit this leads to her adopting a headstrong and defiant attitude.


Your Actual Problem #2
Depleted vitality has created an intolerance for any further stimulation, or demands on her resources. This feeling of powerlessness subjects her to agitation and acute distress. She reacts by considering that she has been victimized, and insists--with indignation, resentment, and defiance--on being given her own way.

free - dom...

free concerts in bklyn & the bronx...
roy ayers and big daddy kane, to john legend and lyfe jemmings...
who say the meltin' pot ain't got free ish?

wisonsin got more than cheese...

went to the all nite diner and almost keeled ova from eating SOOO much! dasha holds it down out here. they truly know how to treat artists!

so yea, im still here in milwaukee... recently returned from madison, wi. and i'm in awe. though i was supposed to go to chicago last nite and check out my girl deana dean and taalam -- but i missed the last train. so whateva. i hung out with the milwaukee cats...

everyone is just incredible people! its beautiful!
i will give you the rundown on the entire tour when i get back to brooklyn...
just trying out the wireless affect on my new laptop... u hear me gloating?

im sorry... this was just long and overdue.

live from the cheese factory

i did it

got a new computer. just now. i swear!
got off the plane in milwaukee, went to get copies @ office depot
(the touring poets mantra) and i saw a laptop on sale.
it was a really good one for a cheap price.
and because im tired of my computer kicking me off... i did it!
i bought it - with my last little bit of cash. but i just kept say'n
"its an investment"
and it is. my art depends on this.

live from milwaukee

ps - much love to my sis. who just called with the great news and a free ticket to new orleans for 4th of July weekend!

problematic

he says i have a problem
that i should never wish anyone dead
but i do

- so die already...

why you are crazy if you should ever date a poet!

I - poets are always working on their next poem... hence - the poetic gestures in your excxhange!

II - poets never say what they mean. there are always several meanings waiting in the wings!

III - poets have TOO many groupies. and if they are good they may have countries full! while this may not mean anything to the confident partner - but after truck loads of love letters, songs, and sex offers the rejection process can become a tiring, tedious & overwhelming.

IV - poets are workaholic. if they aren't at a venue stuck under some spotlight, they are buried in the bat cave writing a masterpiece.

V - poets are crazy. just plain ole' outta their nutshell!


now if you must DATE one of these maniacs. here are a couple of really great things about these artist.

i. poets are in touch with words. they have a way of manipulating them so well that you feel like you are walking on fluffy word clouds whenever they are around (see what i just did?! dats what im talking about!)

ii. poets more than likely will immortalize your shyt! having a poem written about you (not no eminem ish either!) is the biggest turn on (when you are a woman) so to hear a poem written in your likeness, is like a painter winning a prize after sketching a portrait of you.

iii. even if they are dense. they usually have some really intense emotions. you can feel it in their speech. their kiss. their hold. if they are passionate about writing, just compare that to their passion behind closed doors!

iv. if you are a loner, your poet mate will be out working -- alot! and if you need to be reminded that your mate is hot -- there will be more than enough admirers milling around, waiting for you to leave this hunka hunka mountain of words. all a pleasant reminder that you have a good catch!

v. poets are crazy. what can i say - some people like drama! lol

my battle rap!

Shy-putter waitin’ for the world to give you a break
Make it happen like blueprints
And build that shyt if you got too
Many times I’m asked the answer
To questions that have escaped me like memories
And I know the next bus is coming
So I’ve decided not to run
Where’s the fun in chasing something
That ain’t yours to hold?

Only a rock star knows this hustle
Breathes the break beats like a soldier
Checks the tail for the hang gliders –
But I can’t let you shine off’a my name
So I’ll ignore ya
Shake my shoulder and pop collars
Laugh at the immaturity brimming over
I’ll take another hit of C.R.E.A.M please
won’t let it faze me
Like I won’t let you see me coming
Surface when you least expect it
Like the boogeyman I haunt the weak
Watch ‘em shudder when it’s my turn to wreck shyt
Cause they ain’t eating if I’m rocking
And I’m rocking cause it’s my birth rite
You mad cause you want the light
Understandably weak of you
Just trust the night
Slip into the shadows and dream bigger
Birth a new day
And swim quickerTurn faster
Writer harder
And try to live longer
Chasing my dust will on make you choke
On the hate
Shifting envy like that’s what its gonna take to make you betta
It wont
trust me
There are 4 more like you in the side wings
Practicing their cameo appearance in this Life
and the next
Romancing a life that ain’t yours
is seriously detrimental to your health

so what///

whiners suck. myself included! lol
it is sooooo hot, i can't stand it.
im taking myself to a movie. dammit
after my performance with the pregnant
teens -- imma come talk to you about the truth

cause i gots to get dis' off my brain

brooklyn live wire

a week's worth

wed
11pm
here i am. sitting at blvd located in the LES of NYC.
naked booties and breasts EVERYWHERE
hush magazine is an adult magazine (see: black playboy)
and i dig the fact that the owner is a woman
so yea, im down...
i perform BLACK P*SSY before the fashion show
which starts late (about 45 minutes late)
head to the door with my cane, smiling at the red carpet that i walked down
before heading to my broken down SATURN
i still have to pick up amari and j so we can head to Jersey before leaving for Charlotte(breathe)

thurs
3pm
we have passed a car rolling backwards without a driver, several cars flipped over, and atleast 3 other
fender benders. if anyone knows north carolina -- u know that the driving is ridiculous
we finally get to registration (about 1 hour late) just to find out we have a bout in less than 2 hours!
we still havent checked into our hotel (which is 8 miles away) showered, crapped. and we all smell
like car... we get to our bout - lose by 5 points (the southern fried fiasco is outlined on the OTHER weblog). whateva
we eat steak and shrimp anyway. regroup. practice and pass out.

fri
10
slammaster's meeting (outlined in the other weblog as well).
we gather everyone together, eat at joe's crab shack - it's not as good
as the sign said it would be. kas pays 30 bucks for a chicken salad!
i liberate a t-shirt in honor of it all...we slam that nite against DC & Columbia
we win. i got my coffee. we stay to support newark vs New orleans. they lose by half a point.
amari falls asleep -- however, she has written her best poem yet. called the twin towers
in this masterpiece, she says: don't vote for george shush. (as in be quiet!) yes. my baby gets a
standing ovation! head back to the hotel. nothing but mickey d's open (and after 100 dolla's worth of eating the nite before
that's all we eating)... we sleep

sat
10am
im sick. really sick. i cant sit down without having to run to the bathroom and every other minute
we all have breakfast at the hotel cafe. i take amari swimming after i pray to the porcelain god once more.
we head to the bout - we have to slam @ 3pm. we get there, the slam gets full, starts late (as usual). tally black on black and flint, michigan are in our bout. we win. i got the only 30 of the bout! likwid got a 29.9 jive and kas got a 29.7 - its kinda bittersweet.
cause now we have to wait to see which teams won or lose to see if we are in (see southern fried scandal for that story!)
we are shafted for our spot in the finals. when i say shafted i mean STICK UP THE A-HOLE FOR US YANKS!
whateva, we support the teams that made it cause they are firstly our friends!
ches kanno, asia, will da real one & paul d rep for miami with a cat named Khaleed (sp?). charlotte reps with sheba, mekkah, bluz, Q, and maze. newark reps with flow, big mike, myra and another systa...dont remember her name. and new orleans rocked as the 4th team. charlotte won, miami 2nd, nj 3rd. cant wait to get home.

sun
3am
we left as quickly as possible. got home after a lot of sleeping with numb hands and legs and stiff neck
finally pulled into nj - but j, amari and i still have 45 minutes to get home in bklyn
we do
eat jamaican food from golden krusts
feed the cats, clean up their crap
wash the car off of us again and sleep
hard

re-affirm...life lessons III

...keep your enemies closer --

i can't say that has worked well for me. i don't have it in me to front for the sake of it. sitting in someone's face like i really dig them -- it ain't in me to lie to myself! lol even though its one of those 48 laws of power. i have tried to separate friends from business. that makes it easier to deal... like my man says "you don't have to like everyone you work with."

i think my experience has proven the fable about the mouse, lion and bird are closer. "those that shyt aren't necessarily your friends & those that help you out of the shyt aren't necessarily your friends".



action speak louder than words--

this is definitely true. i can't knock it and i have to remind myself to pay attention to what is happening, rather than what someone says. words are pretty and ugly and necessary - but action is the entire reflection of their soul. tormented or not.



treat ever day as if its your last --

word up! i realized, i start going haywire if i sit in the house *now that i'm off of bed rest!* and just watch tv. my body was built for moving mountains. 'sides, i want to teach amari that nothing is given to you. nothing except grief. you have to work for your happiness - but you also should enjoy the hard work. i don't believe in just working and working and never looking around me. this world is too gorgeous for that crap. take in the scene. i promise you - it's worth it.



working hard, loving hard, playing hard...

i can't help it. i still do these things. i mean what i say. and if i don't mean what i say (i.e., FUK YOU) then i will soon enough. i act in haste, but the emotions are pure. i work like any single mother. i have nothing from amari's father. only thing i can thank him are her eyes. she is definitely the best little girl on the earth.

yesterday i told her, AMARI means "lovely immortal girl" in hebrew and "god is highest" in swahilli.

she asked why i named her that and "what does immortal mean?"

i told her "it means living forever."

she said "i can't live forever, mommy."

i said "i know. but the good you do on this earth will last forever. look at malcom x. look at martin luther king. ida b wells. rosa parks. do you understand?"

she said, "yes."

and replied "thanks mom. thanks for thinkin' i'm immortal. i think you will help alot of people too."


i hope so 'mari... i hope so

here we go again

going thru the same thangs... here we go again! ya'll remember that song? those cats actually came to my high school and performed in the quad. does anyone remember their name? hmmm

today was surprisingly great. my girls at the pregnant school in Queens had their last performance/workshop - it was dope. i brought in books from christa bell, queen sheba, doreen baidoo, rac mckibbens, staceyann chin, marie malette, mayda devalle, katie o'loughlin, sydnee stewart, jade d banks, phyastartah, slam queens of buffalo ny, uche and so many more talented contemporary women poets on the scene. the girls LOVED them!

i have to get ready for my cave canem workshop tonite. im so proud of my girl amanda! she got accepted into the cave canem summer retreat. which we will be attending next year! it's a blast. nights full of writing, partying, building with other artists NON STOP! can you imagine that? i can hear the writer in you shivering! lol

anyway, the sun is shinin' bright and i gotta print out papers, wash clothes and get ready for my show at HUSH tomorrow and then we all leave for Southern Fried around 3am tomorrow (as in thursday) morning... get at you in a minute.

bklyn sun'n

got my back...

thank you for the emails to whoop asses on my account. i love the thug in all of you!
thanks for the support and the love and the ear...it makes working thru the bull so much easier.

today is the official beginning of summer. crazee hot at 8 in the morning. dat's right - it was 75 before i even took amari to school! argh!

working on the book with my london gal pal - one of britan's illest writers! trust. the shyt just got snatched by an incredible publisher - look out for the drop in October. which is when her and i will travel -- she's coming to NYC then i will be in Europe for an entire month... nice

also gotta work on my article for the magz, my group piece with the team and my workshop write up for tomorrow's meeting... to say the least - carpel tunel will soon be in affect! but the creativity is worth it. yes!

so -- i listed my schedule below. i wants to see ya'll. let's catch up on good books, good books. good living. tell me what does your day smell like so far? mines smells like:

white chocolate
soap
sweat
flurried kisses
and sun

bklyn livewire


JUNE:
8 - HUSH ADULT MAGAZINE RELEASE PARTY, BLVD NYC
9 - 11 Southern Fried Regionals Charlotte, NC
13 - BAR 13 (COVER SLAM)
17 - 22 MILWAUKEE
24 - SLAM FUNDRAISER - NEWARK, NJ
27 - BAR 13 (FORM SLAM)

JULY
1 - BKLYN VS NJ SCRIMMAGE
14 - URBANA REMATCH nyc
15 - NUBIAN HERITAGE BKLYN, NY
16 - WORD 4 WORD NYC
17 - 19 SEATTLE
22 - 24 SAY WORD LITERARY FESTIVAL DENVER, CO
25 - CORPUS CHRISTI SLAM, TX
27 - SUBSTANCE ABUSE CONFERENCE - AUSTIN, TX

AUGUST
10 - 13 NATIONAL POETRY SLAM ALBEQUERQUE, NEW MEXICO
27 - ARKANSAS WORLD SLAM, FAYETTEVILLE, AK

allow me to reintroduce myself

my name is MO... otherwise known as Mahogany.
got big things this week, my friends.
i have two shows for my pregnant mother's class.
and i will be performing at HUSH MAGAZINE Release Party
it's an adult magazine -- like a Black PLAYBOY. well
see...

had our team meeting today. it was fanTABulous! shadowkat did his
thang, Likwid just might get offa HOUSE punishment in time
for the nationals (fingers crossed). Kasim flipped his Wacko
Jacko poem. but we had to reconsider our audience and voted against it.

i did my new piece word life and meltdown (my icarus) -- so i'm
really lookin' forward to this summer. we leave for southern fried
in charlotte, nc on thurday morning and im getting prepared
for amari's cali departure. my sis is coming to get her for the summer
with my neice and nephew...

i still have a couple of group pieces to write. about what? well you will have
to join us in new mexico aug 10 - 13 for that surprise!

days missed

sorry ya'll. the work is overwhelming. i'm gonna sit my ass down and talk to you fa real. give me til' sunday evening...

myself when i am tired in bklyn

m

how it all begins (ideas, rants & artistic love)

and then it was def.
before it was every considered valuable by the masses
which turn fickle over music and pop stars, pop culture
and pop icons

this poetry thing became big over night
and surpassed the predecessors attempt
for freedom of step n fetch-it routines

how we make it from now
will be how it is marked in history
and how it will be marked in the books
is how it will be preserved
and how it is remembered will be what
our children, and their children, and our
great great grandchildren will revisit
to feel for themselves
under their toes
and between their palms
grasped in their fists
and against their back
winding wind this thing
called poetry -- how it began

this was actually just some thoughts. i want us to be better poets. i do. i want to leave the earth with the trail scorched by US. the artists whose tears have dried into the earth. by us. artists whose blood has been bleached by sun after staining concrete. by us. poets who believe in the power of the word. not by the corporate machine that aims to exploit us for everything we got and can get. i pray for you. the you that is starving, hungry, underpaid, undiscovered, raw talent, no image -- artists! you make them see us for who we are - not who they want us to be. we are fierce.

live from queens headed back to bklyn for a root canal...

PS - KIM

you have got to change dat damn site! how am i to write how much i love everything on the page -- all the new voices, all the new images... but that ish is to hi tech for me! :(

i'm crazy tired. no introspections this morning. i just want coffee (shout out to my girl 'manda!). there are so many things happening this week as we get ready for southern fried and the nationals. so just wish me luck and godspeed.

going back to bed in bklyn

shine'n

its gorgeous outside. life is bright again. no class, it got cancelled after i found parking and dropped jive off at the subway. it was blaring sun rays early this morning - i would know, i didn't sleep 'til 5am. but that right there wasn't my fault! lol funny how weather can play such an important part on ya psyche (but don't get it twisted, i did/do want to smack da shyt outta people.) but when the sky is as blue as it is right now -- i'd rather be orange.

making lemonade...

so practice had a crazy rocky start. and im sittin' there damn near pouting. i can't get with the half-assed attempts made by some of our team mates and i take the nationals seriously. maybe too seriously. i don't know. what i do know is -- there is a method to the planning of nationals so that once you get to the function - you can focus on having fun, rather than practicing! anywayz - big mike sat thru a lot of hell. all worth it for his guests. his wife is by far the realest "EVER". Maddy was serving Mike with the verbal punches for a good hour - i swear, i wanted to buy her a drink - even though the arbor mist was already empty. we talked about infidelity and how to NOT be STOOPID. the men sat there looking like, duhhh, and she had me cracking up so hard that i almost choked on the chips and dip!

life started to look better. i forgot (for the meanwhile) about my absent team members, i forgot about my slam master's family emergency, i forgot about all the hate and indecisiveness that i had been feelin' and just laughed. laughed my ass off. maddy has a way of sayin shyt that everybody already knows is true - but is just to care to speak. by the time flowmentalz came -- we were onto eating a pineapple orange cream cheese cake (which was the bomb!) and just cracking jokes. i asked about my friend doughboy and flow called him. before long -- we were headed to see doughboy at his gig for the night. he was dj'n @ a gogo bar (yes, tittie bar - difference between strip club is New Jersey law and prohibiting nakedness).

now i haven't been to a good strip club since i covered Luke's Freakfest for the magazine almost 4 years ago. so i was game. so we went to cinderlla's in elizabeth, nj. and i - the only woman in the crew had my hands full. rob hilton came thru and showed his ass -- for everyone. primo, maddy's cousin was a pure gentleman. flow drank beers like water and fawned over the bootylicious gangsta booties, and mike stood behind us critisizing every woman in sight (i.e., "look at her - she look like da joker from batman. yo! she got a bullet wound? aw hell - she just had a baby!"). and what about me you asked? well, when Rob wasn't trying to turn me out with the women (please ms dancer just look her in the eyes and kiss your breasts -- mo interjects "ma. don't listen to him. take this dolla and keep it moving. you doin' ya thang. don't sweat this fool!" the women were all very friendly to me, as we made jokes about my bar mates. i apologized for Rob several times and the women gave me high five on the way out. doughboy kept us on our toes, as he is the WORLD's GREATEST DJ! he played old school hip hop - house tracks and break bits. we were singing along to everything from Bobby Brown, Toni TOne TOny & Rakim. the mix was nuts, the ad libs (which is him singin' like an american idol to comedy skits like bernie mac) - my boy is talented! lol we barely made it out alive, Rob went to buy another drink and mike had enough of the bar. so we returned to linden's poetry casa like the poetry vets that we are, promising we would try this again @ southern fried regionals.

ps - i smiled so much, that i stopped being mad. which helps alot in my life right now. word.

any given sunday or how not to kill a bytch

have practice today...in jersey @ Likwid's house. gonna visit the gym afterwards. today is blah. nothing great and nothing terrible...atleast not at home. or even creatively.

however,
i woke up with a really bad feeling this morning. im afraid i've come to the end of my rope when dealing with a certain person. im scared for their life. i really am. i want to administer a lot of pain upon sight- and though i am not a newcomer to these harmful feelings - i know myself well enough to know, time to back up and take inventory or something. my whole face gets hot and my stomach starts to turn like curdled milk has touched my insides. i get literally sick and then i lash out. i can't even help it. and if i can -- it doesn't seem rational at that moment. i've dealt with so much in mny life - any sign of someone trying to "play me" and i lose it! every scruple of sanity that i once held is tossed to the wind and i operate on swing first ask questions last.

j says i always think someone is trying to play me. but then he has one of the worst tempers ever. so hey - maybe he's just reflecting. anyway, back to this feeling. i want to go by the pier and sit with the birds and toss these feelings into the Bay and just be. but the continuance of a bad thing haunts me. keeps playing in my head like "groundhog day". again and again and again. i reckon they are trying to make me go crazy. which makes me madder. and more volatile. i don't know how to not feel like my buttons are being pushed, purposely. i mean, i know they are. so i guess the issue is: i don't know how NOT to let the parasites suck away my life force.

i mean, honestly what would you do?

bewildered in brooklyn

brooklyn sun'n

we went to the african street festival today. it's a big HUGE brooklyn vendor event that takes places near downtown brooklyn. they had a hot band there called the super lowry brothers. they were rippin' the horns and saxophone with such tenacity, i bought a cd and booked em for a show jive and i are doing. nice!

cop'd the househould a plethora of soul food. potato salad and fried fish for him, fried fish and collard greens for me, chicken wings and yams for amari. and a big glass of RED to go along with it! i truly thought it was pink lemonade, not RED kool-aid, cause that 3 dolla's would've went to something else. TRUST ME!

saw the sista who hooked me up with very fly afro shirts a couple of years ago. her and her husband, medina black have kept the movement going - beautiful skirts and shirts! wanted to support after they hooked me up so lovely, but i think i ran out of money by then. no matter. the festival goes on throughout the weekend.

i love this time of year. summer. hot and heavy and full of life. beating:thriving people, moving. reggae music blasting from the bootlegger's table, food vendors EVERYWHERE, sisters sit regal with dreads, braids and bald heads. smiling at each other past the sun glare. brothers respectfully acknowledging her greatness. tall, fit, walking his bike, his dog, his family -- with pride.

brooklyn african street festival: this is where i purchased my first sarong. this is where i received my first henna tattoo. this is where i ravaged the $7 dollar book table. this is where i watched capoeira and african dancers outstep me - overwhelm me - inspire me. this is where brooklyn begins the birthing of a beautiful spirit.

untitled 3087

she is of judas' blood

struggling with immorality and other
chewing on books of prophet
for profit -- like wooden sticks
freeing her fangs of flesh
fallen behind the movement of humanity
long ago

youth be told
she was of this world before
shunned innocent lamb
and stole the wool for fuk's sake

choked on lover's bones at daybreak
spit up blood
a tradition
haunting whispers
shadow love notes
unsung melodies
voodoo sounds mixed with drum rolls

her theme music -- their cries/her lies

how sweet the sound of the wounded
for her satisfaction they will mourn
26 days
and each year unborn
her reflection is a trick
snatch at the wind for her heart
fool's gold

she leaves sneering remnants for your wonderment
and treads the earth through wind currents
knowing the third day grows near
and the truth will rise
again

a promise to erika b.

so this is where our literary culture stands: Taste Like Chicken, Hustler's Handbooks, Yo Love, Betta Dayz, Ghetto Girls and so many more mispelled words for the sake of neighborhood venacular, i'd lose time typing it all. now, with the acceptance of The Coldest Winter Ever, which was a phenomenal book -- came the idea that EVERY urban ghetto tale should be told.
while im not mad at the hustle of the writers, i am discouraged by the lack of creativity it takes to produce such shitty writing examples highlighting our culture. Yes, we have risen from the ashes of the ghetto (most of us). Yes, we need to spread the word of how to get out and life's lessons. but i'll tell you what, i see another URBAN STORY with more typos than a lil' bit - i just might cut my own writing hand in half!

your mission: grab a book, a real book with correct spelling (unless it was written in the voice of a 1800's slave). get a real book with a plot that hasn't been extinguished in one of those straight to DVD movies. ya know the ones that star all the old school black actorz that went out in the age of VANITY...? i challenge you. make these publishers publish books with a plot, a smart writing style, a unique voice pouring pride and knowledge. check out my favorite newcomers and old schoolers:

kevin powell
kenji jasper
asha bandele
danyel smith
sapphire
pearl cleage
rebecca walker
joan morgan

these are the authors that should be on the essence bestseller list. a group that writes about life, struggle, resistance, self-revelation and revolution -- not just the whims of a stereotypical poultry lover.

untitled 3090

her belly be big
thinkin' bout how the wind goin' make her lose
her appetite
her footing
her smile

it belongs to no one
now
baby has taken priority
and she only hope she gets time to shine
a lil' mo
like her 15 years on this earth
is enough
to hold tight those dreams that she too 'fraid to dream of
now
can't think of that life
got's des' babies to raise

up like trees
big branches with likened bodies
strong minds to match
but how
how, come we ain't got no time
no more
"cause life be like dat, fa real"

gossipin'
'bout girls that can't dance
we laugh
cause we know she won't have much time to do that
no more
she won't want to see
this mouth wanting for her future
years from now
my gap-toothed grin won't be but a memory

as she tosses soiled diaper into trash
burps baby over shoulder
his brown eyes winking at a past
that his mommy only visits during dreams

because... (wip)

the world has spun on its axis
your destination doesn't mean much
unless the galaxy is your oyster
still you to real to see the beams
bursting life from the seams like
whoa!

sit in the sun, if you can stand the heat
burn bright your sparkle must have taken hours
black star
don't stray
music don't play off key for our kind
i see you trying -- steadfast
hold tight, pray
upon each fallen soldier
from the skies
pitch blue black
hurry!

we've no time for the petty
your strength is needed
your time is now
your beginning has begun
you have no start overs
you are being timed
you are being timed
you are being watched
watch out!

because these tears
taste like wine
drunken lust fills our bodies
its up to you to make life more
than that of which you can hold

showers can't stop the smiles

so im here...at the pregnant school in queens. and i have a break already! my type of day, trust me! lmao

sitting with the teachers, talking about my infatuation with coffee! its never-ending, trust me. the project with my london beauty is coming along so perfectly. and the cave canem reading was so explosive! damn -- i haven't smiled like that in a long time. i've been so blessed, that i wasn't even fret'n when j's flight was late coming home... just turned up the car radio and listened to some faith evans "i remember the way you used to love me..."

working on the summer agenda. sun and fun and a little poetry intertwined. that's the goal! we have southern fried slam (regionals in charlotte, nc) from june 7 - 9, then im in milwaukee for 5 days -- i've heard nothing but great things from jive, sheba and taalam -- so i look forward to getting my feet wet. and then im in cali, seattle, new mexico and for a breather: DOMINICAN REPUBLIC! arggggh. i can't wait - i think imma start hyperventilating!

also: something beautiful seems like its panning out well. i was able to get in touch with my people's KOVAS (mr. big time in the UK & Europe) who's famous for his first hit with DeLaSoul and we will knock out a couple of joints! nice

well imma go check email. check out other sites. daydream a lil' and keep smilin' like it's going outta style

brooklyn-bound
m

uhhhh ok

i have so much to talk about -- but im a bit tired. he's home. thats good... gimme a second -- see ya in two and two

live from the bed in bklyn
m

OPERATION: SAVE HIP HOP

one thing. one thing only: GO BUY COMMON'S ALBUM. NOW. that is all

lookin' for buried TREASURE!!!

so i found:
Ntozake Shange's "nappy edges"
Amiri Baraka's "black music"
tish benson's "wild like dat:good stuff smelling strong"
miles marshall lewis' "scars of the soul are why kids where bandages when we don't have bruises"

feelin' like south park's tom/philip combo... quite excited. indeed! just finished puttin' amari to bed. we practiced her lines for her school play "i'm short - can anyone see me?" das her lines. but if anyone knows my baby - you know she is the tallest 7 year old in the world! i swear, she's as tall as a 10 year old! lol so this is definitely a stretch for her baby acting chops! lmao just finished talkin' to my sister from the boro of london (lol). our project is coming together so lovely - i'm scared. it's gonna be a doozy. i promise you... look out - OCTOBER is the launch. tell ya the rest as soon as our publisher is locked down... nahmeeen?! big thangs DUNNY - trust me.

working on a new piece called Love letter to Dam. tell me whatcha think!




If this is what I think it is
How are we to fall even deeper into
Each other with/out
Losing something important

Reaching inside ourselves
maintaining the core of
Our family name
Struggle has tainted our teeth
Eggshell white beige brown
Buried beneath tongue
And breath
I’ve loved you
Since we met
At first kiss – I knew

julius cesar

denzal washington is rocking broadway theatre's with his rendition right NOW. getting tickets. its a rap... officially. started thinking of life. talked to Black, his pops is going thru rough times right now. my prayers are with them. working on this book for our cave canem graduation ceremony. also, tonite's community forum will mark the final class for my women in hip hop -- cross ya fingers and toes. its so hectic i can't think straight! but, i know it'll all be worth it -- the kids in my class are brilliant. the people i've met thru my workshop are incredibly inspiring. and my life has flourished because of it... now, i just have to figure out when to breath and go to the gym... but not in that order. new poems tomorrow... promise

brooklyn transplant

mahogany

my weekend in a couple of words:

movies, dining out on the town, performing in the midst of brooklyn's finest, watchin' amari rock her poem (memorized), spanish harlem's ethnic fair, more dining, shopping, mike's diner for the morning special, late night calls, breathing, smiling, laughing, laughing, loving - sighing, contemplating - now.

ick!

its raining outside! ugllllle

meeting up with my uncle, who is visit'n from cali...checking out a movie with amari like i promised...and catching up on well needed sleep! show tonite at nubian heritage, show tomorrow at Harlem's Ethnic Festival and team practice on sunday. so many movements, i almost forgot my ankle is in recovery - until it reminds me with that intrusive PANG o



damn - i forgot what i was gonna say

beautiful days...

can you see me smiling? i know you can! im so happy right now -- kinda wierd. i usually am waiting for the other shoe to drop (probably still am, but its subconsciously!). had an excruiating day yesterday... i will recount it telegram style:

wake up at 8am stop rush to sheepshead bay stop pass the coffee and head to class stop ambushed by incredible teenagers stop they write poems about running trains in stairwells stop class erupts into laughter stop its my truth stop he says stop leave the class with armor tinged stop still inspired stop rush to manhattan stop perform at the domestic violence workshop at NYU stop mikey buys me coffee stop feeds my meter stop unloads about his women issues stop he deserves better stop hurry to pick up amari stop we head to east new york to cop the swedish documentary stop cant wait to see it stop we smile all the way over williamsburg bridge stop drop amari off with T&W stop work my ankle out at the gyn stop stop catch up with akua and taylor for a grudge slam at brookdale college stop we win stop its crazy fun stop we head back to brooklyn around midnight stop amari has fallen asleep stop akua and i discuss live stop love stop and loss of self stop i climb the 5 flights to my home stop tuck amari into bed stop climb inside covers and cuddle stop stop stop


anywayz... im at the pregnant school in queens. so far so good. i actually have an 1hr and a half break in between my classes. i could go home - but there are nothing but beautiful stores lining the sidewalk waiting for me to come visit. think i will work out a couple of more poems. see where my pen takes me...

live from queens -- headed back to brooklyn

m

untitled 3085

your tongue was stapled to your lip
unable to pass words of
right/write the sun
if you can

caress each page as though your lover
said i do/i will
remind the pulse moving
under your skin

words are built for the afterlife
a scripture/sonnet/sayonce
for the misguided
lesser nurtured pairs

pouring sludge of earth
still, dirt is of the soil
that breathes live from the womb
and potholes

aren't deep enough
to keep
us
down

feel'n good

listening to my new find -- been looking for this damn song forever, it seems

nina simone's "feelin' good" -- i am so in love with this tune, i swear...

amari helped me find this one - which is cool, unfortunately we watched a young man get caught stealing some headphones from the virgin record store - so we had to keep it moving. didn't want him to black out in attempts to get away and we sittin' there - STUCK

have several classes today. one at sheepshead bay, a performance at NYU with mikey and Urban Word crew, a work out with my personal trainer, and i am completing this idea that Patricia Smith has commissioned of me. it's a doozy ya'll. and i am so overwhelmed with ideas and emotions that i can only hope my page doesn't over flow too quickly.

i want to savor these moments.

i am still working on that london collab with my favorite lady poet of england territory. she is having a tough time and i just want her to know i love her. she is such an inspiration. we met through email initially. she read my site and heard the pain in my voice in regards to the lack of poetic influence amongst my peers... even then, she offered her sistership, regardless of color, age and location. i love her for that. lady: know that these days are only meant to test us - call it an endurance test. you are meant for greatness. built for the history books, you are a great inspiration.

so monday. we have our women in hip hip forum. featuring editors of hip hop magazines, writers, radio personalities and video vixens.

MONDAY, MAY 23rd @ 6PM SHARP
WOMEN IN HIP HOP: A community forum
@ Teacher's & Writers
5 Union Square West (7th Floor)
for more info call: Mike Cirelli c/o URBAN WORD
212 691 6951

i have to get out this bed. find some solace in the shower and write a poem about loving him.

glorious!

went to court's graduation. it was very long and beautifully hot. and she looked lovely. now i have to work on my persona poems for class, my additions to the poetry collab for the london joint and my abs... i started the physical therapy with the gym and will be ready for the beach soon enough.

live from brooklyn

m

nasty...

today was just nasty. and ugly. and dirty... thats my day in staten island. they told me it was gutter. but when i had to work with a teacher that loves calling her kids dumb - i flip.

nothing more

m

VAnity & other forms of un-flattery (cave canem edit)

this is the beginning of something miserable
harsh and electric -
shocked by my findings

the hub of your spinning pupils is awesome
taking in light and love and all things you can't obtain

you hide from the truth like the plague
bones narrowed in defense positioned
like prey, rather than the predator you are

without circusmtance a cuckoo with woman veneer
nuts and bolted to the frame of dementia

like clockwork the tick searches for its
other half and you scramble for meaning --
to something that owes you no d e f i n i t i o n

it will remain untarnished after your obsession
has run its course or your life is expired -- whichever comes first

onward...

just got back from team practice in Jerz and my ankle is like an elephants knuckle! arrgh
tuesday is courtenay's graduation from columbia!! yea. j and her are like the wierdest when it comes to arguments... very after school special-ish. leo and sammy as well. beautiful they are together. so endearing and supportive of each other. i envy that brother/sister bond. my brother just punched me around a lot and farted on me. that was our ritual... disgusting - i know, but i guess i the memories are worth it...

mya's dating dame dash.
dame dash is getting a reality show (the ultimate hustler - excuse me while i puke)
and jay-z just dropped a freestyle for the summer called "summer"! nice

gotta work on my class persona poem... cave canem has our graduation performance next tuesday. i cant wait! :)

live from brooklyn (after a 2 hour drive home from JERSEY. damn traffic!)

dammit mannnn!

friday, amari had an audition for her school drama club. she made it! yaaaaa! unfortunately, she asked the basketball coach if she could play (a bit late, i know) but, when he said NO, she started to cry. it was so sad. i wanted to hug her to bits! saturday morning: i was late taking amari to meet with patricia! (sorry piper, sorry pat!) i don't know what i was thinking... maybe i was focused on:

dave chapelle coked out on rehab...

jessica simpson and nick lachay breaking up?!

my ankle swelling up to the size of a pumpkin!

these wierd emails from some lonely characters...

gotta stop thinking about the small stuff... i think that's why i love that book. "Dont sweat the small stuff, it's just small stuff!" great read.

team practice tomorrow... tell you 'bout it later. enjoy your evening out... i know i will

spring cleaning

obviously im a bit late! :( but it's got to be done...
so im giving all the old clothes to salvation army, amari's old toys as well - and im throwing the wack people away too! holla


live from bklyn

i dunnnoooo...

life is so funny. just when you thought you had an idea - it spins around on its axis and kicks ya.
tells you in a grunt "you dont know shyt!" feelin' like the cosmos played a trick on me.
not particuraly worried about the stumbles...just waiting for it all to work out. that's how my life works.
a lot of turbulence and then smooth sailing -- just in case i wanted to take it for granted.
i never do. well. atleast i try not to.

amari has a slumber party this weekend with mikaila and piper and a couple of other young'ns. we look forward to the evening off! hell, we were trying to fly away for the weekend! lol -- think we goin' hold it down brooklyn style. wait for memorial day weekend to feel the sand under our bottoms and sea salt in our nose. yea, that sounds nice.

i owe amari a trip to a rollercoaster park. gonna take her with my neice and nephew during august. when she returns from cali... have to get her back on track before school hits - cause then its the petal to the metal! again///

j and i are recording with poison pen, my lil brother tonite. have something special for his new album the GOON. look out for us poets gone wild -- the AUDIO version! lol until then...

lets meet where it began where it will end when we meet

m

its been a long time...

i shouldnt have left you -- i know... rakim said it best.

these past couple of days have been straight chaos... i apologize for the delayed response. anyone who knows me - knows that i try to keep it daily... but life be happenin' nahmeen?

let's go back, shall we (choreopoem style, of course)...

fri:
i lie in his arms after braiding baby's hair
waiting for clock to ring me farewell
my flight left first thing in the morning
but his hands resisted my absence
i will be back - i whispered... headed to JFK
airport
limped triumphantly to the terminal
and was whisked away like the DIVA i am :)

once i landed in California, 6 hours later
my ankle throbbed with a dull pain
but my heart ached for the air
driving 3 hours to Cal Poly
i was rewarded by hillside pictures and
warm sun massages i pulled into the
hotel lot.
found myself swallowed by thick
cotton sheets and smiled.
performed with buddy wakefield
and found my religion
it was wrapped inside the heart
of this 30-something year young
white man
blue eyes swirling my insecurties like
cotton candy
making them more beautiful for their
flaws
we shared a feast Mark, Jack, Ray and friends
laughed about life
before i was rescued by those welcoming sheets
and his voice in my dreams

sat:
woke up early...damn new york time difference
crunched stomach pains away
ate fruit bowls for breakfast
lounged on patio furniture
admiring green hillsides
like men love back sides
fell down a rabbit hole
tumbled into Cal Poly's leadership conference
and almost forgot to blink
inspired by James' community etnic intiative
(based in my high school hometown!)
viewed seattle's own grad student
break down the architecture of urban planning
and problem with WALMART
before we performed
i made mark cry
then
buddy made me cry...again
a mural exercise colored my need
black and with brown hues and yellow highlight
traced it with orange
stayed there

broke bread with Chanice (new feminist writer & ethnics instructor of cal poly)
shared ice cream (courtesy of james and mark)
laughed over everything in a warm lair
and hugged my new life lines goodbye... for now

sun:
home
finally...
kissed my daughter's sleeping face
tugged at her cheeks with my thumbs
smelled the soap in her hair
thanked god for her greatness

climbed into our bed
smelled the soap on his skin
thanked him with kisses for his greatness
thanked god for him in my life
sealed our night with winks
and laughs
retold the tale of days past
listened to his breathing pattern
pacing is important
i've learned this -- lovingly

mon:
no sleep
none
not really
ok a little
taught a class in brooklyn
another in bedstuy
rocked with slaughter and jive like rock stars
we are just that
get over it
taught another class in the city
topped with fruit stands and long lines
designer stores and rip off boutiques
pulsating with authority

we slam tonite. its the finals for the 13 team
anticipation can be treacherous
just like deception...
5 rounds of full fire
poetry poring out of our pores
and we danced in the light
togther as one...
kissed the heavens for for Carlos' & Jive's
induction into the 2005 team
there is a GOD

so there ya have it... we have spent this morning at the hospital getting my stitches removed. shared breakfast in brooklyn's hottest diner and now, i want to sleep in his arms before the school bell rings///

i believe...

i will inherit the wind... today is beautiful and i haven't even stepped out of my door yet. i will get out. go see the city, maybe catch a movie. get some rest before my trip to CALI tomorrow... i have a show with buddy wakefield (individual world slam champ 2004) - he's incredible! give you the skinny on more shows later.

live from a cloud in brooklyn

my my my...

lil johnny gill for the grown and sexy... :)

i'm so enamored ya'll. life is good. and my grandmother must be working out them angel wings, with GODs blessing of course. i have finished the touches on destroy... and even been blessed with a foreward by the great Patricia Smith. she amazes me on so many levels. the fact she allows her group to bond with her after class over glasses of fruit medley (me), vodka tonic (erika), wine (her), scotch (ed) and martini's (hallie) anything with liquor in the title (roger) astounds me over and over and over again...

stop jocking, you say? yea, whateva! go get inspired and watch how your eyes roll. it's infectious. this happiness. you want some? come see me slam on monday in the Bar 13 Louderarts finals... it's gonna be fun. but i definitely think i will be going with the team i made first, Central NJ. that's wit big mike, kasim, jivepoetic, myself and shadowkat. but i will make myself have fun. samantha ra and i will probably sit back gigglin' like school girls and things will be as it should. special.

my thoughts on who will make the team this year? carlos gomez, roger, tai, rac & mike cirelli... favorites: jivepoetic (of coursee). we'll see. cause if anybody knows the spirit of the slam -- you know that shyt is never a GIVEN!

live from bedstuy (BK for you cats dat don't know)!

m

for my girls headed to college: aja, sasha & hollise 1st Draft

Because it will always be worth it
the struggle hurt & sweat
will make sense, soon enough
You are of warrior silk
Beautiful and brilliant
You are sun smiling through young eyes
a disguise -- your soul has been here before
weather the cold days and new york nights
prepare for the after life
filled with collegiate theories and memories
of words
fallen from revolutionary lips generation -- now
reflective of life
and you will love it
like we love you
the mothers of baby girl’s
birthed with obligation on tongue
and firey spirit
we’ve filled your bellies with
wisdom and strength
nursed dreams of leadership through breast feeding
twisted ideas of an uprising into your curls
pinched cheeks and planted smiles in soil
seeming unfertile
this is your time to build bridges of trust
like grapevines and giants
be bigger than our mistakes
wipe sweat, blood and uncertainty from your brow
know our smiles exist because of you

interview ques for:

wordwoman:
1) do you believe in heaven and hell?
2) where did you grow up and how has that affected your socialization skills?
3) what do you do for a living -- how different is that from what you dreamt of being?
4) what is your biggest pet peeve?
5) name your biggest crush & where are they now?

que:
1) if you could come back in a different era, when and why?
2) the worst poem you ever read/heard & why?
3) top 3 rules you want your daughter to abide by?
4) what are the best and worst things about St. Louis?
5) do you believe in the death penalty?

scatterbrane:
1) what insires you to write?
2) what do you look for in a mate?
3) what is your dream career?
4) who is sun tzu?
5) if you were a woman, what would you fear the most?

know13:
1) what is your biggest fear?
2) who is your favorite writer/poet and why?
3) what is the best revenge?
4) what is more important to you as woman and why?
5) how can a man impress you?

amanda:
1) if you could do anything over again, what would it be?
2) what would you tell r.kelly if you had him tied up in a room?
3) what is your worst characteristic?
4) what writer/poet would you say your style came from?
5) when did you know you were in love with your husband?


rich:
1) what is the mission statement of acentos and how is that important to the poetry community as a whole?
2) what would you consider the body of poetry?
3) when do you know you are in love?
4) if you could marry a poet (dead or alive) which one would it be & why?
5) how do you let go?

the top 5 cities that i should reside...says the survey

>

American Cities That Best Fit You:

60% Atlanta

60% Honolulu

55% Austin

55% Denver

55% New York City

Which American Cities Best Fit You?

interview 4 U

das right. the tables are turned and if you reply to this post with the words "interview me" i will then post 5 questions for your response. fun huh? learned this one on the other blog spot. who's first? i promise, it won't hurt.

live from brooklyn
m

nomet #3 - for the half-wit

angered by your shortcomings, ha ha
sorry the laughter cuts like knives
bruises and scabs still picked at
bloody on hardware floors
dont sob now my sweet
you are still young
nows the time
to find
life

(now read it backwards)

ps - i've read the nomets in response. glad i could inspire you.

still, live from bklyn

me, me, mo me...

what i am reading right now:
smoking lovely by willie perdomo & shake loose my skin by sonia sanchez & some if us did not die by june jordan

what i am listening to:
neighborhoods: olu dara, the jazz singer: eddie jefferson & self titled: saul williams

what i am wearing:
boxers, t-shirt and a soft cast.

what i am working on:
the newest album: something beautiful, a book of poems with a beautiful woman in london and the final edits of the re-revised and revamped book of poems and antecdotes: destroy rebuild and other reconstructions of the human muscle.

what i look forward to:
summer fun. a brief stint touring the states and overseas in october, going to school @ NYU in fall, sex during daybreak, our poetry production @ an off-broadway theatre, and my first pedicure once the cast is completely off!

what annoys me:
stalkers, bad people posing as good poets (arghh), fake revolutionaries (poets again), pedophiles and deadbeat dads.

what motto i live by:
i live by two: the infamous "do unto others..." and my favorite quicker picker upper: "woman is the nigger of the world" by yoko ono.

what i want to change about myself:
my unforgiveness and ability to hold grudges, my greeness/naivete which allows underserving people an opportunity to break my heart.

what i love about myself:
i love hard, play hard, work hard & am loyal

what i dreamt last nite:
i don't remember (smirk)

what i'm feenin' for:
mike's diner. the one place that every artist (struggling and otherwise) has frequented while living/visiting brooklyn.

what i regret:
losing touch with my mother, losing contact with my mag fam, being homeless in nyc (2000), chicago natl's (2003) & london (2004).

what i learned:
the only one who has your best interest at heart is you. don't depend on NO ONE.

where i would move if i left nyc:
i used to think london was my first choice - until i realized they had the same type of seedy individuals that roam the under belly of NYC, so i'm thinking austin, tx. they have the big city activites (which i need) and the southern hospitality that i'm accoustmed to (i.e., consideration factor!)

what is my most extreme story while on tour:
i don't know. there are several. because i named the times i was homeless already (2 of those happened on tour) i will touch a couple of other incidents. 1)while in denver, a promoter was beef'n with another promoter and in turn took it out on me - asking me to PAY a fee just so i could sell my cd's after my performance! 2) when jive and i travled to holland via fleet ship. however, he forgot his passport and got turned away at the border (it was much worse for him). 3) i toured europe non-stop for 31 days. that shyt was hard! i couldn't even remember my name at certain points! it was really bad - the pay was great, but my body definitely paid for that crap. i would have 2 shows and a day full of workshops in ONE DAY. i was so tired, i was missing my coach back to bristol, got stranded in london after a crazy-hot shortman show and almost missed my workshops the next day in bristol. brutal!!!

what is my biggest mistake in this career:
the contract i signed with HBO after featured with the punany poets. they resold that damn segment to 5 other stations and we got 90 bucks after taxes! das dat bullshyt!

what inspires me:
my daughter, my man, my family and certain contemporary poets.

what's my favorite outfit:
anything with a jean jacket and shell toes. cute cut-up shirts and sexy boots.

what's my favorite word:
shadows (this word changes every quarter or so).

what's my biggest secret:
i don't have any... anymore.

what is the biggest lie i ever told:
no grandma, i'm not pregnant.